Ask HN: Dealing with that *challenging* work personality

4 points by throwarayes 3 years ago | 6 comments

How do you deal with that person at work that:

1. Takes feedback as a personal attack. Gives feedback as a personal attack. Up to and including getting colleagues fired who have had disagreements with them.

2. Process is for thee, not for me. They complain when others don't follow the rules. But they act completely independently of process and complains it holds them back.

3. They never take responsibility / never contrite or apologize. This. means when they cross the line, it's just the new unspoken standard of behavior. Not something they take time to repair and apologize for.

4. They see software development as a zero-sum game. If you are succeeding, it means its taking away success from me.

And no, I'm not talking about someone who's incompetent. Or someone who's a bit gruff.

Now the obvious answer is 'leave' BUT its been my observation that most jobs have had at least one person that fits this profile. And you may not know when you interview.

How have you dealt this person in the past?

debarshri 3 years ago |

This guy should be fired. I hope it is not just you who feels this way in the team. There is always an underlying problem like compensation, ego, insecurity issues. I had a team member like this when I worked in amsterdam. If the management does not solve this, it is better to find a new job where thing are better. It often says a lot of the organisation if they do not manage this properly.

I felt more at peace when I left that job.

doublebind 3 years ago |

I've been there before. It's frustrating; I'm sorry for you.

Here is the thing, you're not going to "fix" that co-worker's behavior, and trying to do so or deal with it can consume you or stress you in ways you can't anticipate.

Check your options to move to some other project within your company. If your team lead can't handle the situation (or is unwilling to), the workplace is not worth your time. Move on because, as I said, fixing the issue is outside your hands.

Not every company has these idiots, or they're in other teams, and you can safely ignore them.

qthrowayq0909 3 years ago |

Tried to raise to management and/or team lead. It's really their job to handle a$$holes (not to mention to not hire them in the first place).

But, most of the times they either didn't care or were spineless so next up is moving away either to a different role or team or department or a company. Every place has a$$holes but some places have a culture in place that does not allow them to go unchecked.

PS: Is him ex-FAANG? Usually it were such people for me.

throwarayes 3 years ago | |

Yes, very much so.

My challenge is management sees this person as indispensable and not as big of a deal. The person works hard to make themselves indispensable, and really bad at coaching others to do their role. To some degree they see this person as a problem, BUT this person is also really good at putting on a good face for higher ups.

sharemywin 3 years ago |

If management doesn't see it as a problem then you have a management problem.

sharemywin 3 years ago | |

I also think this is a matter of degree.