Ask HN: Books that helped you become a better person? Maybe you were lacking something and you realised that after reading a book. Then you changed yourself and became someone whose company people enjoy more. |
Ask HN: Books that helped you become a better person? Maybe you were lacking something and you realised that after reading a book. Then you changed yourself and became someone whose company people enjoy more. |
The disdain for novels by some people (Sam Bankman-Fried as a particularly egregious example) is really rather pathetic. Fiction, and more broadly storytelling, plays a vital role in shaping who we are, how we present ourselves to others, and how one can learn to do those things as well, in the midst of a community. Besides, their are more great books than one can read in a lifetime. It's a resource that can't be spent.
Some excellent examples:
Middlemarch, by George Eliot
Brothers Karamazov, or Crime and Punishment, by Dostoyevsky
Madame Bovary by Flaubert, or Bel-Ami by Maupassant
The Book of Jacob by Olga Tokarczuk
Death of the Heart by Elizabeth Bowen
The Corrections by Franzen
Recognitions by Gaddis
Foster by Claire Keegan (short but incredible)
(That's a personal list, and by no means exhaustive, just some recommendations.)
It's probably highly unpalatable to modern Western sentiments (e.g., one of the chapter titles is "Trauma Does Not Exist") but it otherwise has really original lessons that I haven't seen articulated elsewhere, despite the sometimes overly formal English translation.
Helped me understand how my communication style was hurting the people that I love and stunting my career growth.
Ultimately, I don't think I agree with the book's conclusion, but the journey was helpful for me.
Pretty much any well written fiction is worth a read, The Odyssey, Brothers Karamazov and Armor! (for its depiction of ptsd) are also standout favorites.
Asimov series and short stories, Heinlein as well.
And some are were just a sheer pleasure to read as a teen, like the count of monte christo.
There is non-fiction as well, but I'm not sure non-fiction has made me a better person. Maybe "how to win friends"?
Do people enjoy my company more? I hope so. I try to talk less as I get older and not hog all the attention. Love your neighbour as yourself.
My Bible reading this morning was about a woman called Ruth who stuck by her Jewish mother-in-law in very difficult circumstances. Ruth wasn't Jewish but went on to be King David's great grandmother. King David being one of the most famous Jews of all time. Interesting stuff.
In addition to the personal benefits - I'm convinced there are societal benefits to taking care of your health at this level. Reduced healthcare costs if more people take care of themselves, financial incentive for food producers to invest in healthier options, etc.
Book was very eye opening. Sure, people can just TLDR it and say "Eat well, exercise, and sleep", but there really is a lot more to it. You break those categories out in to specific pieces, most people don't know how to eat well. They don't know how to properly exercise. They don't know how to get the most ideal sleep.
As a side note, I feel that there should be an obesity rate for health insurance, similar to how there is an increased rate for smokers. The risk level is the same, and in the vast majority of cases it can be nullified by lifestyle decisions.
This is my current mind-changing book. Its a great framework for explaining how different types of people handle complexity, and how/why people react the ways they do. I really like how the framework is framed around 'complexity' rather than maturity. I've gained a much more constructive approach to handling disagreements rather than a 'smarter/better than thou' approach.
In particular, Ariel Bloomer of Icon for Hire / the REL Show put out a fantastic video that resonated into me. PS Please go donate to support the band, they are INDIE. https://youtu.be/ggYF7JeH1Tw
Or, I suppose, a different way to ask that is: How did this book help you become a better person? I have recently read the book and could see nuggets of wisdom within it but turning theory into practical application hits a snag.
What this book taught me is that everything is about relationships. The quicker you can develop a rapport or the better you can get on with people the more effective you will be. I think it also helps you understand that 99% of people don't set out to be arseholes. In their mind they're the good guy. I think if you remember that and can work out why they think that it will help you understand another person's motivation and be better able to collaborate with them.
Helped me to be cautious about my emotions. It made it a lot easier to visualize what’s happening inside my mind in a simple way.
If you struggle with things likes self control or managing your emotions the book is a must read imo.
My professional mentors helped me learn really useful things that aren't found in books at all, and I can't even recommend any good books on those topics, because they haven't been written.
As a general example, a huge component of "being enjoyed in company" comes down to the specific relationship dynamic in each situation. So it's a very common mistake to make it personal / about you and how enjoyable your company is. This can then cause the unwanted outcome where you end up inadvertently making the whole situation about yourself.
As long as you have the basics of relating covered, it's typically much more about the mix of people in the situation, one of whom is you. And in many cases it's better to treat a "how's my company, good/bad" situation as a roll of the dice, and simply move on to another set of people if your company isn't enjoyed to your satisfaction. (It's typically weird to read this and still kinda weird to write it, but it's really a thing)
There are literally relationship combinations out there that are associated with near-instant laughter and enjoyment among those involved, even among people who others think are the most dead-boring people on earth. These combinations and their dynamics have been mapped out in various ways by various groups (and this is right about where people usually ask me for books, and sorry).
Also, people of different personality dynamics tend to experience different categories of things that they _can_ consciously realize they were lacking, and then _can_ consciously change. So this leaves open the possibility that you can read very helpful books and never connect their advice with the most obviously-needed changes in your life, because you can't consciously admit that you need those changes, until & unless you discover the nature of this blind-spot dynamic within yourself.
I found that there were a lot of classic works or other public domain works which turned out to cover both the conscious / unconcious-stuff-I'll-appreciate-later aspects. One of these was _The Count of Monte Cristo_. Others include _Scaramouche_ and _Tom Sawyer._ In non-fiction, _Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin_, _James Nasmyth, Engineer, an Autobiography_, and _Around the World on a Bicycle_ were of immediate interest and later I was also able to see a different, more helpful side to them.
Batchelor's _Buddhism Without Beliefs_ and some fairly existential stories by authors like Osamu Dazai really helped me explore the conscious-existential side of life without so much of a self-help / philosophical-didactic conversion aspect. They effectively enabled some immediate and really huge relationship benefits, with regard to relating to others, that I didn't understand until later. (I translated some Dazai, and IMO if you can talk or write like Osamu Dazai, most of your up-front relating work is already taken care of, maybe)
I really appreciate this kind of non-didactic stuff that has such a simultaneously tangible effect, but sometimes it's also kind of one-trick-pony content, in that way. So later I return to enjoy it for nostalgia, a different type of self-support.
There are some way-more-didactic self-help titles that I found helpful early on, but I find them kind of embarrassing to talk about these days at the same time. For example Dale Carnagey / Carnegie's _How to Win Friends and Influence People_, L'Amour's _Education of a Wandering Man_ and _Life's Little Instruction Book_, but those books may be helpful to just about anyone at a basic level.
Just some ideas / thoughts, good luck to you in your search.