I Sometimes Worry That I Wouldn’t Be Such a Feminist If I Were Hot (2020)

lincon127 2 years ago |

This is a 20 year-old's blog post talking about how she hasn't quite figured out what she wants from dates. It's definitely not as introspective as the title makes it seem.

nunez 2 years ago |

Come on now.

I get the just of the post, but after reading the content therein, this is a super defeatist take.

Who cares if you're not a skinny girly girl or a tall dude with blonde hair and blue eyes? Not everyone's into that.

There are so many things a person can do to improve their appearance before succumbing to typical gym and diet tropes (though those aren't bad things either!)

The author is 23 (though she was 20 when she wrote this). When I was 20, I looked like a _steaming pile_ compared to what I am now at 35. Dressed terribly, awkward in social situations, and surprisingly clingy. Ironically, I was skinnier then.

To close this post with something that makes this appear like HN-worthy content if you squint hard enough, I often feel the same about my career as a black/Latino person in tech.

While I would consider myself and my career trajectory to date successful, I often wondered things like "would I be in management by now if I were white?" or "I thought I did well on this take-home; would I have gotten a call back if I weren't black?"

Ridiculous thoughts, but I think them!

bambax 2 years ago |

Simone Weil: Une très belle femme qui regarde son image au miroir peut très bien croire qu’elle est cela. Une femme laide sait qu’elle n’est pas cela. ("A very beautiful woman who looks at her image in the mirror may very well believe that's what she is. An ugly woman knows it's not.")

hdjjhhvvhga 2 years ago | |

Moreover, these differences tend to disappear with age, so being attached to one's looks is like making preparations for a big disappointment.

hackeraccount 2 years ago | |

Vanity always provokes a strange mixture of disgust and pity in people but vanity over appearance is the saddest kind of all; it's the cherry blossom of folly but brings out sympathy because of that.

fragmede 2 years ago | |

ugly on the inside, or outside?

Simulacra 2 years ago |

In my humble opinion, I think that rejection builds resentment which can lead to feelings of retribution, but it can also lead to hope and perseverance to do better for others.

zabzonk 2 years ago |

is this really HN stuff?

jacknobody 2 years ago | |

Yeah I wouldn't have thought it to be HN stuff either, but it takes guts to write like that and everybody needs guts but few have it.

It might also seem to me a little churlish, to complain toooo much ...

hdjjhhvvhga 2 years ago | | |

Moreover, it can help to get the message across to attractive women who don't care that much about feminism and help them to ask deeper questions.

bambax 2 years ago | |

"HN stuff" is what HN users upvote and find interesting.

fragmede 2 years ago | | |

wait but HN users are only supposed to upvote, like, esoteric programming languages and stuff. am I supposed to have well-rounded options of other stuff as well? that sounds hard. let's go coding.

zabzonk 2 years ago | | |

motives for upvoting here have always been an opaque mystery to me.

bombcar 2 years ago | | |

Personally I upvote things that I clicked, read, and deemed worthy of reading. Could be almost anything.

boneitis 2 years ago | | |

I thought this too, re: "worthy of reading" and, as I feel it, respect of my time (not to make an assumption about how you received the article).

I really appreciated the effort that was obviously put into choosing her words.

hdjjhhvvhga 2 years ago | | |

same to me but this is why I discover something interesting here, again and again

adr1an 2 years ago |

no is a necessary magic

no draws a circle around you with chalk and says I have given enought

- boundaries