Ask HN: What do you do on the weekends?

58 points by mburney 14 years ago | 70 comments

Hey HNers,

I realized that I've been working too hard on my startup, so I decided to force myself to take weekends off.

I've found it to be a lot harder than I expected. Since I've lost touch with most of my friends and I am single, sometimes I'm at a loss what to do when I'm not working.

I'm 28, and not too excited these days about drinking or partying throughout the weekend. I have a side-hobby (jiu jitsu) but I usually do it on the weekdays just before I get started on my work.

I find myself wanting to read a book on compilers, or think about marketing or something startup-related, but I force myself not to do those things, since it seems too work/tech related.

So I'm wondering, what do you guys do on your time off? How do you achieve that work-life balance?

Sukotto 14 years ago |

I have 2 kids and an infant. My wife works most weekends (fri noon through sun night) so I spend my weekends as "single dad".

Lots of playing on the floor, going to the park, cooking, and that sort of thing.

It's a reasonably good life though I sometimes envy you single, childless guys for the enormous number of hours you get for yourselves. You think you know. But you really have no idea just how much time you have right now. Enjoy it

So from that perspective here's my advice. Do all the stuff you can't do when you have kids. Have lots of sex. Go on spur-of-the-moment day trips. Stay up late and sleep all day. Take flying lessons, or dancing lessons,or whatever. Seriously work towards ticking off items on your bucket list. Don't just sit around though because as soon as you have kids your combined disposable income, free time, and social flexibility shrink to a thousandth of a percent of what you have now (that's only a small exaggeration

cheald 14 years ago | |

> Do all the stuff you can't do when you have kids. Have lots of sex.

Boy, there's a self-defeating setup if I ever saw one. <g>

geuis 14 years ago | |

True, but you have a family. There's a lot of value in that...

spydum 14 years ago | |

This is so spot on -- I am in the same position (and I wouldn't trade it for the world).

poissonpie 14 years ago | |

so so true.....i can't actually remember the last time i read a book that didn't have pictures in it.....but man, you can't beat having a child :)

nostrademons 14 years ago |

Losing touch with your friends is your first mistake. If you rebuild those relationships or forge new ones, almost everything else will take care of itself.

As for what I do - yesterday was Stir-Fry & Starcraft, a home-cooked meal at friends' house followed by like 10 games of Starcraft. Tomorrow I'm seeing Harry Potter with a couple friends. Last week was dinner & Super 8, along with more Starcraft. The weekend before was a party at the Rainbow Mansion and July 4 fireworks. The weekend before that was some off-roading with a friend and his Jeep and a lunch date with a girl off OKCupid. Somewhere in there was a kayaking trip as well. Various other first dates have also been had in the weekdays between them too.

Edit: Okay, I just did a couple code reviews for work an hour ago. I swear, it's not my whole weekend!

salsakran 14 years ago |

Reconnect to old friends or make new friends. While there's a certain masochism about sacrificing everything on your startup vibe on HN, if you want to do startups/entrepreneurship for more than a single deathmarch to burnout, you need to keep things sustainable.

Keep training jiu jitsu, maintain social relationships, chase girls (or boys or whatever) and make sure you allocate time to keeping yourself healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally. For most people that means a social network (not the facebook kind) to keep you grounded.

Otherwise, pick a hobby, preferably one that is social but where you won't be tempted to spend escalating time on it. Sports league, dance, improv, whatever.

mindcrime 14 years ago |

what do you guys do on your time off?

Time off? What's that?

How do you achieve that work-life balance?

I'm working on a startup, I don't have time for work-life balance.

