Ask HN: Ever hit a professional goal but felt surprised by your reaction? Like a lot of us, I think about trying to work for myself, but then I wonder if I'd be happier running marketing AND software dev? Sometimes I think I'd rather be an in-person worker rather than a remote one. I'm interested in hearing some stories of people making big changes and being surprised in both negative and / or positive directions. |
The feelings of meaning pale in comparison to interacting with my young kids throwing carrots at the kitchen table or watching them be amazed with a frog they find.
Life is interesting!
I bounce between these patterns:
* I've nearly starved before, I don't need this
* I really like not worrying about food, maybe I'll grin and dance
I’ve had a co-worker tell me I “live like a poor person.” He doesn’t know exactly what I make, but can assume I make more than him, due to our titles.
I thought once I paid my house off I’d be able to relax a little, but little has changed. I can just now last that much longer on a lower income of something were to happen. I also increased my savings rate, to keep extending that time out. But it’s all fear based. No amount will ever feel like enough.
I love YNAB for this since I can fund future months easily.
Of course, when I eventually got a great job and had to back out of an engagement it was a non-issue for the client. It happens all the time with contractors/consultants... I learned a valuable lesson about what it takes to run a business, and the kinds of businesses I'm suitable for.
If you’re a boss and everyone likes you, then you’re probably doing too much yourself, not doing the right things, or being too easy on everyone.
It’s a one-way path to a miserable life.
Committing to the belief that a) Everyone won’t like me and b) Everyone shouldn’t like me made me much happier as a boss.
> I just couldn't deal with trying to balance my own perfectionism with other people doing the work.
Whenever I interview someone who’s a self-described perfectionist, I love asking them “Tell me about the last thing you did perfectly…” It often leads to, “So you’re a perfectionist and you’re having a hard time finding something you did perfectly…”
I’ve had a few people have a visible A-Ha moment during the discussion. Those are the ones that I like to hire.
Edit: checkmates -> check marks
Anyway, few years passed, I changed jobs a few times, and one day I realized I actually just wanted to be compensated fairly, without my employer taking a large cut (my hourly rate in the beginning used to be way higher than what customers were billed for my work, so I knew it was attainable). Or, to not have to go above and beyond because my employer came up with "great" ideas that crept up into overtime territory "if I wanted to make it". Getting promoted was just a workaround for the actual goal, but it would increase my responsibilities a lot, and I never considered myself as someone made for management position (despite promising feedback). I'm glad it turned out this way.
So, the surprise was that I hit the goal, but realized it was something else all along (or I'm just coping).
I am more social than I’d like to admit, yet I dread all meetings. I guess I’m looking for the water cooler experiences and for me, those just don’t work online.
These days I feel like those conversations have dies down. And I've also realized that I', more social that I'd previously liked to admit. Maybe age also plays a factor here.
I make software projects on the side, and one day I made a decent amount of cash, starting at 0, from a huge surge in users.
Was really cool at first, after getting the cash I was really happy for like a week then I was really miserable.
Not sure why, didn’t like the “popularity” I think, felt very shallow
The lesson? I'm happy being unhappy.
For me, there's no point in setting a professional goal. I just do my work and try to do a good job. On average, I've had a new manager about every 10 months. That's not a lot of time to build up rapport and work whatever angle that person sees s the path to the next level. I've literally gone from teams or managers that say X is a strength and Y is a weakness, to the new team or manager that says Y is a strength and X is a weakness. I've been a dev for over 12 years, and been midlevel for over 10. I've done all the stuff you're supposed to do to move up, not because I set them as goals but because it seemed like the right thing to do - learn new tech, volunteer for new roles and assignments, work extra hours, get a masters (since they pay for it), etc. I've had tech leads ask why I'm taking a demotion when I'm actually taking a lateral, because they already thought I was a senior. I've had our team and other teams in the enterprise calling me the TL because I fill that role for a year when we didn't have one (I did a good job and the manager admitted I deserved the highest rating but they couldn't get me the rating for political reasons... this is one of the 3 examples where a manager has admitted I should have gotten the highest ratingnor been promoted but wasn't).
So yeah, what's the point of a professional goals when the targets change in less than a year, I'm doing what I'm supposed to or doing a good job, and past results don't help with advancement? I guess I should mention that I have a disability and my current department head is targeting me, according to what my manager told me. So maybe that's what's holding me back. But I see no point in setting professional goals - I'd rather just focus on doing a good job. That should be enough, assuming you don't want to hit the C suite.
That said: can't you in part control your destiny by doing whatever it takes to get those people on your side?
Personally, it’s more fun to think that I’m the one in control of my fate so I choose to live that way. And it turns out when I do that, I end up in control of my fate.
It’s crazy how that works.
Many, many people have told me I should leave my job. However, I don’t want to cut my legs out from under me during what should be my best earning years.
I was getting better at not caring so much. Two co-workers dying, leading to a big change of heart in my boss at the time, made the job lower stress. But managements changes have increased the stress and disfunction to the highest level. I suppose the stress of staying is lower than the stress of the unknown.