Ask HN: What's it like having a significant other who is also a programmer?

18 points by kliao 10 years ago | 9 comments

Just curious about your experiences. Pros/cons compared to being with someone who doesn't understand software at all. Amusing stories, etc.

jmcgough 10 years ago |

I really enjoy it - my partner and I will talk about code, I'll explain concepts and share things I'm excited about. I guess if you want more of a clear separation between your work and your home life that could be a bad thing, but being able to share what I'm passionate about with someone who understands it is a big plus to me.

mreams 10 years ago | |

Me too. I'd be really unhappy if I could only talk about my day with my husband in terms of "the computering went well" or "the computering went badly."

giaour 10 years ago | | |

It's not so bad. My wife isn't very technical, so I tend to frame my day in terms of projects and the people I work with. She works in a field that I understand about as well as she understands software, so she does the same when discussing her day.

andymurd 10 years ago |

It's great that we think about non-technical problems in a very similar manner. For example, when buying a home, we used a check-list categorised into the must-haves, nice-to-haves and undesirable features. We agreed that they were our acceptance criteria. We allowed ourselves to develop emotional connections with properties that we viewed, but the check-list was always there to drag us to reality and so a complex, stressful life-change was remarkably friction-free for us both.

We both code, but have different specialities. My partner specialises in the RDBMS interface, but I distrust every ORM that I've ever seen. I think the most powerful layer of the stack is the UI, she actively avoids any kind of presentation layer, let alone HCI. And yet, she is far better at interacting with humans than I am.

We bounce ideas off each other but in the end, the fact that my partner codes is not too relevant - what is important is that I've found a super-smart, fun person to share my life with. I wish you the same.

cblock811 10 years ago |

I've tried dating non-technical people and this experience sums it up:

My friend and I are white boarding algorithm challenges for fun, having nerd talk. My boyfriend says, "I'm going to play video games while you guys do nerd stuff. I don't understand it anyways"

It's funny but it would be nice to have a partner that can join in. ><

brianmurphy 10 years ago |

I did it once in college. It was terrible. Especially if you are the better programmer. Every encounter with your girlfriend feels like a tech support session. I'd much rather come home, ramble on for 10 minutes and get a "good job" or "you'll have a better day tomorrow" response.

sonalgoyal 10 years ago |

I kind of like it that my husband is a programmer. We are able to brainstorm about a lot more things as our backgrounds and day to day challenges are similar. I am not sure how it works out if two people are in completely different professions, but I think work does fill up a lot of our lives, especially as we get older. So its nice to be able to speak the same language (pun intended :-))

mwhuang2 10 years ago |

Both my parents were programmers. It was useful because they could help each other with learning and career advancement.

Personally, I'd prefer a non-programmer girlfriend. I like variety and I think it's really important to be exposed to different kinds of people.

sharmi 10 years ago |

We both have a programming background but we specialize in different areas. So we have enough in common to understand each other's joy and pain, while our specialization helps us to fill in where the other lacks.

This has been very useful as we have started our own little business in software.