I find this useful on myself and with others. It gives an approach when someone (or my own mind) says, "None of this is my fault, so I shouldn't have to change."

From the article:

> In effect, our client is operating from a justice model... pleading their case before a court, [so] the party ultimately found guilty will... change.

> The challenge is that [life] is not a courtroom... the guilty party is usually neither present nor inclined to alter their behavior... [and so] the client will remain helpless.

I sometimes only use the first few steps, and have found them useful when acting as a friend, manager, or colleague.