Ask HN: How to Live Alone I have tried to live alone on many instances ranging from 1 to 4 months. But each time anxiety have grappled me from the neck. It's simply not possible for me to live without constant human interaction. Now, I want to know if that's possible at all in a healthy way? If so please share your wisdom. |
Anxiety is a mental health condition. Addressing it as such can be a good idea sometimes. Good luck.
And HN of course, this place moves fast so you can always strike up a convo about anything usually.
I’d urge you to come terms about your loneliness. Solitude is not the same as loneliness, as there are many ways to find interaction via the web.
Most of all debilitating loneliness usually comes from a lack of a companionship, usually romantic in nature. Don’t confuse that with other things, as there are plenty of high-energy, ready to talk 24/7 people online all over the place.
Some Discord channels have the same talkers at certain hours, and people become acquainted with the usual crowd pretty quick. I’d like it if HN had one to be honest.
I don’t remember what it was like in the IRC days, but I’d like to imagine it was similar to something like this.
I can easily do days without other people, but I would keep myself very busy (hobbies, sports, projects, books...).
If you are unused to it, avoid just passing time doing nothing or watching TV, find a purpose to your alone time.
If you can't, don't sweat it and find a roommate or a partner :)
This is why I generally hate online advice.
1) Not everyone is exactly the same and can copy your mindset/routine/etc. and be fine.
2) Very rarely do internet strangers understand you and your situation intimately enough to give proper advice leading to repeated cliches and other things that end up pissing off a lot of people.
At the same time, it might be most critical if you've got no other option, when I suggest you look up some professional help.
I think, for me the key was that I had enough friends who I can visit anytime without any advance notice. Also back then I worked from office, so I had plenty of in person interactions during the week.
Another thing, I used to hangout in coffeeshops and bars, if feeling lonely.
that said, i suspect living alone is _not_ normal -- meaning, humans prob evolved to live together in at least small+ groups.
most people that live alone, they haven't _really_ lived alone, imo -- b/c pre-covid, we used to be able to interact, date, etc.
not anymore. bigpharma owns us.
It is possible, because many people do it. But if you have already made up your mind that you cannot do it, then you cannot.
My suggestion would be to change your mind and decide that you can live without constant human interaction and want to figure out how to do that. Then put in some effort to figure out things that make you feel good while being alone.
Others have posted about pets. I agree, they are great companions. Spend some time volunteering in a local pet shelter to see if you might like a pet. Having something else alive in the house makes it feel less like you are living in a box.
Learning how to be happy and make the best of your life is a lifelong project. It requires effort every day. If you are lazy about your life, you'll likely be unhappy with it too.
I love living alone, but sometimes at night I do get a pang of anxiety: what if I choke on something and there's no one around to help?!
Other than that, I love having my own space with no one but my cats around. I think my ideal living situation with a partner would be either us having two separate apartments nearby or at _least_ one larger house where we each have our own dedicated space to retreat to (for days, if desired). The thought of being around someone else 24/7 just sounds stressful and no matter how comfortable I feel with the person I'm never _fully_ relaxed until I am alone.
Perhaps move close to family? Live with parents?
I’m the opposite- I love being alone a little too much for comfort.