Ask HN: What 60 folks can give career and general life advice for 40 folks

122 points by maheshs 3 years ago | 81 comments

I have come across several advice posts targeted towards younger individuals, and sometimes I find myself thinking, "I wish I had known these things earlier in my life."

However, there are certain pieces of advice that are applicable to people of all ages, such as maintaining clean eating habits, engaging in regular exercise, fostering healthy relationships, and building a strong network of friends and acquaintances.

Considering this, what kind of advice can individuals in their 60s offer to those in their 40s?

PreInternet01 3 years ago |

Not quite in my 60s just yet, but close. Anyway:

Work: find your niche. Accept that you're not going to be a hotshot coder/consultant/whatever forever. However, outside of 'fashionable tech' there is an entire world where you can make a comfortable living and nobody cares about your age. That doesn't mean you can stop learning: remaining up-to-date on relevant skills is important, but 'relevant' does a lot of heavy lifting there. Be knowledgeable/reliable instead of trendy.

Leisure: don't put off things you truly want to do until some unspecified later date. You might not make it (see 'health' below). Find at least one activity to enjoy on at least a weekly basis, travel (even if it's close to home), go for walks, spend time with your loved ones.

Health: everything truly and rapidly gets worse once you're 50. Stop smoking now, stop drinking now (or at least moderate a lot), talk to a doctor on a regular basis, take care of your teeth (really).

(That last paragraph is awfully generic, but until such time that we invent time machines, a very important one...)

JohnFen 3 years ago | |

Everything you wrote is wonderful, but I wanted to expand on this:

> Accept that you're not going to be a hotshot coder/consultant/whatever forever.

I would add that it's likely that you won't even want to be a hotshot whatever forever. Getting older is like every other change in the stages of life. Some doors close, some doors open, but mostly -- what you enjoy and want out of life changes. Embrace that, and don't keep chasing the things you wanted in youth purely out of habit.

6ak74rfy 3 years ago | | |

I am in my thirties and had this exact realization recently.

It’s so true. There were things I imagined myself becoming or doing when I was younger. I never got to them but also had nagging feelings about them every once in awhile.

Once I let go, it was liberating. I now pick a few things I go deep into and other things will just have to wait or may never happen, and I am okay with that.

gigatexal 3 years ago | |

This should probably be enshrined on tablets somewhere.

I too am worried about either moving into management or starting my own company or something else because there’s no way I’m going to be a worthwhile IC into my 50s. I need to do something more.

epicureanideal 3 years ago | | |

I sure hope I have a big exit sometime before 60 (20 years from now), because the cost of living in the Bay Area is crazy. It would be awful to work as a "well paid" (but most of it goes to living expenses and raising kids) software engineer for many years, and then need to retire in some rural area on social security, with bare minimum quality of life...

haspok 3 years ago | | |

Some people do like coding until retirement and are / were quite happy about it. (Recommended reading is thecodist.com - who recently started blogging again!)

scarface74 3 years ago | | |

Why not? I’ll be 50 next year and I’m very much an IC.

emodendroket 3 years ago | | |

> I too am worried about either moving into management or starting my own company or something else because there’s no way I’m going to be a worthwhile IC into my 50s

I'm curious why you say this.

esel2k 3 years ago | |

How do you niche down would be my question here.

I am 40 next year and have missed the opportunity to niche down - I work as Tech Product Manager and enjoy my job but find very little opportunity to really focus on something I truly enjoyed. Either the startup run out of money, the project in the large org got cancelled or there was simply not product role available.

I'd be glad to know if somebody has an advice on how to niche down (technology, domain, personality, branding etc.) Thank you

GianFabien 3 years ago |

For me the biggest factor has been understanding how the hedonistic trap limited my options.

It works like this: you start a new job with a nice big bump in salary. You buy a new car, go to fancier restaurants, take dates to "in places", move into a nicer apartment. With each increment of income, expenses increase. Pretty soon you are trapped in an awful job but the pay is too good and you have no savings.

Getting off the hedonistic treadmill is very painful. But there's more to life than staring at computer screens and putting up with shitty bosses.

scarface74 3 years ago |

I’ll be 50 next year so I’m right in the middle.

Short version: after Covid, we realized we didn’t care about “stuff” and we wanted “experiences”.

After Covid lifted, even though it didn’t affect anyone fatally in my immediate or extended circle fatally. It did make me change my perspective and priorities.

In June 2020, my youngest (step)son graduated from high school and decided to work and not go to college. I made it clear to him and his mom since he was 9 (when we first got engaged) that I would find a way for him to college. For all intents and purposes they were my “sons”. I had planned to cash flow his college expenses. But after asking him repeatedly, he assured us he didn’t want to go.

