Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes(dimensional.me) |
Gender and Age Differences in Love Styles and Attitudes(dimensional.me) |
EDIT: a striking example of this, they say "women give more gifts" in terms of LL they express, as a finding. But only 32% have this as a top two expressed LL, so a good majority of women don't even have gifts as a top two expressed LL. So, who cares about the percent difference 8%, does it matter? What does it even mean? What if 1% of men did X vs 9% of women? Why would the interesting takeaway be "wow, women are more likely than men to do X!!" vs. "gee, a sheer minority of people do X at all."
Saying the words "women are more likely than men to do X" leaves the reader unfortunately with the impression "many women do X," whereas that might not be true.
I wonder if this is related to "X is better than Y." leading to "How dare you say X isn't bad!" I didn't, X can be extremely horrible, it can be the second most horrible thing to exist. The only qualifier I gave was that Y was at least one rank more horrible than X. If instead I had used "Y is worse than X" this likely wouldn't have happened.
I'm wondering if many people, when reading a relative comparison, imagine it in some absolute setting and then assume that was the intended information to convey. If your case they imagine a case where more women than men do X, meaning they imagine a whole lot of women doing X and very few men doing X, even though it could actually have been 2 of every million women vs 1 of every million men.
Is there an accepted term for the extra caveat-ing and qualifying that people do with language these days to avoid the non-logical misinterpretations of factual statements by stupid people?
There's a reason you don't ask a woman for advice on dating women, or men on how to date men. Most people, particularly young people, don't actually know what they want. Personality tests aren't worthless, but you're essentially asking people about themselves that way.
A better study should ask one sex their perception of the other. This is imperfect, but I believe personal experience is more useful than self assessment or personality tests. In the end, it's how the sexes actually interact that matters.
Just as much as people don't know themselves, they often know even less about others.
While the study does present the love languages. The section about “love attitudes” seems like it could have similar utility for understanding what one wants in a relationship. Providing some ideas to introspect with about one aims to feel and/or express in a relationship. I'm wondering if anybody here has any good resources on the topic? Since the site and study seems to keep mum on that topic.
[1] https://www.mic.com/life/do-love-languages-actually-matter-p...
It simplified the process of learning each other's needs and communicating, and through time we've gotten better. I'd recommend it to anyone.
How do love languages apply to women in Saudi Arabia or Papua New Guinea? What about subsistence farming communities in Africa? What about native tribes in Brazil or Colombia?
IDK, love languages seem like any other pop psychology fad like Myers–Briggs or whatever came before it then promptly forgotten.
I don't see it as harmful but I'm sure we'll see more about it in the future as it has grown in popularity. Every woman in their 20s/30s I talk to has at one time mentioned it to me which was not the case until about 2 years ago.
I'm sure different cultures will have different ways of expressing affection thus leading to a different set of "Love Languages".
Not everything needs to be scientifically rigorous to make a positive impact. Though I agree it's useful to keep in mind the limitations of a given description. MBTI is neat but making it part of a job application feels like a step too far.
A western interpretation of love and the associated descriptions probably doesn’t apply to other cultures.
That's the case with any response anyone gives under almost all life contexts...
What people say they’ll do/buy is often only loosely correlated with what actually happens.
See:
-YouTube thumbnail controversy, vs what people actually click on
-/r/apple and other comment section’s obsession with the commercially-failed mini lineup of iPhones
-everyone says ads don’t work on them, but ads work
I could go on
That distinguishes between "I truly want to be alone" and "I want to be alone because I am not the person I wish I were".
Matriarchal societies would definitely have different results than a country where women have no rights. Even in countries that are more average in gender equality, how do you explain the difference between countries in the percentage of women in leadership positions or in parliament?
"Gender differences in personality tend to be larger in developed societies (such as France and the United States) compared to less-developed countries (such as Zimbabwe and Malaysia)" ¹ ²
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits_an...
¹ Funder, David (2010). The Personality Puzzle. NY: WW Norton & Company. ISBN 978-0-393-93348-2.
² Costa, P.T.; Terracciano, A.; McCrae, R. R. (August 2001). "Gender differences in personality traits across cultures: Robust and surprising findings". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 81 (2): 322–331. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.81.2.322. PMID 11519935.
> Non-binary and “other” genders are excluded from this study due to lack of sample size.
We all know the dangers of using oversimplified models in other contexts, but the same applies here and happens to be one of the largest generators of present conflict. It's a classic map-territory problem applied to people themselves and - whether the map makers know this or not - those who control the maps can sometimes also control the territory.
Yes, giving identical labels to very different phenomena is a big problem in this kind of survey-based approach.
On Maggie McNeill's blog, one post touched on the idea that women want sex to last longer. She pointed out that women do frequently say this, but what they mean is that they want foreplay to last longer.
Basically this just tells me that people lie on personality tests, or they interpret questions differently. Behaviorism is the only science in psychology. Question answering should be considered a behavior, and not a reflection of internal characteristics. In that light, you essentially have, among men mostly, a behavior, direct presentation of mating intentions, which has been consistently punished, and the opposite behavior, reflection of female mating desires, which has been inconsistently rewarded. The result is either duplicity or avoidance. It seems that the reverse phenomenon may occur for expectations later in the relationship, as evidenced by females initiating 90% of divorces among college-educated women.
One theory I have heard to explain this is that is wealthy societies, men and women are free to follow their own differing inclinations, while in poor undeveloped societies people choose whatever path offers the best economic and survival outcomes.
What I think we figured out is that we have "compatible" (co-enabling) anxieties that keep our relationship mostly functional. That feels like a drastic over-simplification but accurate, I think. All I know is it feels like the most emotionally productive year of my life and our relationship is way better now. However, I still haven't figured out how to tone down the anxiety much :)
Good news, you're completely normal. Every couple has their unconscious dance both in a positive and negative way.
Barring physical ailments, low vitamin D (etc), the solution for anxiety is do your healing work. Anxiety is often unresolved fear, anger, shame, guilt, etc. Everyone has anxieties, and they have to be dealt with daily.
If you are disparate enough, you can use a matrix bridge to get blue bubbles from anywhere