Ask HN: How to get over fear of retaliation by co-workers (past BAD experience)

4 points by vbh21 3 years ago | 5 comments

I have a fear of office politics now, having been in situations where coworkers were not polite/out for themselves at the expense of others, including me. I couldn't survive/cope well in such a scenario and now I am looking for a new job.

Having had such a bad experience, I was not sure if I'll ever be 'normal' again, wherein I trust my coworkers and am able to do my best work for any company.

I know this can be solved. Just looking for opinions, and advice.

--V

solardev 3 years ago |

In my experience, different workplaces can have very different cultures. Size of company matters a lot, as does industry, your role within the company, etc. If you don't like cutthroat coworkers, finding a smaller place, a less competitive industry (maybe not pure tech, but a tech job in another vertical), or being part of a more niche team can all help.

It might not be you, but the environment you and your coworkers were forced to work in. That sort of culture is meant to encourage high turnover instead of cohesive long term teams. Not all places are like that though.

Early in your career it's easier to get exploited as commodity labor. But if you hang in there, you can usually less find toxic places (and eventually nice places) over time. Or consider moving to a different field or country with better work culture, if that's possible.

ActorNightly 3 years ago |

In the case your work is actual tech work, and not some managerial position where you have to learn how to play politics

Step 1. Always have savings to survive months of being out of work.

Step 2. If you have anxiety or other issues in being at work, get some professional help. It may be as simple as an ADHD diagnosis that is causing you to ruminate on things, and a Vyvanse prescription will actually calm you down and allow you to think clearly.

Step 3. When it comes to work, treat it as a contract. You are paid to do the technical work. Office politics are irrelevant. Do good work and let it stand for itself. If you are encountering adversarial things that are hindering your ability to do assigned work, let your manager know. If the manager doesn't fix it right there and then, and you have no real desire or skill of navigating the adversarial atmosphere, quit.

DamonHD 3 years ago |

Office politics does happen, but not to the same degree everywhere. It sounds like you have had an unusually bad experience.

Part of the reason I have been freelance and founder for 30Y+ is to insulate myself from such idiocy to some degree. That might work for you too.

nikau 3 years ago |

easiest solutions are:

a) join a smaller org where you are the only person in your domain so there's nobody trying to compete with you

b) be a contractor where you don't give a shit about politics because you aren't building a career and will just move on after x months.