Ask HN: How and at what age did you tell your children the truth about Santa?

3 points by throwaway40324 6 years ago | 10 comments

I believe in the 'magic' of Christmas and Santa, but need to explain in the most positive way to my children that Santa isn't real. Any advice or reflections on this out there?

Note: Let's please leave the context of any discussion mostly Christianity free

davismwfl 6 years ago |

I've gone through it 3 times. It really depends on the kid I think, but the minute they ask you and are past 8 IMO you shouldn't keep it up. In general the 8-11 yr old range is when all three figured it out, and friends seemed to have the same experience. My step daughter was the only semi-traumatic kid when she found out. She had learned around 9yo or so and heard it from some kids at school and started defending us and went into the whole my parents would never lie to me etc. That one was tough on my wife, my personal take was yea, she was upset but she'll get it as she gets a little older (which she did). My step-daughter has always been a little more creative and has a crazy good imagination so it didn't shock me she was more disappointed.

My two kids, son and daughter both figured it out around 10yo or so, and both had heard it around school and then asked me, so I just didn't lie once they asked me at that age. I had this rule in my head saying by like the 6th grade if they didn't figure it out I was going to tell them just cause in middle school kids can be kinda cruel.

One thing I think makes it harder on kids now is like for my step daughter my wife had used the Santa online, where Santa sends video messages to the kids and is talking to them using their name and you put in stuff that happened during the year and what they want etc so it is wickedly personalized. I think that makes it way harder on kids that have great imaginations since that makes Santa seem so real.

throwaway40324 6 years ago | |

Thank you so much for your input! I've been concerned about mine being 'the kids at school', causing a chain effect for other kids and parents to handle the aftermath.

davismwfl 6 years ago | | |

Totally get that. I told my kids after they knew it was their job to help keep the magic for the kids who still don't. I just used the comment that "you wouldn't want someone to have ruined your magic so don't be that kid and ruin someone else's" etc.

Funny part is my step daughter knew before my daughter, and my step daughter was the one who was a bit bitter and hurt and so we used exactly this to make sure she didn't hurt my daughters feelings by spoiling it. She got into it after a little while and was having a blast helping us do creative things with the elf on the shelf that year before my daughter figured it all out.

All good times, kids are awesome.

rman666 6 years ago |

I don’t think we ever really told them. We just let them figure it out, which they all did, probably by age 10. I guess my advice (father of three) is to not emphasize Santa after age 5, to not be the first to bring it up, but to be honest when they start asking questions. I’d also emphasize the “magic” of the season regardless of believing in Santa or any specific religion. It’s nice to set aside a time of year to visit family and friends, and to show how much you care for them.

throwaway40324 6 years ago | |

Thanks!

DanBC 6 years ago |

Is there any pressing reason why you need to tell them? Is there any reason you can't wait for them to figure it out themselves?

I'd be interested to know if there's any age differences across countries too. My kid (in England) knew at age 7 that something was up, and had fully worked it out at 8.

Xmas is a lot more fun now he knows.

throwaway40324 6 years ago | |

Thanks! Actually, no there isn't a pressing reason. I figured it out as a child myself, so perhaps it's less of an issue than I anticipated. Have an awesome Christmas!

Porthos9K 6 years ago |

I never lied to my kids about Santa in the first place, and we don't acknowledge Christmas.

throwaway40324 6 years ago | |

That's one approach, but you didn't answer the question. How did you go about telling them that Christmas is a big sham?