Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

7 points by callwhendone 1 year ago | 17 comments

I'm going on the assumption that most people here are more intelligent than the norm, with some of you being on far-right side of the curve. How do you deal with so many people in your day to day life being less intelligent?

I'm not looking for answers like "open-mindedness." I'm looking for real answers, because let's be honest, most people are pretty dumb. Most of the things people say aren't really worth thinking about, but we still have to listen to it all day in and day out. We can't be argumentative, because they won't understand the arguments and, if we do, it causes unnecessary turmoil. We have to listen, though, because it's the human thing to do.

As an example, my wife says things that are patently false regularly and there is no convincing her otherwise and trying to just causes a fight. I deal with the same thing with friends but it's easy to ignore because it's not constant.

It becomes tiring. Like putting on a facade everyday, ignoring all the things wrong that everyone is saying and just going through the motions with them not to upset the "balance."

I don't know guys, just a quick rant from me, I guess. I'm tired of listening to other people say dumb things constantly and seeing those dumb things translate into dumb actions.

smt88 1 year ago |

I used to think exactly like this. I'll tell you what helped me.

1. Remember that you also say or believe wrong things quite often. Do people regularly get upset about it and call you out? Or do they give you grace because they care about you whether you're factually right or wrong? You'll be much happier if you learn some intellectual humility. Even the smartest people aren't right all the time (or even 90% of it).

2. Go to therapy. Learn how to practice intellectual flexibility, graciousness, and humility. Find out if you might have OCPD or be on the autism spectrum (not saying you come across that way, but it's worth discussing). It sounds like you, your wife, or both would be miserable with you constantly looking down on her and being irritated. She certainly deserves better than that.

3. Ask yourself whether you'd rather be right all the time or you'd rather have healthy, fulfilling relationships. You generally can't have both.

I am (much) smarter than the average person and almost never feel the urge to call someone stupid anymore or correct them when they're wrong. Most people are much smarter than you think because you're judging them on a scale you've put yourself at the top of.

any_throw777 1 year ago | |

I'm also much smarter than average, and it used to bother me.

I agree with your call to patience. In some way, we can see intelligence, and general wisdom as two axis.

Beyond patience, consider working on your compassion. You could try meditation, walks and any number of strategies, but foremost, you need to consider all those around us as worthwhile, regardless of their skills, intelligence, wisdom or anything else.

It is up to you to see beyond the superficial, and work your gifts for the benefit of those around you. If you mix your intelligence with compassion, you should be able to make others come to your view.

callwhendone 1 year ago | |

>OCPD

I do have this.

You're right though, the answer is patience.

smt88 1 year ago | | |

This is going to be hard to believe, but something that really helped me understand the diversity of what being "right" means is listening to old episodes of This American Life.

There are lots of stories about a normal person in an unusual situation who ends up behaving "strangely" or making decisions it's hard to understand, or there are stories about people in very normal situations who are just very unusual people.

Either way, you learn that everything is a shade of gray and certainty is the most likely way that someone can be wrong.

zero-sharp 1 year ago |

Please provide some specific examples.

I would consider myself fairly critical and I don't have your problem. Mostly because I can understand different needs, interests, and contexts. For example, I usually don't hold small talk to the same standard as technical discussions. If a friend or SO says something I perceive as "patently false", does it bother me? Depends on the context of the discussion. I allow people to express themselves. Is that open mindedness? Not really.

Most people, or at least the ones I interact with, really aren't as unintelligent as you describe in this post.

callwhendone 1 year ago | |

I would say some regular culprits are viral internet memes that say something crazy. My SO and I are ideologically aligned, for the most part, so are both right-wing. I don't know if you spend time in right-wing internet silos but there are a lot of [redacted] memes that go around claiming something wild that are almost always false. Maybe it's the same on the left, I have no idea.

Used to, I would explain what's going on, which I'm fine with. At a certain point, she became tired of the explaining and decided that I "never agree with her." So, now I have to ignore them, because I'd rather not fight about it.

