Ask HN: Tldr due to startup anxiety gf has left me, how do i get her back? My manager at work has been pushing me to the limit and as a result have been carrying a lot of anxiety home leading to a big work induced difference with my gf. Also we have not had physical relationships in months due to this. Added to this my company raised a down round and i had to pay tax on my now worthless options
She is extremely pissed and has left What do i do ? how do i get her back? |
It sounds like you successfully identified the cause of this issue. I'll be honest with you, if you can't change the way you feel when going to work, find another job.
If I was you, I would quit my job, and after I found another one call my gf, tell her that I realize I screwed it, that I am very sorry and that I learned from my mistakes. By doing so, you have proofs that you are serious about it and she will likely come back.
Edit : But ultimately you need to understand the benefits of changing your work environment so that even if she doesn't come back you will have no regret. Keep your life above your work, consider your best interest first.
When your work causes your personal life to suffer, your manager hasn't pushed you to the limit. He's pushed you past your limit.
I went through a down period a few years back, lost my gf of 5 years to it. Her leaving removed my saftey crutch and forced me to get my own shit together. Sounds like it's what the OP might need too.
The anxiety you got from your job is probably also a sign of the same thing, unconscious in your case.
Probably not entirely your fault, I guess there are more people involved in your startup employer.
I would say, share the pain: resign from your job, and find a better one.
But I can offer some observations based on your post: If she's pissed that you had to pay taxes due to your down round, that's none of her business. If she's pissed that you're neglecting your relationship in favor of a questionable business, it is. If you're carrying anxiety home, you better have a significant stake in the company or you're jeopardizing your personal life for little gains. Some might even argue that jeopardizing your personal life for any monetary gains is a dumb idea. I prefer to stay somewhat agnostic on that one. If things are so bad that you're not having sex (but want to), something should change.
If I had to guess just based on what you've written, it sounds like the miserable part of your life is work, and if not for that, the relationship would be fine. Down round, anxiety going home with you, paying very real taxes on something of not-very-real value? These are work problems. If getting your girlfriend back is really a priority and your work situation is as bad as you make it out to be, one very viable answer is to quit your job, then call your girlfriend and say "I figured out that my work situation was the main impediment to having a good relationship with you. I'd rather have you than some shitty job, so I've quit. Please come back." If the job really was the problem, this is guaranteed to work.
Note, of course, that if the job wasn't the only problem, this won't work. But you've rid yourself of a shitty job and can move on. Personally, I feel like girlfriends are harder to come by than jobs, so take this whole thing with a grain of salt. :)
Having been through a divorce and remarried, I hate to say this but a real partner does not leave, they stay by your side and help you through the tough times. It hurts but you may be better off by fixing the stresses and finding another mate.
I don't think this is fair. Everyone has a breaking point, and the OP is pretty clear that the situation was extreme.
But your point isn't fundamentally different than what has been said despite what you suggest in your first paragraph. The choice the OP faces doesn't depend of "times in life", as a general rule one"s job should fit in the life balance he has chosen, not the other way around.
I totally agree with : "If you're carrying anxiety home, you better have a significant stake in the company". This is what I called his best interest. Unless you cash in 5 of 6 figures bonuses at the end of the year, don't give too much to your work, learn to leave at 5. It really isn't wise to do otherwise, even business wise. If your employer tries to set you working like a senior executive as a norm, you're being fucked. And reading your post I have a sense that you're being fucked, that's why I suggest you to find a new job.