The same month at 46, I fell into a fully remote role at $BigTech and assigned to a virtual office that meant a significant pay increase.

In 2022 my wife and I both decided we wanted to move to Orlando for a change of pace and decent weather all year.

We found what we thought was a nice condo and learned it was a unit in a condotel. An arrangement where we own the condo unit. But could only stay there 6 months out of the year. The rest of the year it was rented out like a room in a hotel and we got half the proceeds.

My wife then had the brilliant idea of us “nomadding” for the other 6 months (actually 7 from March through October).

We sold our cars and now we take Uber everywhere when we are traveling and use SixT and do monthly rentals when we are home. We fly from city to city in the US and stay in midrange hotels.

Everything we physically own that’s not real estate fits in four suitcases. It would be three. But I have one packed with my “business clothes” for the occasional corporate trip

My wife is deep in the fitness industry and before we go to a new city, she reaches out to instructors in that area to take and guest teach classes.

When we are “home” we pay one fee that covers all utilities, internet, access to a gym, a lake, and multiple large pools, three restaurants and a convenience store onsite.

We threw out everything and downsized from a 3200 square foot house in the burbs of Atlanta to a 1300 square foot condo that was the same price in 2022 that our house was in 2016. We rent our house out to our son and two friends

srge 3 years ago |

A healthy man wants many things. A sick man only wants one thing.

Take care of your health!

leobg 3 years ago | |

Great quote. Tolstoi - Death Of Ivan Ilyich. (Modeled after a successful lawyer, I hear.)

paologiacometti 3 years ago |

my two cents, even if I am not 60 but nearly. Do not underestimate the role of chance and fortune in all the decision you made. Don't even think for a moment that all the efforts you put in your job/career, relations and to stay health will somehow led to a positive (for you) outcome. The mantra "if you dream of it you can have it" leave to the posters because it's totally wrong and it can bring you to mental problems if you embrace it. I know it sound depressing but I see lots of people at my age (55) that are nearly broken because for example they sacrifice everything for their careers and goals and now that they don't get what they want are a complete mess. On the same way I see woman that sacrifice they own being for the children and now that they children as grown and do not care so much about their parent are loosed in a life without meaning for them.

tskupinski 3 years ago | |

There is a simple way to counter this effect - focus on road, not on the destination. If you enjoy what you are doing, you won't get disappointed even if it doesn't work out in a long run for different reasons.

sroussey 3 years ago |

Imagine yourself in your 60s. What would you tell yourself now? Be honest.

A mental fabrication like “you are 65” can unlock thought pathways that you have subconsciously blocked.

dmoo 3 years ago |

Call your Mom, Today.

emodendroket 3 years ago | |

Well, tomorrow is Mother's Day, anyway.

dmoo 3 years ago | | |

Cool, did not know that as I am in Ireland and we have different dates but as a general piece of advice for those in their 40’s I would recommend making the effort to keep in touch with your parents. Equally if you have teenagers, remember this phase will pass so try and stay connected with them because pretty much the only thing that matters are the small few people you really care about.

roland35 3 years ago | |

Haha I would but my mom is an toxic and abusive pain killer addict so I think I'll pass! But if your mom is nice yes you should call her!

WelcomeShorty 3 years ago |

Treat your partner well, you got some daunting times ahead of you as a team.

Your children will (need to) leave the house. Prepare and assist them.

Your family home will be oversized, if you can, pass it to one of the kids who needs it most.

Moderate your financial fix costs.

Get your car / bike / sailing / paragliding licence now.

You are still a player in the "looking for a partner" market, go for it now or forget about it completely.

Gibbon1 3 years ago | |

> Treat your partner well

Be really leery of anything that builds resentment. It's an insidious relationship poison.

xtracto 3 years ago | |

My dad found the love of his life at around 68yo. In the last 5 years I've seen him happier love-related than ever.

So I dont think your snippet about that is necessarily accurate.

WalterBright 3 years ago |

Max out contributions to your 401k, IRA, Roth IRA, and HSA accounts.

ianai 3 years ago | |

That actually assumes quite a high income unless you’re just telling 40 somethings to live very austere.

WalterBright 3 years ago | | |

401k often comes with employer contributions, as well as your contribution is tax deductible. If you do only one, that's it.

The IRA and the HSA are also tax deductible.

Spend your health care expenses with the HSA, making them cheaper for you.

I'm not a tax accountant, and if you want accurate advice consult with a CPA.

p-e-w 3 years ago | |

Assuming that there will be any actual money in those accounts by the time you get to retire is incredibly optimistic. With the way things are developing, everything being wiped out by some event in the next 20 years seems far more likely.

