I had read through only the main part of your post and not the comment that continued it before you decided to remove it. It sounds like you've really struggled and need some clarity. I do think that the right therapist can be life-changing. In the US it's not easy to find any therapist who takes your insurance and is accepting new patients, and that makes it extra hard to go the extra mile and find one you really click with. But it is worth it. And remember that your worth isn't just success in your career. There are many paths through life. You're just starting out, but you'll find yours. And don't be too hard on yourself! Things will get better.

No 1) - Get some professional help. Aint no one here trained to guide you. And even if they are - they would need the proper time to understand you and your situation before providing advice.

No 2) - See No 1).

Is a utility for downloading different versions of the nodejs runtime. Kinda like pyenv, *env etc.

What about it? Besides the fact there are probably more gotchas to wiping out caches for JS modules than Carter had liver pills?

Or is this a lets dunk on JS thread? Which I'm probably not the most receptive to after spending the last month deep diving the ecosystem, growing to appreciate the language somewhat.

I'm going to be blunt here and say that HN is not the place to get help for suicidal thoughts. Please seek out a medical professional.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/