What do I do on the weekend? Well, I get off of my dayjob around 5:00pm on Friday, I drive home, swinging by the grocery store to stock up on coffee, sugar, cream, sodas, etc., then settle into my favorite chair with my laptop and start coding... continuing until around 6:00am or so, on Sat. morning. Sleep until 1 or so, get up, work another couple of hours, then take a brief break by going to Barnes & Noble for a latte or something and to browse books for a while, maybe sit in the cafe and read for a while. Then I come back home, and start working again. That goes on until 3-4 or so on Sun. morning. Sunday I usually get up around noon, work another hour or two, then do laundry, and the last few hours of the day before going back to bed, I either work, or -when I'm feeling burned out and needing of a break- watch a movie or something.

HeyLaughingBoy 14 years ago | |

Yikes! Sure hope the end result is worth it!

mindcrime 14 years ago | | |

You and me both. But really, I couldn't do this forever, obviously. It's basically like what pg talks about... the goal is to make some serious sacrifices for a certain period of time, where the payoff - if things work out - is a lot of freedom later in return.

Yeah, it may not work out and - worst case - all this hard work goes for naught. But I turned 38 today, I'm not getting any younger, and if I intend to live out some of my dreams, it's time to make it happen.

zachcb 14 years ago |

Since I don't work for a startup, I spend most of my weekends wishing I was working on/in a startup. I have few friends, so when I'm not doing anything productive I feel mentally awful and occasionally get chest pain. So weekends are pretty tedious for me.

This isn't your standard answer, but I figure I'd give you a perspective from someone on the outside wanting to get on.

chmielewski 14 years ago |

Too easily, one can justify that their computer is both their work AND their entertainment. I've enjoyed trying my hand at some offline gaming. Feeling like anything fantasy/sci-fi can be a waste of time, I turned to a WWII tabletop miniatures war game called Flames of War. It's a three in one: social interaction with some older guys that I can shoot the bull with whose social circles I wouldn't usually fall into, diorama construction and historically accurate miniatures painting (hone those artistic mind-muscles), World War Two history. I'm not trying to go for a shameless plug but I've found in it more than a game, not imagining I would have learned so and become THIS much more interested in history. ..and as some of the other comments have pointed to, exercise is ++. Hiking, biking and exploring the OFFLINE world around you can be key to returning fresh (and inspired!) on Monday.

tsewlliw 14 years ago |

I have a small boat (starfish). I sail it in smug bliss over my graceful mastry of the winds. Im a complete sucker for things like codifying board game rules in prolog, but that doesnt cross your mind when you are lord of the local waterways.

pingswept 14 years ago |

Recently, I've been moving really heavy things (like a slab of granite for a stoop and a cast iron sink in my basement) from one place to another using minimal force and simple machines (wedges, levers, etc). This kind of work is as far from programming as I can get, but still has an intellectual component.

I've found Jaimie Mantzel's videos about roadbuilding to be a good explanation of what I mean: http://jamius.com/Road.html

Groxx 14 years ago | |

That video is oddly mesmerizing. The second one is better though :) It has bouldery excellence, Queen, bees, and you get to watch him push a frickin' tree over. Though in the 3rd, he discovers "the world of BULK LEGO on eBay".

I think he is going slowly crazy. Or more comfortable with the camera. Though are those all that different, really? Great entertainment, either way :)

sceadu 14 years ago | |

So you do real-life Minecraft?

aspir 14 years ago |

Run, eat lunch with friends, and do as much creative/educational activities not directly related to my day-to-day as I can. That also includes doing "touchy-feely envisioning" for some of the time. If partially relates to my job, of course, but it helps me get ready for the next week. Taking a step back from work while actually thinking a little bit about work itself helps me charge back up.

mannicken 14 years ago |

Weekends have kind of stopped existing for me. I do not understand the necessity of having certain time for work and certain time for leisure. I'm going off of fundamental principles of delivering basic value to whoever needs it in return for money. And who fucking gives a shit if I created that code on Monday from 9-5 or on Saturday at 3am.

jh3 14 years ago |

I go to bars with friends, I go to concerts, I read, I sometimes just go to places like Barnes & Noble, buy a coffee, and either read a magazine or just sit around and watch people. Lately I've just been going out with a few close friends, usually to a bar or two or three, to drink and laugh and talk and have a good time. It never gets old if you're with the right people. Yeah, it's not hiking or biking or walking, unless you count walking to the next bar, but it's always great being able to unwind. Definitely not the healthiest weekend activity, though. If you can handle being alone and have some money to burn you should travel. I'm going to Europe for a couple of weeks just for fun. Being single has its perks.

