Ask HN: Is it weird to have no personal relationships with colleagues?

4 points by jauhuncocrs 2 years ago | 4 comments

I've been working as a software engineer for 10 years. Since 2021 it's been in fully-remote setup, in this time I've changed 2 positions (currently in the 2nd one). I was working on previous position for 2 years and never met any colleagues irl, nor build any personal relationships.

On my current position it's more or less the same. I communicate work-related things on daily basis, attend meetings, sometimes do a little bit of small-talk, but otherwise, I have no idea about personal lives of my colleagues, nor do they about mine.

The thing is, I don't regret it at all. I honestly don't care about their personal lives and what they do in their free time. I guess my need for interpersonal contact is saturated with the family and friends out of the work.Recently I was discussing this with my friend (who is also a software engineer) and he said, that it sounds quite weird for him (he never worked remotely except for the worst times during COVID pandemic).

So lately I've been thinking about this, maybe the reason is that I was contributing to OSS for quite some time, so it's not strange at all to work on software with strangers.

What's your perspective on this?

SuperNinKenDo 2 years ago |

Seems totally normal to me. In the past people would have come into work with this attitude predominantly I think. Work is a place you work to have money to live your life. For better or worse that norm changed a bit, but I think more and more people seek it out as they get tired of all the meaningless, only semi-voluntary socialising they have to do for work.

If you're in a place that allows this kind of interaction, then I'd say cherish it. It's far from the only one, but lots of places now try to pretend like everybody needs to be bestest buddies and want to spend even more of their precious lives in each other's company.

JohnFen 2 years ago |

I don't think it's weird at all -- but then, I've been the same way for several decades. My colleagues are not my friends (nor should they be) and I don't interact with them as I interact with my friends. This includes not talking with them much about about what happens in my life outside of work.

jjgreen 2 years ago |

I've worked in places where I've made lifelong friends, and places where not. Luck of the draw really, nice when it happens, not really a problem if it doesn't.

gjvc 2 years ago |

Completely normal. Don't let their personal lives take up space in your head.