I cofounded a company and hired a friend who moved across the country. I even went to the mat with another cofounder who questioned whether he was the right fit. Turns out he wasn't. It wasn't his fault. He's very talented, but he duplicated existing skillsets (mine most of all), and the hat we needed him to wear was one that he'd never worn before. And this increased the stress of his job, which only made it even harder for him to be productive.

Fortunately, the other founders agreed to be generous about offering him an exit (in line with Fred's advice), and so when he and I had the conversation it was much easier for his departure to be a mutual decision and we've retained our friendship.

I would never go into a conversation like this unprepared and rely on the assumption it will be easy or mutual. And I haven't had to do this often enough to know if this was a rare outcome. But if you look at it from both sides and are willing to be generous with the solution, then it is possible that sometimes the "mutual decision" really is a mutual one.

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Honestly, this seems a bit spineless. Don't describe it as "asking them to leave" if in actuality the employee has no choice. If you're telling them to leave and to not show up for work again, call it what it is, either a 'firing', 'redundancy' or 'letting go'. Anything else is just dishonest.

In my previous career path we eventually faced massive lay-offs/redundancy across the company. New tech had made our jobs practically obsolete and the layoffs represented an opportunity for me to move on to better things, which is fair enough.

However, it always annoyed me how the various communications from Head Office were phrased as 'we deeply regret asking you to leave', when it was so clear that they were delighted to be rid of us, and there was no 'asking' being done at any point.

How can I help someone who's been fired bounce back?

What should someone who's been fired tell potential employers why they're no longer with a previous employer?

I'm trying to help a friend, but I've never gone thru this, so I feel powerless.

Just some perspective: Not sure about the EU in general, but in Greece at least, asking someone to leave the company is synonymous to forcefully making one quit. This arm-twisting has far-reaching implications for the person leaving the company; Namely no unemployment benefits or severance package. I wouldn't want to work for such a company and would actively discourage others to do so.

Just wanted to add some cultural perspective; I am aware the situation in the US (and the author's) is totally different.

Do you talk about the situation? And how much of is it contingent on the circumstances of their leaving (obviously a reference would be out of the question if the firing was for severe misconduct)?

Fred's further advice of getting right to the point and giving them honest, clear reasons is spot on. He's not advocating for bullshitting the employee; he's advocating for not being a dick when there's no reason for it.

Maybe more of a Hobson's choice.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave" seems to be the sort of thing said by bartenders/bouncers when you've been cut off and you're demanding that one last beer. Or by a police officer who presents you with the choice of walking out on your own, or or getting arrested.

"John, due to reasons X and Y you will no longer be employed with this company."

If I had to choose, I'd rather hear something like that.

Also keep in mind that there's a difference between what you might say to the employee, and what you subsequently report to others. Fred talks about how you need to be sensitive to how the news affects others on the team. And so you might have a direct conversation with an employee who warrants firing, but you may prefer to tell other employees, investors, or the public that this person was "asked to leave."

I imagine that if it is their fault and they screwed up, "you're fired" is the appropriate thing to say, and generally pretty instantly.

Getting fired is kind of like having someone you care about die, in that you go through Kübler-Ross stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.

I think the most difficult part for me was a loss of identity. I had associated myself so deeply with the product that we were working on that once I was asked to leave, I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. It may have been particularly significant for me since I had built the product originally, but anyone who cares deeply about their work attaches some portion of their identity to their job.

The key thing to remember is that a job is not a career, and a career is not a life. You had a life and a career before your job, and you'll have a life and a career after. Spend the time off doing things that give you positive energy -- for me, it was reading and biking. Give yourself some time to recover, and you'll be better for it.

As far as what to tell prospective employers, I think transparency is always the best approach. Be honest about why it didn't work out, but don't spend your time talking negatively about the company that fired you. Unless you got fired for embezzling money or something, the root cause was some sort of incompatibility between you and the company you worked for. Just like breaking up with a significant other, there's nothing shameful about it -- if it didn't work out, it didn't work out.

For what it's worth, I personally wouldn't hesitate to hire someone who had been fired (unless it was a clear pattern of extremely negative behavior). A strong will is necessary to do great things, and strong-willed people are often difficult for companies to corral. :)

There is virtually no answer to that question that makes you sound like a better candidate than you were before it was asked. I'd be strongly inclined to say some variant of "It's a tough economy.", which is non-specific, virtually guaranteed to be a contributing factor, and avoids faulting either party.

The canonical answer is some variant of "We weren't a good fit for each other." Then, again, refocus the conversation on how you'll be a great fit with interviewer's company.

The only recommendation is for the person not to give up, start looking right away - if this person is a developer, there are so many opportunities right now that it shouldn't be hard to find a position regardless of your work experience - though depending on your locality it might require moving. For example, New York is booming with tech jobs at the moment.

In some states, the only thing you can do is confirm the employee worked for you during a time range. Saying anything else is actionable by the former employee. It is really important to know the law in your locale.

It is actually safest legally just to say your company policy is to give dates only. If you took legal action against the employee (e.g. theft) then the new employer will find it on a background check. Their failure to do a background check is their fault.

Anything negative at all, and a lot of positive things could be interpreted as partially negative, exposes you to risk if the employee doesn't get the job.

I am not a lawyer.

There are various ways to get around this when getting or giving references.

I think it's quite amusing to see everyone saying the recommended advice is to just confirm dates and title. It is, but only if you're implying that you have nothing positive to say about the employee.

Potential employers call HR to confirm dates and titles. They call former managers/supervisors to confirm other aspects of a potential hire's work history, i.e., to confirm the potential hire's alleged accomplishments while working for your company.

There are laws in most states saying that employers cannot impair a terminated employee's post-employment job hunt. This does not mean you can't talk honestly about the employee to another potential employer if you're asked. It does mean that you can't lie about the employee in a way that harms their job prospects (legally, this includes exaggeration).

Think about it folks: if there were laws saying that you couldn't talk honestly about former employees, no one would ever ask for references, especially not corporate HR departments, because it would be illegal and they would be exposing themselves to serious civil liability. The law usually is logical, if you know what the logic behind a particular law is.