Books on Becoming More Socially Adept / Charismatic? Lately, I keep noticing that my biggest hurdle at work is my inability to communicate effectively enough to convince others. I do not want to do this in a manipulative way, but by communicating better, clearly, more convincingly. Any books, or thoughts on this? |
However, when I finally brought myself to read it, I found it's a treatise on changing your attitude towards other people.
The core thought is that if you want to be interesting that you should be honestly interested in other people.
This really struck me as a humble and approachable way to do better with my communications and as you better understand people you'll just naturally be more persuasive.
If you’re holding off on reading Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” because of the title (like we were), please give it a shot.
I almost wonder if the title is made to appeal to people more ruthlessly ambitious than I and maybe nudge them to be a little more understanding of others and make them more socially successful to boot.
I found Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” to be somewhat similar in that the title seems to be targeting highly ambitious people while the subject matter is useful to a broader audience. But I think that book only has a couple sections of interest to the OP. There are also some faint religious undertones to the 7 Habits that may escape the notice of or not bother most that I am unfortunately predisposed against.
1. Know yourself. Create an elevator pitch of what you want. It needs to be one sentence maximum. Do not create a laundry list of unrelated items. What you want can be somewhat vague e.g., "Artificial Intelligence 3.0". But you need a phrase so that later searches can find all the emails, presentations, documents related to your proposal.
2. Know your audience. Your audience is busy, drowning in minutiae, tired of being cold-called/up-selled/bothered by salesmen. What's in it for them? Are you freeing up their time? Or are you asking for help, to free up your time?
3. Trust/credibility. People make mental short cuts. This also applies to people. If you have a reputation for being earnest and forthright, people are more likely to pay attention. If you don't have such a reputation, find someone who does.
The former comes from intrinsic self-belief and acceptance, as well as genuine curiosity about the people you interact with.
Clear communication is more of a skill that you could learn from a book or guide. It depends on if you want to write or speak convincingly - writing structured arguments is definitely one way to clarify your thoughts and organize them in a logical way. This guide from Animalz provides one great persuasive writing model: https://www.animalz.co/blog/bottom-line-up-front/ In terms of interacting with a team and leading different types of personalities, I like the business classic Five Dysfunctions of a Team: https://a.co/d/jc3UExI
The one thing that really stepped up my communication skills was moving to Chicago. Chicago people are emotionally intelligent and are eager conversationalists — this creates feedback loops in which I just talked more and the more I talked and the more positive reinforcement I got, the more I did it and the better I got.
I think being immersed in a culture where communication is prized and people are good at it is a cheat code.
1. Stephen Covey, The 7 habits of highly effective people
2. Brinkman and Kirschner, Dealing with People You Can't Stand