If I could go back, I would save the 60k and just invest it in our home, our retirement, our savings. You don’t need a lavish party to show off, your friends don’t care. You won’t care. Skip it
Earlier in the year, my lady and I were invited to the destination wedding of one of her close relatives, and simply told them no because it would have been a laughably expensive commitment that would have compromised our financial security. I get that people want to feel special or rationalize a big event, but I agree that if your family isn't shitting money or something to the point of making it trivial, it seems like kind of a silly idea.
Well yeah, spending tens of thousands of dollars on one party is insane unless you're royalty or just crazy rich. Everything about a wedding is overpriced and overhyped.
But it's one of those times when rationality is challenged by emotion and expectations that have been moulded throughout childhood.
Congrats on the free beach party wedding. That's a great idea. COVID or not.
It also seemed like she went down a checklist of "What to do in your wedding": the newlywed's funny walkout dance, throwing the bouquet, coastal scenery in the background.
The effect was to smack you over the head with "either her or his family is rich". Maybe that was the intended message?
And possibly relevant: she shared it on LinkedIn.
Or they took out a 60k to 200k loan for a party
It adds yet another piece of pressure so I'm not surprised that less people are jumping head first into it.
What costs are associated with attending a wedding?
What other commenter said, plus covering bachelorette/bachelor parties (groom and bride don’t pay). Wedding gifts. Where I am from and you’re being accommodated- it’s kind of expected (and part of etiquette) to include cash with your gift to try to cover hotel and dining costs for yourself.
This is just an excuse. Nobody ever had financial stability before a wedding in the past. Everyone I know had parents and grandparents that were dirt poor when they got married (including my own).
I've been hearing about financial woes since 2000. I remember in 2005, people were complaining about how impossible it was for a single person to get an apartment. I got one this year on a below-average salary in a nice city.
In 2015, I remember hearing it was impossible to buy a house by anyone that isn't a boomer. I bought a house later this year (I'm not a boomer).
Even now, I keep hearing about people sending 900 resumes out (which doesn't make sense, if you are only looking for jobs in your industry) and only receiving a few call backs. I was looking for extra work earlier in the year and I sent out 20 resumes and got 10 call backs.
People also just love looking at averages for salary and home price, but they ignore that the average home has more than doubled in size. The average car today is also much faster, safer, and more luxurious than the old ones.
I bought a house from the late 1940s. What would have been “average” in the time everyone seems to want to compare themselves to. By most modern standards, it’s small, but it was also half the price of the “average” home today.
In terms of waiting for financial stability, I’d argue that it’s better not to wait. It eliminates all those prenuptial agreements, as neither person has anything. Then they can grow and a couple together. Wait too long, and they enter the relationship with too much that they’re worried about losing, and also more set in their ways.
The obsession with keeping up with the Jones’ has gotten out of control. The Jones’ aren’t just the most well-to-do on the street, now people are trying to compete on lifestyle with the most well-to-do in the country. Just a couple days ago I had someone knock on my door to sell fiber internet and he tried to tell me I need it to keep up with the Jones’. That’s where we’re at. It’s not about what you actually need, it’s what you can brag about. It’s so backward.
Capturing this dynamic is why the BLS has a hard job. If you can't buy a small shabby house in the area where you work and you can't buy a cheap car with no amenities and safety standards from 20 years ago then you're effectively poorer if you wanted that. All new housing construction in my area is giant houses and luxury apartments with no end in sight. According to the builders (because they make deals with the city who want to know why they can't make affordable housing) the economics don't work out otherwise.
Married almost 20 years myself, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, even though we are very happy together. There is just too much risk, most of your outcome is luck. I was lucky, as are others whose marriage lasts until death, but many are not. Date, love, explore, connect, enjoy lengths of a shared timeline together, but don’t get married. It’s a potentially unnecessary property and tax optimization agreement.
(the poly people I know use LLCs to manage shared property ownership and operating agreements, which seems to work without much issue, power of attorney and other legal instruments are available for medical directives, authority, and access between partners)
I bought a much smaller place for over €200k. Both me and my girl (need to) have full time jobs.
There is a big difference between where they started vs where I did. I will never get to where they started from
Gasp surely not baths, however did they live?
> fiber internet and he tried to tell me I need it to keep up with the Jones’
You think the kids today can’t afford houses and families because they’re buying too much fiber internet.. and bragging about it?
You just sound horribly out of touch and given your anecdotes don’t know what poverty or hardship was back in the day or is today.
It’s certainly kinda hard to suddenly downshift into a quality of life they never experienced.
Newish car, nice apartment, frequently eating out, etc all isn’t going to work out on someone with an entry level job.
The difference is their parents were in their late 40s / early 50s, enjoying the benefits of being at peak earning capability with enough time to pay off cars/house, build savings, and be well past all the early expenses one has early in life.
Nobody ever said it was impossible to buy a house in general in any geography with a sufficient salary and ability to service any amount of debt. In the city I live in, the ratio between median income and cost of any home was wildly, comically more favorable for boomers, to the point where if you aren't literally rich already, you need to go become a rare doctor and shack up with an L6+ engineer at booming tech company to pull it off, then maintain that income 'till it's paid off.
If two people want to get married or find it useful, they'll do so regardless, on that point we might agree, but many people in the past just did so because they accidentally got pregnant and might have felt internal or external pressure from family to get married and not abort. My grandparents were broke as hell and got married at their rural community center, that's just what people did then, they weren't about to stretch for something glamorous.
Many people now look at the decisions of their parents during whatever time it was, including with houses, and think "well this is what mom and dad did, and they're both broke and divorced now, so maybe lets not do that this time"
You sound like you live in California. Many that live here voted for the strict regulations on everything and social programs that have no led to insane taxes and minimum home costs of $1,000,000.
This starts to look like socialism where you end up with two economic classes: rich and poor.
"Many people now look at the decisions of their parents during whatever time it was, including with houses, and think "well this is what mom and dad did, and they're both broke and divorced now, so maybe lets not do that this time""
I suppose when two parents make bad life decisions, this is what your model is in life.
I've been married for 15 years myself. Like most things, luck comes to the prepared. When you are dating someone, you can tell within a year or two if you will be compatible in the long term.
Everyone in my friend group has been married for 10 years+ with no hints of divorce. We were all unmarried when we met. I don't think this is luck.
"(the poly people I know use LLCs to manage shared property ownership and operating agreements, which seems to work without much issue, power of attorney and other legal instruments are available for medical directives, authority, and access between partners)"
The poly people I know are always moving from one complete mess to another in terms of mental/emotional states. You aren't recommending marriage, but think a 'poly' relationship is any better?
Small things add up. When you buy the latest phone, best Internet connection, booze, weed, latest video game, and online subscriptions, You certainly can't save for a house. Many of the younger generation are really in an extended state of childhood.
I'm not even close to a boomer, and sacrificed all of these things to save for a house/my future. While I was doing this, friends I knew had the latest phone, went partying every weekend, and spent money on their hobbies.
Guess who can't afford a house now?
"You just sound horribly out of touch and given your anecdotes don’t know what poverty or hardship was back in the day or is today."
It sounds like you don't either.