If you tell someone they smell like a toilet but you smile before and laugh after, or sort of squint and say it playfully, it might be a joke and not mean.

This is doubly true of a family member.

I don't think the book is making him out to be a jerk....

> Ms. Brennan-Jobs describes her father’s frequent use of money to confuse or frighten her. “Sometimes he decided not to pay for things at the very last minute,” she writes, “walking out of restaurants without paying the bill.” When her mother found a beautiful house and asked Mr. Jobs to buy it for her and Lisa, he agreed it was nice — but bought it for himself and moved in with his wife, Laurene Powell Jobs.

> Ms. Brennan-Jobs said she wrote “Small Fry” in part to figure out why he withheld money from her even as his wealth ballooned, and as he spent it more freely on the children he had with Ms. Powell Jobs. She said she now sees it was about teaching her that money can corrupt.

It's almost as if whenever financial support was involved, he went out of his way to actually embody the moral corruption and decadence of wealth. It's an extraordinarily Spartan and hard-bitten way to teach these lessons. One must marvel at the mental fortitude required to keep coming back to him with such obvious love. She seems to have taken it as an almost Islamic lesson in peace-through-surrender, requiring the same absolute faith without recompense.