Ask HN: Does anyone here suffer from a speech impediment? Just wondering if anyone here stammers or suffers from another form of speech impediment. Does it affect your performance or limit your capabilities at work? How do you handle meeting or conference calls? Or <dread> presentations? On the flips side, do you work with anyone that does? |
Something that comes to mind is a story I heard about George Clooney - in the beginning he was having no luck at auditions. So he decided to switch from a mentality of "Please help me, please give me what I want" to "I'm here because I have something unique to offer you and the production", which made all the difference. I think that would work in many difficult situations for stuttering and fear of public speaking. One time I had to talk in front of the class about my long holiday in Europe, it wasn't a problem. (Except when my throat cracked after speaking for so long! hehe.) Because I was the one with something to offer them, I guess.
Mainly, get some expert help, read books about it. Watch The King's Speech. Cause it is unpleasant, for you and others. More commonly I hear in people's speech what seems undiagnosed dyslexia - a combination of mixing terms, using wrong words, not being able to pronounce words.
What worked for me was that I read a lot. And it opened my mind. I realized that if you are good at something, and if you can excel at it and provide something of value to someone, you are going to do well in life. Also I realized that due to my speech problems, there are somethings that I may never be able to become or achieve, like a smooth talker. So I decided pretty early on, that I need to focus on my strengths and make them so awesome that my limitations are overshadowed by them.
Since I can't talk much without stuttering or stammering, I keep quiet most of the times. This has mostly led people around me to believe that I am a reticent guy who keeps his focus on the work before him. Another thing that I do is not open my mouth until I have something really concrete to say. The argument that I am going to put out, is par often well thought out, so that I don't have get into a talking situation with someone.
Even taking interviews is a tough task.
All in all, it hasn't turned out as bad as I thought. Life is still good. :)
Thanks for sharing.
As an immigrant in the US, I don't find this affects me much. A lot of people just assume this is my accent, though some wonder why my accent is not same as others from my native country.
Growing up in my country, it was a bit rough, people including grownups & teachers loved to point out that I sounded funny. Sometimes, it was worse. I can guess it would have impacted my confidence & career significantly if I was professional back home.
I love it that people are more polite in the West especially in the US. Sometimes people have difficulty understanding me and they are very apologetic about it.
I try to speak slower and louder in business especially on phone. I might slightly exaggerate pronunciations. And if I see confused look on a listener's face, I would pre-emptively apologize for my accent and repeat or spell out the word. I find this is better for conversation than being defensive about my accent.
I have fear of public speaking but I am slowly working to overcome it. If I have to do presentation, I just slow down a lot, take a lot of breaks in between sentences to let audience process a new strange accent. Usually, my presentations are with my coworkers, so they are used to my accent.
If I was in sales or public facing position than it might have impacted me more. I am lucky to be a programmer.
Also I worked with someone stutter a lot. Everyone was super nice, and they would let him finish talking. If arguments started and he didn't get a chance to say much, my manager would step in and ask him direct question if he had anything to add.
I definitely think it has had an impact on my personal and professional life, to what degree I am not sure. I try to avoid giving group presentations or talking on conference calls when I don't have to.
It has never cost me a job or prevented me from being successful as a developer (CTO now) but it is constantly on my mind and makes trivial situations more complicated. I have learned over the years that a lot of it is in my head, and most people will never know, but it still affects how I conduct myself on a daily basis.
If you do suffer from blocking I recommend always trying to be prepared for any speaking situations you might be in. Do your best to stay relaxed (face, mouth, lips), speak slowly and consistently, taking normal breaks regularly so that any blocks don't seem out of place. The best therapy is really just practicing speaking blocking words aloud by yourself or with a partner/friend.
IM is awesome. Very glad that's a thing.
I have a penchant for looking up a new word's synonyms. Which usually results in having a couple of "escape hatches" if I feel myself getting caught up. Sometimes, however, that's not the case and I just have to accept that I'm getting tripped up. At that point I'll audibly sigh, which usually un-sticks me enough to proceed.
