Ask HN: How to build a network without it taking over your social life?

6 points by sdevlimbo 2 years ago | 9 comments

Especially if you don't do a lot of socializing to begin with. I am single, I have only a few friends that I talk to regularly and I am happy with that. I don't want to live for my career, and don't care about company social events or other events for professionals. I want to have a good, steady career without increasing my social activity for work as I get older.

Maybe it's because I don't talk to many friends and family to begin with, but with the typical networking advice it feels too easy for my social activities to blow up considerably and I'm not trying to do that.

swatcoder 2 years ago |

> feels too easy for my social activities to blow up considerably and I'm not trying to do that

Slow down for a second. What do you mean by this?

Do you not feel like you have agency over how much time you invest in networking?

It reads like you think that you’ll somehow get swept away (by what?) if you even dip a toe in to it, and that you won’t be able to safely assert your own boundaries once it gets going.

Is that really how you feel? If so, are you sure it’s something that happens?

A lot of people who might say something like that are actually just kinda nervous about doing something they’re not accustomed to and so invent sketchy rationalizations to cover for it. Maybe that’s not you, but it sounds like it could be.

tacostakohashi 2 years ago |

> don't care about company social events or other events for professionals

It's really worth socializing at least a little bit with everyone and anyone - just get to know their name... and slowly what they do on the weekend, if they have a partner/kids, etc., just for chit chat. It can be a few minutes at a time, water cooler type stuff.

You don't have to go out to lunch / drinks with people or get to know them deeply, but it really pays to not just sit at your desk and ignore everyone except for your manager/immediate coworkers.

mooreds 2 years ago |

A few options.

* Keep in touch with past colleagues. Use linkedin. Congratulate them when they post something. This will take a few years.

* Go to 1 meetup/month. Talk to people there, but don't make plans outside of the meetup. This will take a few months.

* Write something regularly. Create a newsletter from it. This will take a few months to years.

* Post to HN anonymously. Keep making insightful comments. This will take a few weeks to months, depending on your level of insight.

All of these will grow your professional network without excess social activity.

sys_prog 2 years ago | |

I find it hard to believe people meet trough hn comments. How many times did it happen to you?

mooreds 2 years ago | | |

I have only met a few people IRL via HN, but have definitely built my network through it. That is to say I've built connection with people that I either met on HN and then connect with elsewhere online, or met them in real life. In one case I interacted with someone on HN, then helped them get a job, and then later they wrote something for my company, then we have interacted several times on LinkedIn.

Maybe I misread your comment, but I don't think that meeting someone in person is required to build a network.

datadrivenangel 2 years ago | | |

Judging from their profile and posting history, I suspect a lot.

quickthrower2 2 years ago |

Build that network in PRs and Discords? If the idea is to find out about job opportunities this can be a good way.

sys_prog 2 years ago | |

How to find those Discords?

quickthrower2 2 years ago | | |

I come across them all the time. Get into something and you just stumble in them. Maybe in Git repos, landing pages, under youtube videos etc. Hard to come up with a formula. What are you into? You can even just search for Keyword Discord and find them.