Ask HN: I lost interest, what should I do?

18 points by yasbhagchandani 7 years ago | 12 comments

I have started a startup and worked very hard to make it successful until it got funded recently but as soon as partners came in the pressure increased 100 times and all of a sudden I am doing job in my own company. I have lost all the interest in work as well as company. I am very depressed and started drinking everyday just to sleep without feeling worst and directionless. I stopped going to office leading me to question my existence and having suicidal thoughts. please help me find a purpose in life.

Essa 7 years ago |

Hi there,

It takes a fair bit of courage to open up about such issues and seek help. I want to start by saying that I respect you for doing that and that it's a step in the right direction :)

I think the first thing is to speak to your local doctor or GP about how you’re feeling. If you’re currently feeling absolutely overwhelmed, they are the people who are best equipped/trained to help and provide short term solutions. May I ask if you’ve considered or already tried this approach?

Cheers

phakding 7 years ago |

I've no experience with your situation. However, when I am burned out, I travel to mountains to hike/trek. I disable all communication apps on phone including email. Funny thing is, after I come back, sometimes I forget passwords. That's how I know I have been totally out of it.

I would suggest you take some time off and do something that you enjoy. Something different from what you do everyday.

0aum0 7 years ago |

Find something, anything positive to focus on. Then continue to focus on that positive thing. If your mind wonders to something negative, bring your focus back to the positive thing. Perhaps you are focusing on a recurring set of negative thoughts? Reprogram your self with positive thought and you will will your self into a different set of feelings. I've been through something similar, and there are many things to do. I didn't like the thought of seeing a counselor, but having found good genuine help I wish I had started sooner. I like being in the sun, eating fresh fruit, and going out on walks. The basics can help. If this sounds silly, try it and find something that works for you. There are so many helpful posts others have commented. If nothing else helps, ask God to help you? You are more precious than this world.

random_comment 7 years ago |

Hello there yasbhagchandani

Lots of people get suicidal thoughts, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people get depressed. Lots of people find that they have lost their reason to show up for work when their startup changes into a larger company. Lots of people develop problems with sleep and drink.

You're not alone in facing these problems. Other people survived all these things and became happy again, and you can too, no matter how crazy or difficult that might seem to you just now.

Well done on making your startup successful. If you don't have an interest in that work any more now that it's changed, are there some other things you would like to work on? What would you do if the startup never existed? What would you do if you were completely free to pick any job in the world today?

Many of the things you feel are duties or obligations probably aren't, they just feel that way. You don't need to stay with your company; you can start another. Or you can take a career break and try some other work that gives your days value and meaning.

It sounds like working there isn't a source of joy to you any more. OK, you're free to leave the job any time you want. Anyone who tells you that you have to stay is wrong.

Have you spoken with a doctor about the feelings you're having? They will be able to give you advice and support in the short-term (less dangerous than alcohol) until you find your path again.

I know that in some cultures there is a stigma about seeing a doctor about depression. Ignore any stigma! The main thing that matters is finding your way back to happiness. A doctor will be able to help you to see the way more clearly and will give you directions to help you on the way.

It's probably best not to make any immediate changes until you speak with a doctor, but you can start making plans for things you want to do in the future that you think will make your life happier.

> please help me find a purpose in life.

Here is one to try: live for other people. Take joy from helping others and being kind to everyone you meet. Don't set your measure of success by what you have, but by what you give. Whenever you make someone else smile, you can smile with them.

Are there any jobs you could do that would help you to serve that kind of purpose?

Your former startup doesn't exist any more. Your old job doesn't exist any more. You are no longer tied to them. You can thank your colleagues and start a new job or a new company tomorrow if you want to. You can be free of that particular burden any time you choose to be.

ian0 7 years ago |

Its a mission to get a company up and running, let alone to get it funded. I assume you worked your ass of for it and succeeded against the odds. You started with nothing and created something under duress, well done.

Burning out is a bitch. Your not alone, its something that a lot of us have went through. Take a break, take stock. Seek your doctors help or at least talk to good friends and let them know how your feeling - right now. Thats what they are there for.

Later you may be back in the company and happy. Or off somewhere else and happy. Doesn't matter really. Burning out is just your bodies sign that you need a personal refactor before adding more features. And by fixing it your giving yourself the foundation for the next crazy thing your gonna achieve :)

Get well soon man.

segmondy 7 years ago |

It's okay, most people don't wish to get rich, most people wish to be the boss and run things, you just discovered which part you fall into. Since you don't wish to get rich, walk away and start something new, next time don't accept funding.

personlurking 7 years ago |

Many years ago, an unpleasant family member owed me money and I had tried in vain to get it back, until someone pointed out that the cost to rid myself of the negative experience and person was to view the amount owed as a sunk cost and to walk away. From the moment I saw it this way, I felt relieved and happier.

I know a funded startup is much larger in scope but perhaps the cost of your sanity and well-being is walking away (as user random_comment says at the end: "You can be free of that particular burden any time you choose to be.").

yashevde 7 years ago | |

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3L1Tokh3Pg

I think you'll really enjoy this clip and this movie

personlurking 7 years ago | | |

Thx. I remember seeing it when it came out, and again some years later. A classic.

rjkennedy98 7 years ago |

My experience is that you need to be easier on yourself. That 100x pressure you feel, my guess is that mostly that's yourself. Do the minimum to get by and be easier on yourself till you feel like you are capable of more.

tmaly 7 years ago |

Take some long walks, do some thinking, breathe. You might have to pivot as the company grows, your role will evolve. Try applying the 80/20 rule to things. Think of it as an opportunity to grow a new skill set.

jryan49 7 years ago |

Maybe it's time to take a vacation and get some space from the company and try to reflect on what's wrong.