There's nothing wrong with reading a book on compilers or thinking about your startup's marketing campaign, but I think it starts to become wrong when that's all you do. Being single isn't necessarily a bad thing either. I mean, it isn't the greatest thing all the time, but that all depends on how you're looking at it.

Anyway, if you think it's fun to just sit around and read then by all means do that. Don't think you have to do something else. By the looks of it though, you don't think it's fun. It seems like you're forcing yourself to think it's fun because everything else seems scary or too difficult to do. Don't just work all day everyday. You'll just burnout and be worse off then you are now.

ajdecon 14 years ago |

The key, for me, is forging and maintaining relationships with other people. I spend a lot of time with my girlfriend, which is the best thing ever. I hang out with a few close friends. When I can commit to decent blocks of free time, I fence epee and go kayaking, and socialize with others who take part in those activities.

When I can't manage that kind of commitment, or I need solitary time, I read a lot of fiction and play with the cats. I also have some hobbies with low time commitments or at least a lot of flexibility: robotics, learning about science outside my own field, brewing beer. Occasionally I'll do something related to my current field (HPC), but even then I have a strict no-real-work rule: the only work that gets done on weekends, barring emergencies, is on side projects.

I learned to do this after grad school, during which I focused on my work 100%... and then experienced a period of burnout so intense I could not imagine ever being happy again. I know a few of people who seem happy, or at least satisfied, in a cycle of 100% for a year or two, followed by 4-6 months of burnout, then back to work. But my burnout was accompanied by depression, continuous feelings of failure and shame, and a deep lack of interest in anything in the world. No amount of productivity is worth my sanity: I need my work-life balance.

Kilimanjaro 14 years ago |

I work my ass off coding mon-fri for my corporate overlord, to spend the weekend on my most rewarding hobby: coding.

reduxredacted 14 years ago | |

Work-life balance is when your work is reasonably a hobby. In coding, a lot of the things we hate at work tend to be the bureaucracy associated with being part of a traditional corporate "team".

I always joke that I'd do 80% of my job for free (as long as the people I'm joking with don't work for the company that employs me).

I liken it to architecture/building: The day job is designing and overseeing a great McMansion. In the end, it's pretty nice, but a lot of the time is tied up in passing inspections. On the weekend, my kids (...and me) have the most amazing tree-house ever imagined.

mbenjaminsmith 14 years ago |

Pack the trunk with (micro)brews and drive the family down to the gulf (of Thailand). We sit on the beach, eat seafood and drool at (future) beach houses. If you're trying to fight off burnout I don't think you can beat the beach. On the other weekends we go restaurant hunting, go to movies or watch friends' bands play. A big dinner and a movie is usually enough for a weekend recharge.

gte910h 14 years ago |

Dinner with friends every Sunday at our house, cooked by my wife and I, with some settlers of catan type board games before/after. (6 years now, jeesh, that's like 250-300 dinner parties come to add it up).

Some time walking someplace on Saturday (usually a restaurant).

Watch some stupid something or try a cheap steam game or play a wii dance thing.

Read a novel/part of a novel.

Sleep in a lot.

Take a trip with the wife to a cuban sandwich shop

Improve some part of my condo.

staunch 14 years ago |

Posting this on a Saturday might skew the results.

ja27 14 years ago |

I usually have things with the kids - scouts, sports, church, First LEGO League, etc. but the summer is pretty quiet. There's also yard work. I get most of the other housework done during the week. Since I have a "day job", I usually spend part of the weekend lining up scheduled blog posts, tweets, etc. for my side things. I should spend more time coding for side projects but I don't.