When I give presentations, they are usually to my team. I've explained to everyone and they are understanding (I also asked them to not fill in the word they think I'm trying to say). There's mutual respect and they all patiently wait when it happens. Having that understanding really reduces the stress and makes presenting not painful.
I am still a very confident person in social situations. It doesn't affect my normal adult life. In middle school it was an issue, but I've learned to control it as I got older.
Reflecting on it now, I stutter more often when I'm with people I'm most comfortable with. Family especially, close friends, girlfriend, etc. Perhaps because my 'speech guard' is completely down. But really isn't much at all, if any.
Interviewing for the current job I have now taught me a lesson in humility. I was speaking fast, my brain was racing and it brought out the worst I've spoken in a long time. I was embarrassed because I just couldn't seem to recover, but determined not to show it. I apologized, regardless. Staying calm and collected has always been the key for me.
For me the biggest issue was bullying. My first name is Robert, so I became known as Wobert. What also didn't help was that I was born in England and moved to Northern Ireland in the mid-80s. My non-rhotic English accent made me a target for bullying like you wouldn't believe.
I spent my teenage years working on fixing it by myself. Just sitting practicing my speech. Eventually I lost my English accent and sort-of fixed my rhotacism. I say sort-of my Rs sound like Rs, but they ae very flat and I can't roll them at all.
Occasionally I'll mispronounce an R as a W, but usually that only happens when I'm tired or very distracted.
Tom Scott - Why Jonathan Ross Can't Pronounce His Rs
It's like having to translate it first from some foreign language... Maybe that's why I was always the "smart kid"? I managed to decouple my thinking process from any kind of language? ._.
It makes processing questions difficult, so with presentations I may have to suddenly end when I realise I can't understand what is being asked.
Talking for long periods is also an issue, as my brain will start issuing words that are only vaguely related to what I think I'm saying.
I've usually worked around it by having a junior dev I'm mentoring accompany me to take over when it happens.
I'm a single and multiple startup founder. When I was trying to raise capital for one of my companies it was certainly an impediment and felt like I squandered multiple meetings (investors, VC's, business opportunities) sometimes only getting a few complete sentences out.
Phone and virtual meetings are worse for me, so whenever possible I try to always meet in person. Stress and anxiety makes my stuttering worse. Strangely I've also found my stuttering seems to have seasons. Certain times that tend to get worse.
I'm pretty sure Elon Musk has a stammer/stutter but it's gotten way better probably with such public practice and working with a speech therapist since he has unlimited funds to spend on improvement.
There have been some great threads on stuttering here on HN:
- How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14949950)
- Being a single founder with a speech impediment (my own post) (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7649325)
Hit me up, my contact info in my HN profile. Interested to chat, and hear what you are working on.
I think it does not limit my performance or capabilities, definitely not as much as I was fearing when growing up. There are times when I can't explain clearly what I need, but it's not a big problem, there are other ways. I have no problem with meetings in person, but despite learning to overcome this my entire life, I still hate conference calls.
The general rule for dealing with it is "not giving a damn". It helps you mentally and improves the stuttering at the same time. Programming is a technical work, you don't need to say much and when you do, it's typically in between close team, so that helps. And if you have something important to say, people will take the time to understand you.
The only problem I have experienced are interviews. I make a very bad first impression and usually the rest of the interview is based on that.
I dread making or taking phone calls and even though I'm confident on my programming knowledge the anxiety prevents me from looking for another job where I can be making what I think I'm worth, on the flip side I would like to be a salesman talking to people all day and not having a desk job but my anxiety prevents me from doing so, anxiety worsen my stutter which in turns makes me more anxious ( a never ending cycle)
I get nervous anticipating any form of public speaking outside of a small group people that I feel comfortable with.
Fortunately, my team mostly uses slack for intra department communication but slack can't be used for everything. The worst for me are round table meetings where participation is mandatory, i.e going around and taking turns to introduce yourself, or conference calls with new people.
