On being tired(jukkaniiranen.com) |
On being tired(jukkaniiranen.com) |
When the author refers to "normal tired" and "dead tired", I think that echoes with my two states. I don't quite think of them as existing on a scale, but the experiences sound similar.
Doing stimulating things (exercise, reading aloud, singing) can usually bring me out of the state of languor. Just getting that adrenaline rush is enough to jolt me back to life (and thus I don't think of it as recharging; more like a jump start).
If I'm exhausted, I can feel gravity in my joints, and I'll have to rest. Regular sleep, exercises, and generally keeping a good health is the only way I can combat exhaustion.
Exercise. Video games. Occasionally (rarely?) an academic subject that I am good at and interests me can also elicit this excitement and energy.
But in general I go about life in a rather "depressed" mode. Most tasks are done not because I feel that little kick to do them, but because I know if I don't my life will be worse.
I often wish I was more naturally excited by things which are less stimulating. I waste a lot of time just satisfying that part of my brain that craves stimulation and novelty. It's really a shame, because I truly do wish I were spending that time on productive or meaningful pursuits.
I've wondered over the years why I'm this way, when I work among peers who seem to get stimulation from reading such arcane topics as linux kernel development.
I can only assume in my case the root cause is video games + the internet. I'm in my mid 30s and have had a video game in my hand since I was 5 or 6 (original game boy). If my spare time wasn't spent playing video games, it's spent on the lottery game of social media / the internet over the years. I'm only just starting to work on undoing the damage these mediums have done to my motivation and stimulation center. If I'm honest, part of me doubts I'll ever be able to be genuinely excited about some of the hard work that I wish I could be excited about, but the thought of living the rest of my life essentially a slave to stimulating media is a depressing thought. I want to create interesting things, which means I need to be genuinely excited to learn new subjects.
Since you mentioned the word depressed, it can't do any harm to talk to a mental health professional too if you're concerned in any way about your emotional state. It may or may not be needed but that could also be a factor.
Likewise, I do find exercise helps when I do force myself to do it. The issue is often I have days where I struggle to motivate myself to do stimulating things, but perhaps that's another issue. Not really sure what could help there.
But I'm in the same privileged or at least not working physically position and I found most correlation with number of tasks I'm focusing on.
If there are too many things at once or none of them stands out, I'm more likely to feel tired.
If I'm focusing on a specific thing associated with specific action with no other things on my mind, it seems to be getting done effortlessly with high energy state.
That’s why I think long running work streams with focus are so important. Context switching has cost beyond just the startup and tear down.
The article, good and thoughtful as it is, suggests that a dead-tired state is somehow just more tired than normally tired. But there is also a tiredness in which you are keen and ready and would be happy to get moving with something, but your mind and body are unable to do the real work competently - the analysis or the lifting. This is like your exhaustion, without your languor.
I had this feeling a lot during 2020 and put it down to a justifiable mental response to the times (I hadn't had Covid, as far as I knew) until, slightly to my surprise, I was diagnosed with a vitamin B12 deficiency which turned out to explain pretty much the whole thing.
I wish lack of excitement and being tired felt the way you describe, but if anything it's the opposite.
I get more dopamine from being exhausted physically but overextending myself than I do from being bored, much to my misery.
People are so different for a myriad of ways that I don’t see how many of these ideas are generalizable.
Even being the same person but having different sugar and caffeine habits can dramatically change your energy level throughout the day. Without caffeine and sugar I have steady level of energy throughout the day. With sugar and caffeine I have peaks and valleys. It’s why I haven’t had soda since 2013.
Growth = stress + rest. When physical or mental stress outpace rest you will get tired. The intensity and duration being the big differentiator.
The difficultly is that in both states, you don't feel like doing anything.
If someone has a quick way to distinguish between lazy and tired, I would love to know.
Physical exhaustion is different: its only cure is a nap.
My wife is an extrovert. She is energized by going out, visiting places, doing things, meeting people.
I'm an introvert. I get energized by staying in, reading a book, watching a movie, spending time by myself.
This creates tension every weekend when we need to negotiated what to do. This friction is weary by itself, but then the outcome almost always makes someone unhappy. Most weekends rather than recharging for the rest of the week, I end up more tired than I started.
Not sure how well this will generalize but if you find yourself in those bottom steps it's worth it to do some introspection and audit how you spend your time.
Personally, even when I have good energy, almost everything I do drains it and doesn't give it back, until I sleep to recharge.
Maybe this is the difference between highly motivated people and the rest of us, that they find it normal for activities to give back energy.
For example, starting out with running feels very exhaustive and draining but once you're in the habit of it you overall feel more energetic I believe.
Was that the only symptom for the psychosis diagnosis?
I switched careers several times. About 2 years into my dev role I realized that I do have a relatively fixed amount of cognitive stamina. Took me a while to actually get it.
1. Partying all night has an extremely bad effect due to several factors I better not mention directly
2. Competitive gaming is sucking the life out of me. I have taught myself to avoid playing seriously anything Quake or StarCraft as these high skill 1vs1 games naturally attract other wannabes just like my younger self. It's all very demanding and I always end up either taking a beating or 10, or sacrificing the next few work days.
I have learned to take the ego hits and suffer horrible humiliations in the games that I love.
In any case, what never fails to charge and heal me is going to nature. Does wonders to body and mind
Unfortunately there’s no time to party during the day.
I am tired. I hope to get my energy levels back up as all I want to do is sleep.
I take iron liquid supplement but I don't know what's causing it.
Some days I have energy and can be on the computer until late. Other days I don't want to know.