Before kids, I used to go hang out at a bookstore for a couple hours and read whatever I found interesting, go for long off-road bike rides, volunteer for fund-raising walks/bike rides, volunteer with the Red Cross, hang out with friends from a ham radio club or college, etc.

If you can't reconnect with friends, just make new ones. Try meetup.com, look for tweetups or barcamps, go to user group meetings, join clubs (ham radio, model railroads / rockets, LEGO, cycling, etc.), take a class (cake decorating, painting, etc.), volunteer somewhere, go check out events at local bookstores / libraries, etc.

grigory 14 years ago |

Lots of mountain biking and hiking. Heading out to local mountains tomorrow with SO to hit the trails and hike around a bit. I have a long list of books that I'd like to read, so I get to them in the evening usually.

If the weather is bad I play with things like Arduino and toy around with new languages.

Also, coffee shops with friends, sometimes dance clubs if a good DJ is in town.

proxwell 14 years ago |

I set my own schedule, so I don't really distinguish between week and weekend. I'm often working on the weekend and you can find doing weekend-like activities during the week: surfing, mountainbiking, snowboarding, etc. I especially like having the flexibility to do these things during the week as the crowds are usually much smaller on the mountain/trail/lineup.

For me, the weekend is different primarily in that I get less email from clients and partners. This can be an advantage in that it enables me to have more uninterrupted work sessions. Of course, many of my friends do work traditional work weeks, so I often make time on the weekend to do things with them – dinners, dates, hikes, etc. The weekend is also a better time for me to make my international flights, as it minimizes the impact to my availability during the workweek.

bdickason 14 years ago |

I'm a product manager by day and I generally have a hobby that I throw myself into on weekends that may/may not be work related. Currently, for example, I alternate between coding (something I don't get to do at work) and playing video games like TF2. Once my wife gets home, however, we do stuff like rooftop gardening, going out to dinner, etc.

My past 'obsessions' (as she calls them) have included DJing 3-4 nights per week, producing Disco music, playing world of warcraft, and doing kickboxing/jujitsu.

In short, do what you feel passionate about whether it's work-related or not. If you feel like you should be spending time with your friends, go for it! If you feel like doing startup stuff, do that.

As long as it's what fuels you, work-related stuff is not a bad thing.

calebmpeterson 14 years ago |

I can relate. After starting a job out of college, I had to spend 40+ a week at work, and then still had my own side project(s) to work on. It's been a process for me to learn to take time off and invest in other deeply important aspects of life.

I realize this isn't directly relevant since you're currently single, but... I spend time with my wife and son. In your case, try to reconnect with close friends you've lost touch with, call your dad/mom/brother/sister etc...

Another idea is to get outside, do some walking/hiking/cycling/swimming... This can be a bit of a beast during the hot summer months depending on your location; it's usually cool in the mornings pretty much anywhere though.

It's hard to re-learn relaxation but it's a worthwhile endeavor!

mehmeta 14 years ago |

Dancing tango and jumping out of planes. Both are very rewarding and clear your mind like nothing else. With skydiving you get to do exciting and challenging stuff with your fellow jumpers, since it requires no less than absolute concentration it's great for getting away from the stress of the daily grind. It also makes me go outside and soak up the sun, which is great since I'm not as attracted to most other outdoor activities.

Dancing provides the physical activity you terribly need as a knowledge worker, while doing something fun. I've also come to experience that it also effortlessly generates a social life for you which can expand to as much time as you'd prefer to allocate to it.

agentultra 14 years ago |

I'm not doing a startup, but I have had to defend my separation of work and life rather strongly in my circles.

Here's my take on it: we're all dying. You get a very limited amount of time to spend in the best amusement park ever. Once it's gone your done. So try and have some fun along the way.

When I'm not working I'm thinking about programming. Or I'm climbing a mountain. Camping. Running. Spending time with my wife. Painting. Playing my guitar. Climbing trees. Occasionally I'm out at the bar with friends.