If I stumble on a word more than twice I just use a synonym, or a description. Get some smiles in meeting crowds, but no one really cares. It can even be a helpful "calm everyone down" thing, since people can really get stressed out.
But once in a while I will accidentally use the wrong word. E.g. saying blue instead of red.
Or I might change my mind mid word on what to say, and just start saying that mid word, and gibberish comes out. It's not a conscious thing, it just happens.
The only thing that bothers me, is that I swap out words. It is not always I notice, which could lead to misunderstandings that I won't be able to correct unless someone asks me to confirm what I meant.
Talking gibberish is not an issue, as I notice right away and will be able to repeat what I actually wanted to say.
I don't act differently because of it, and I do enjoy presenting
When I don't make an effort, my words aren't pronounced as well as they should and people have to ask me to repeat what I said (or intended to say).
My job doesn't involve phone calls or presentations so there fortunately isn't a need to speak for a long period of time.
Throughout my life my speech has gone up and down. Mainly the quality of my speech has a positive correlation with how comfortable / confident I'm feeling.
I've had speech therapy in the past and learnt techniques that help a lot but it only really works if you're prepared to spend a large chunk of your day practising and preparing for speaking situations.
Any kind of stammer has a massive impact on your life because you can't express yourself and be the person you really are. I feel like the impact hasn't been as great in my professional life because in most programming jobs your performance is primarily based on the quality of your code. However I should probably be a bit further up the career ladder, I have the knowledge but not the communication skills.
I feel a great deal of shame / embarrassment / frustration as a stammer but having said that everyone has problems in their life and I'm thankful and grateful that I've got good health.
To anyone reading this and those that have already commented, please don't hesitate to contact me - my details are on my HN profile.
The thing is, most talks are garbage. The audience really is rooting for you, because they're just desperate to hear anything interesting or see a slide that isn't just bullet-pointed text.
On a practical note, it's offen best to do the most painful things often. You may want to consider joining a local toastmasters club and doing talks once a month. One you're used to doing that, running meetings won't be so scary
One of the other things that really helped me when I was younger was being active in sports. When playing sports you don't have to talk, you just run around and play. It also helps to develop friendships, friends that won't care about any disfluency.
Another thing is practice, kids who stutter are extremely terrified of giving speeches in front of other kids (eg. oral presentations). Do your best to know if they having any speaking commitments coming up and help them prepare by practicing with them. If can make a huge difference. You can try to identify where they might trip up and help them work through it. I can tell you from experience that knowing exactly what you are going to say makes it less likely that you will stutter / block.
The last thing is to actually alter your speech around them, speak slowly and consistently while pausing naturally to show them that it is perfectly normal and even preferred to speaking quickly and getting mixed up.
I didn't have this until middle age, so I was scared about some kind of acute cognitive decline.
Seems to go away whenever I get back to healthy sleep patterns.
he wrote a whole piece that was amazing and very motivating about his continuous battle:
http://www.collaborativefund.com/blog/overcoming-your-demons...
you can find him on twitter @morganhousel
rock on mate.... the world is our oyster and we each have a unique view on it :)
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> Anyone here have a Speech Impediment?
In early public grade school [1st-4th grade after being first noticed during Kindergarten] I had to go to the school's speech therapist; I had a speech stutter plus a mild lisp against the sound "sh" as in "shut up", a worst lisp against the sound "ch" as in "chimney", and a medium lisp against pronouncing the letter "h" as in "e-f-g-H-i-j" not the actual sound as in "Hairy Henry".