JohnFen 1 year ago |

I don't really understand the problem. First, I think it's risky to even begin to evaluate whether the people you interact with are more or less intelligent than you. Intelligence is context-dependent. Most of the people you think of as less intelligent probably have a context where they're smarter than you.

"Don't compare yourself to others, for it will make you both vain and bitter; there will always be someone worse, and always be someone better."

Second, what does it matter? When people say things to me that I consider dumb (that can happen both from people less intelligent than me and more intelligent than me), it's rare that I actually need to correct them. Get a sense of when it matters and when it doesn't, and if it doesn't then just let it go.

reify 1 year ago |

I am not so judgemental to assume that I am more intelligent than other people.

I may have a masters degree in Psychotherapy and an IQ of 126 but I consider all human beings equally intelligent.

I can talk psychotherapy all day long and appear to be intelligent but I am not.

I consider my intelligence to be solely attributed to the amount of books I have read and that goes for all professions.

The average man uses 1500 words to tranverse life, that is all he needs. We all learn another 1500 words that are directly associated with our individual professions.

Just because I know all the names of the psychoanalytic defence mechanisms and the man down the street does not, that does not make me more intelligent that him.

He for instance maybe a gardener and be able to name every tree in the UK whereas I could not.

Intelligence is not just about how much brain power we appear to have.

I consider a simple footballer to be intelligent becauase of his spacial awareness, hand to eye coordination and athletic skills etc. He may not have a degree but he sure is intelligent.

It is easy to stroke our own ego's when we were fortuante enough to be able to study to a higher educational level. Thats all it is, ego stroking!

mtreis86 1 year ago |

"Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't." ― Bill Nye

callwhendone 1 year ago | |

While knowledge is part of it, understanding is also a large factor. Having to explain things again and again and them not understanding what you're saying.

bell-cot 1 year ago |

First issue - outside of "my IQ is..." bragging rights, intelligence is multi-dimensional. If not fractal. The IQ-ish dimensions are usually overrated - especially by folks for whom that's their strong suit, and by the young. Vs. the emotional maturity, big pictures, and wisdom-ish dimensions are really seldom understood, let alone mastered, until your later years.

There are some old proverbs about the wisdom and (un-)benefits of winning arguments with your wife. Beyond your need to be right about things, how much skin do you & yours have in the game on things that she's "wrong" about? If it's "homeopathy would be better than vaccines for our baby"-class stuff, that's probably worth arguing. Vs. she doesn't understand e=mc^2, or believes most politicians are well-intentioned, or knowns that your favorite football team isn't worth watching? Those really aren't worth fighting over.

callwhendone 1 year ago | |

>First issue - outside of "my IQ is..." bragging rights, intelligence is multi-dimensional.

This is the reason I shy away from using the term IQ. I do not believe it's a valid test on the individual level.

>If it's "homeopathy would be better than vaccines for our baby"-class stuff

A lot of it is this level. In fact, homeopathy is a major point of contention.

bell-cot 1 year ago | | |

Does she seem committed to homeopathy when she has "instant" skin in the game? (Say, she needs to have a tooth drilled & filled, and the dentist would permit homeopathic "pain relief".) Or might homeopathy be more of an emotional reaction against being ill-treated (both emotionally and physically) by conventional medical practitioners? For women, even well-to-do white women, the latter is wretchedly common. And if you don't feel yourself an expert on the technical details, then "do not trust those who treat me poorly, when there seem to be nicer alternatives" is, sadly, a pretty reasonable and human strategy...

gx7 1 year ago |

I have a water pistol on my desk. Anyone wasting my time or energy for no great reason gets a squirt.

whateverevetahw 1 year ago |

I've been a musician since I was a kid, so I've always had alternative ways of socializing by being in bands and doing various things that are not intellectual at all.

jarule 1 year ago |

How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

Let us handle that. You go on following our orders.

a3n 1 year ago |

Although I don't know my IQ, and don't care, I'm certain that I'm solidly in the "general population."

This helps me, and it may help you. Virtually nothing you or I say or do matters. It's bullshit, signifying nothing, all the way down.

So just enjoy whatever it is you do.