I prefer to be alone most of the time. It's where I get my energy from. Ultimately you just have to discover what works for you.

dennmart 14 years ago |

I've spent a good chunk of the past ten years using almost every moment reading up and learning about all things tech. This year, I decided to hold back on the tech stuff and started to read up and learn a foreign language instead (Japanese). It's been extremely refreshing to be able to do something completely new for a change. And it's had a bonus side-effect for me that I really didn't anticipate: it's actually helped me to do more quality work during the week because of these two-day sabbaticals. My mind works so much better on Monday mornings.

zwieback 14 years ago |

Jam session. Get a guitar or other instruments and find out what open jams there are where you live. It's easy to pick up enough skill to strum along and soon enough you could lead some of your own.

shiftb 14 years ago |

I work, walk, and sleep. I'm consulting fulltime, working on my startup fulltime and have another part-time thing so I don't have a lot of free time. I usually spend weekends working on my startup. When my girlfriend is in town I relax more and take her out.

Lately I've found myself walking a lot around my neighborhood and riding my motorcycle to help clear my mind.

Reading this back to myself... it sounds boring, but I love what I'm working on and feel a pressure to get it out into the world so it doesn't feel boring.

lchengify 14 years ago |

Whatever you do, find a group. I make it a point to go out at least every other weekend with a group unrelated to work.

I recommend finding a group for something unrelated to your work but that you are still passionate about or at least find interesting. For me it's geeking out about movies and eating morning Dim Sum.

It's also nice that it "pops the bubble" a bit and reminds you that other people may not interact quite like you do at work. People still poke fun at me when I say I'll "ping" them about next sunday.

AndrewWorsnop 14 years ago | |

absolutely.

rluhar 14 years ago |

I tend to run, read and just chill out. Most weekdays start at 5 and end at midnight (work about 12 hours a day, I don't work for a startup, but for MegaBank here in Japan). So the weekends are spend just forcing myself to slow down, and try to devote myself to more leisurely pursuits. Recently I made an inventory of all the half read or unread books lying around in my flat and on my kindle and am trying to finish as many of them as possible. I am failing!

deniscales 14 years ago |

I have a family, so my weekends are filled with honey-do lists. Well worth it, though.

Can you cook? If not, learn. Cook new stuff and invite neighbors over for dinner and get to know them.

ams6110 14 years ago |

I have kids, so a big chunk of my weekends tends to be doing stuff with/for them. There's also shopping, laundry, housecleaning, yardwork... all the boring normal chores. If I have any energy left I try to read a bit or learn about something new. I find it difficult to do anything really productive on the computer over most weekends. Sometimes the stars align and I get a few quiet hours.

WesleyJohnson 14 years ago |

Many times I'll take in a movie at the local theater; go shopping for odds and ends; go window shopping for some cool toys; play a round or two of disc golf; PS3 (Bad Company 2 mainly); toy around on the keyboard (I can't read music, but it's fun); bowling once every few months; go for a drive just to clear my mind. None of them are overly adventurous or anything, but they get me by. :)

dstein 14 years ago |

As part of my condo fees I have access to a community swimming pool. Last year I didn't use it even once. Big mistake, it's a wonderful way to spend an afternoon, either by yourself or with friends. I take my ipod, drinking water, my comfy lawn chair, and sunscreen and hang out all day long. It's simply amazing how good you feel after a whole day of sunshine and swimming.

helwr 14 years ago |

reading a book on compilers, seriously, the dragon book, i'm on page 61, "top-down parsing"

js2 14 years ago |

http://www.bahiker.com/

nolite 14 years ago |

are you single? Get a girlfriend. That will cure your problem of having too much free time (or money)

BCM43 14 years ago | |

This assumes that the poster is either a straight male or lesbian female.

nolite 14 years ago | | |

notice I didn't ask about his/her/its preferences..