The list of potential causes is long: Bank and government failures, demographic collapse, AI, climate change, war, inflation. Or, some future government might simply decide that they need that money more than you do.

And no, "the people" won't revolt if that happens. They will be far too scared to do so.

WalterBright 3 years ago | | |

All my investments are in stocks. People tell me "what if the stock market goes to zero?" Well, then I'd lose everything. But consider this - if the stock market goes to zero, so does the bond market, so does the real estate market, so do hog futures, your NFTs, your collector car, etc.

The only thing that goes up is ammunition.

So sure, it could happen, but I'm not going to diversify, because that won't work, either.

ksaj 3 years ago | | |

They've been saying that since I was a kid. Every generation seems to think there's is the one that runs out of money and the world runs amok.

It doesn't mean this one won't be the one. But I think one can build up their wealth without the paranoia baggage from generations prior.

A more positive spin on this, is to remember not to keep all your eggs in one basket. Things do fail, so therefor your wealth should not be in one thing either.

One thing you should never do is get into the mindset that "Ah, everything's gonna fail anyway" and then completely fail to prepare for a comfortable retirement, and all the (often expensive) things that will happen between today and your last day.

gwbrooks 3 years ago | | |

No climate model predicts broad, capitalism-ending economic shock within the next 20 years.

ggm 3 years ago |

Exercise more, sleep hygiene and eat and drink less.

rqtwteye 3 years ago |

Take care of your health. Think about how you want to retire.

xtracto 3 years ago |

I like the advice provided by Jack Ma.

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/01/30/jack-ma-dont-fear-making-mis...

At 40, I'm just doing what I'm good at, learning things that interest me here and there. But my main dedication is to my health and wellbeing. I changed jobs to WFH and stopped being a manager/VP to return to be an IC in something I like that is low pressure.

Because I've loved the thrill of startups, I do tech Advisorship for new startups, particularly for people that want to do something tech, but have no clue how to start. I charge in equity only, which makes it thrilling for me.

local_crmdgeon 3 years ago |

I've read a lot of these - generally it's that money matters less than family, it's never too late, success is steady action over a distance instead of one huge burst, and that your health matters more than you can imagine.

jaybrendansmith 3 years ago |

- The amount of calories you need after 50 drops almost in half. You slowly become allergic to many foods. Regulate your diet better. - Use it or lose it. That means the ability to climb stairs, walk, run, pushups, jumping jacks, but also play an instrument, type, write, do math. Go out of your way to keep doing these things. Get a personal trainer if you can afford it. - Travel as much as you can now. It's more fun when you're young. Money spent now is worth more than money spent later in more ways than one. - For your career, find your masterpiece, something only you can do that will either live beyond you or perhaps help many others. You may need to take some risks to find it, if you don't do that in your 40s it might be too late in your 50s. - You can't time the market, but start saving now for your kids college or retirement. Just take the money out of your paycheck if you can and pretend like you never got it ... your living standard tends to expand to your income. - If you don't have one, find a partner. It gets harder to find one after 40, and after 50 you may stop caring. It takes two.

kmarc 3 years ago |

Not 60, but trying to somewhat predict where I will be at that time... As a non-native English speaker I used to say:

20 years ago I knew that if I wanted to have a great career today, I had to learn English. Today, if I want to have a great career 20 years from now, I should learn Chinese.

(since then I left the telco bubble, maybe other parts of the tech industry are not that Chinese-heavy)

quonn 3 years ago | |

People said the same 20 years ago and it‘s not going to happen for many reasons.

- The language of science remains English.

- Only a small part of the Asian countries has languages with a similar structure. Meanwhile, North and South America, Europe, Australia, Russia and India are within the Indo-Germanic language family.

- English has both simple grammar and a simple alphabet. To succeed a language also has to be easy to adopt.

- China is getting more important, but the sum of western countries also will be

4gotunameagain 3 years ago | | |

*Indo-European

Also the language of science remains English because still the west is the most prevalent economy. As history has shown, science follows the strong economies. Let's see how that plays out, if we manage to not implode, because we sure are heading there right now.

As much as I hate American foreign policy and large parts of the culture as well, it sure as hell beats Chinese.

kmarc 3 years ago | | |

It's quite much possibly my (previous) bubble.

> The language of science remains English.

While I agree with you, born and raised in the Eastern block, they also had their common blanket statements. Looking from the other side, they turned out to be wrong.

I'll keep an open mind, in case I'm again on some other sides.

bombcar 3 years ago |

40? It's not too late to learn new skills. You have the advantage of having already learned other ones, and probably 20+ years experience working. You can learn something new, especially as an "add-on".

iancmceachern 3 years ago |

Advice in how to age with grace

deely3 3 years ago | |

"Don't be a dick"?