Naturally, I hated being pulled out of class x3 a week for the speech therapy; it just screamed "Hey that kid's SPED" ("SPecial EDucation") and I knew it, and I also knew it wasn't doing me any favors on making friends [the prospect of bullying for "not talking right" be damned, that just wasn't a concern for me then against actual social interaction and social familiarity being time-limited -- don't ask my how I understood this so early on, I just did]. When I switched schools in the middle of 4th grade, I still had to go to the speech therapy but then also the "catch-up sessions" for "being academically behind" too, so now I was forced to double-down on being pulled out of class. Not Good, as now I'm "Double SPED". I had to get out of that crap and the sooner the better; I had to Be Normal [which became a Life Goal, as rational or irrational as you need that to be], especially as the New Kid who just switched schools in the middle of the bloody school year.
Before that school year ended, fortunately, I managed to talk my way out of continuing the speech therapy by explaining this "SPED Stigma" to the teachers, parents, and speech therapist involved [I realized the pun of phrasing it this way only 2-3 years ago, and decided to keep it for the telling here]. I got to skip the speech therapy for the rest of time and agreed to just grit my teeth through the Catch-Up sessions until summer came. Luckily enough I had "caught up enough" to be treated as a normal student from 5th grade onward. My stutter was an occasional treat instead of an Always Thing, and the "sh//ch//h" pronunciation issues were just what they were gonna be at that point with no additional helping to be had.
By University it was clear to me that my stutter was going to manifest itself when I was overly nervous, overly excited, or mentally impaired [e.g. migraines, booze]. That's fine, no one cared or cares. For the pronunciations, guess what? One single person since 4th grade asked if I "had a lisp" and simply because he was honestly curious and we were cool at the time; if anyone else has ever noticed, they've kept their mouth shut to my face so that's all whatever on that front.
I bought a copy of "The King's Speech" after seeing it in theater. The scene with the record-player and headphones in the therapist's office, and the climactic scene with the globally national radio address, are touching.
Last year I went to a ComicCon and quite randomly got an autograph from Matt Frewer... AKA Max Headroom. I mentioned that my olde speech therapist from grade school mentioned his character numerous times in attempts to get me to be comfortable and at-least be less self-conscious, and he mentioned how whatever the national "speech therapist stutterers association of America" group at the time kept calling in to the show with good will. He also gave an obligatory compliment toward how I spoke, which I of course very much appreciated. Yes, I promptly framed the autographed Max Headroom picture with no regrets.
> What about your work, phone calls, and The Dread Pirate Presentations?
My work isn't negatively influenced. Sure, I get nervous during presentations I have to give, but since I'm aware of my own stutter whilst nervous I add in the pauses and other mental gymnastics that can help my speech; I still get error but I'm ok with that for now. Still, no one cares enough to mention; I'm still not a card-carrying member of Toast Masters, but I do listen to The Moth.
I've never had problems with conference calls or meetings; sure I'll double-up on stuff like "... what, what about XYZ?" or "But that's, what's that gonna do about ABC?", but that's normal enough conversationalist phrasing to not blip on most people's radar and no one's said anything to my face about it.
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> Work with people with speech issues?
I knowingly have not as far as my memory is concerned, but a few years ago I did interview at a place where one of the higher-ups who interviewed me did have a severe stutter. "Stage 4", honestly speaking.
Obviously I was sympathetic and patient -- because of my above history, not necessarily because I was the on the short end of the power dynamic -- and asked for clarification on anything I just couldn't understand from his stutter as if he had had a very heavy accent instead. He seemed used to such interaction and took it in stride. I still felt uncomfortable, a lot of it due to my sympathy and empathy for him; we both had no illusions about what was going on -- there's a severe stutter here, he's clearly making an effort to being understood, I'm clearly making an effort to understand, so let's do this -- but since I was on the short end of the power dynamic I didn't want to play the "I just can't understand you" card every two minutes [yes I needed clarification at that frequency at a minimum if not sooner it was that bad].
Note: I wasn't provided an offer for that gig but it had nothing to do with this guy's stutter or my opposing behavior toward it; this was simply a Bad Fit all around and I have little regret over it.
The "good news" here is that at this company there's a higher up who has a severe stutter; people clearly have the patience [or tolerance, or professionalism, or whatever thesaurus equivalent you want to use] to have this guy around creating value.