This is a defensive mechanism of a living organism to keep ROS levels at bay. But what happens if one ignores the fatigue? ROS cellular levels will continue to climb up to the point of a pathological cell destruction. The thing is ROS are chemically active and when there are too much of them, you are asking for problems. Such as: broken enzymes in mitochondria, overoxidized lipids, damages of DNA and mtDNA - it all starts to accumulate. This is when a fatigue may gradually transform into one of the physical diseases. Cardio-vascular problems, T2DM, cognitive impairment, ME/CFS. The list go on and on [1].
So, if you often feel tired then you should be very aware of the underlying biochemical processes. It's all mental until it's physical and hardly reversible.
But. If you are past a certain threshold, ROS can do so much damage that it starts to affect cellular ATP production, leading to a tissue hypoxia. When this happens, it leads to onset of an acquired mitochondrial dysfunction. This is a pathological state that is characterized by a lingering fatigue as its main hallmark sign. Such fatigue does not go away after sleeping.
But usually it is not like 0 or 1. A person may have something in between and live without even knowing it, thinking that it's all just mental or age-related.
That's been my case since childhood but I only found out a couple of years ago that I have mild sleep apnea. I was fitted for an ALF appliance and did myofunctional therapy and mostly corrected it. Now I sleep with tape over my mouth, which lets me wake up feeling mostly normal instead of hungover:
http://sleepapneatherapist.com/mouth-tape-sleep/
The only difference is that I use 2 pieces of 1/4" wide ordinary surgical tape in a X shape so that the outer lips are held closed instead of the center. This is for aesthetics, to keep the upper lip from stretching over time, which can lead to unpredictable levels of homeliness :-/
Hopefully this helps someone get enough energy to get themselves checked out.
Edit: also, the tape is short enough that it's easy to open your mouth and rip the tape off in the middle of the night to breathe. The tape is more of a hint to the body to get used to sleeping with the mouth closed.
All I know is that you have to fight it. this tiredness doesn't go away with more rest. On the contrary, your self-esteem will take a hit and you will internalise your lack of power.
A camping trip for example could allow you an opportunity to read, and enjoy nature, and give her the opportunity to explore (hike, kayak, forage, etc.)
If that doesn't work you may also just consider doing different things on most weekends, and making explicit time for each other for a nice dinner, a movie, or something more traditionally 'dating'.
We’re opposite in a lot of things we prefer: - They love traveling w/ crazy schedules, bouncing around timezones for a week or two at a time. - Sleeping and waking late. - Going out late partying with friends. - Spin classes or yoga with club music blasting. - When not doing the above, they stay home doing literally nothing but watching Netflix or reading in bed for days on end.
They are either fully on, or fully off. I find this exhausting and/or boring as hell, depending on what mode they’re in.
I prefer the opposite in a lot of ways: - Staying local, maybe taking a day or weekend trip every few months, and international trip once a year. - Waking and sleeping early - Time alone every day - Working on personal projects or hobbies - Lifting weights or exercising while listening to stimulating lectures or books. - Having hours-long meals with friends or family once or twice a week.
We’ve found that instead of trying to do things we don’t like to appease the other. We find things that overlap for us and make it a point to do them together whenever possible: - Cooking some meals at home - Walking our dog around the neighborhood - Going on day or weekend trips once in a while. - Meals w/ friends and family, when I peel off to go home after, when they go meet up with friends to burn the midnight oil.
This often leads to the sort of deep tiredness described in this post for introverted parents.
As a parent, it's hard to remember that ending a weekend "recharged" is a common experience.
Is it necessary to negotiate? Why can't each of you do whatever they want to do?
"Fine you go out I'll read a book" or perhaps "I'd generally rather read a book than go out, but I'd like to spend this time with you, so I'll go out with you to visit places".
It's obvious once you understand the differences but until then it's pure misery regardless of how much you love the person.
You're often either unhappy or making them unhappy for no apparent reason.
Eg tiredness caused by actual, diagnosed, Long Covid often does go away with more rest. In fact, even a tiny bit too much, too soon, can severely set back your recovery. To my understanding, parent's "just will yourself back into shape" advice is the exact opposite of what long covid patients should be told.
(Source: wife has long covid since January; her own experiences + what her therapists say from research and other clients)
In some unfortunate situations you need to take some risks to get out of it.
> Another key observation is that this tiredness I’ve been feeling is different from depression. I’ve experienced the latter in the past on a few occasions and while there are similarities in how they impact your life, I’d put them in different buckets. If only for the reason that I haven’t encountered these current experiences before.
Maybe it's a little bit of both; lack of motivation gradually eating at your reserves and transforming you into a generally tired person.
I think for some the daily grind causes noticeable fatigue fairly quickly (if not managed actively).
I had COVID in March 2020 and I feel like ever since then I'm more tired all the time, even if I sleep enough.
It all starts with lingering fatigue.
[1] https://www.hormonesmatter.com/recovering-from-post-covid-mi...
A few day’s afterwards, I went out to the mailbox to grab my mail. This is maybe a 5min walk. I was panting heavily by the time I got back. I used to walk 12+ miles a day in shit heat and I’ve never been particularly in shape, so that was worrying.
I haven’t noticed any increase in my tiredness, but my sleep schedule had been fucked long before COVID existed.
> Maybe you'll find that you can somewhat recondition yourself gradually.
That's the goal. I intend to be patient with myself on this task and work on it over the course of the next few years. I have no doubt that it will take years to effect any kind of substantive change.
Nobody really knows how it works exactly, but it's a fact.
Sometimes the body needs rest, it's certainly true, but humans are adapted to a rather unforgiving environment in which you had to function even when in bad shape. Mind and body are connected.