tl;dr:

1) "Compliment the first flight attendant to get better service." Um, dude, if you're in economy that person is almost certainly not going to be the person serving you. Not gonna help, and certainly be nice, but uh, you're not going to get special treatment.

2) "Load up the app and if a better seat is open, you can take it." Not gonna work, if you're expecting a better seat.

3) "Don't check a bag." Yeah, dude, like, we know not to check a bag unless we absolutely have to. We're not all globe-hopping playboys packing a little bag for our overnight in Dubai. Many of us pay extra to get on the plane early to ensure our big-ass carry-on isn't gate-checked. Not in touch with the modern world.

4) "Don't use your cell phones without headphones." Well, yes, 100%, I wholeheartedly agree and if you do that, you are the devil. But that's no secret. We all hate those people.