Ask HN: Selling one's self

7 points by it_is_beautiful 169 days ago | 6 comments

I'm having a hard time.

I lack the skills to sell myself.

I have a hard time communicating, even this post. It feels like I'm looking through 100x zoom, I can't find a clarity of message. I used to sit to write résumés for hours and hours, to come up with nothing of value.

Lack of schooling and lack of real-world experience contributed. I didn't get interviews, and when I did, they weren't impressed. Mia culpa.

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While others worked publicly and sent out hundreds of résumés, I worked privately and sent nothing for years. Years!

Now I'm trying to be practical and freelance, which I've tried twice before. There are a lot of jobs that I have the skills for easily, but when I try to write my profile, or my past projects, I spin out endlessly.

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Concretely, although I don't have any major projects shipped, I do have a lot of previous software with relevant problems I solved. I can show the problem, the code, and the results. For example, extraction from a PDF -> Script -> SQLite database. I don't have to say:

"This was part of an unfinished project I did, blah blah blah."

I can just show it and say I worked on it. Whether contracted or my own code, it does what it does, and as I'm contracted for jobs, I can show those results too (if the client is ok with it.

But I just. Can't. Get. Moving.

It's been so many years. It's like an asymptote, I can't break through it. I just need to break through it once, get some momentum. For this concrete (freelancing) problem, any advice?

verdverm 169 days ago |

Resumes and freelance profiles are not sales in the traditional sense. If you want to do better in freelance, you'll want to reframe how you think about it.

Putting that aside, I highly recommend the book "To Sell Is Human" that reframes "sales" as something more, i.e. convincing a child they need to brush their teeth before bed is also "sales"

It was one of the books that helped me through this, The Challenger Sale if you want to read something more akin to traditional sales.

Another avenue you should consider is getting a professional resume / career coach. A good one will ask you questions about what you want in a job before looking at what you've written. They bring experience and have seen 1000s of resumes to know what works, and are tuned into how that changes over time.

> But I just. Can't. Get. Moving.

Another book recommendation, "The Now Habit"

books are going to be much better than what you read online

1. they get you away from the portal to that anxiety

2. they are long, thorough, well thought out, with many examples/anecdotes for you to potentially connect the dots through

it_is_beautiful 168 days ago | |

Thanks for the suggestions, I'll check them out.

> I highly recommend the book "To Sell Is Human" that reframes "sales" as something more, i.e. convincing a child they need to brush their teeth before bed is also "sales"

It sounds like there might be some overlap with my favourite book, Never Split the Difference (:s/sales/negotation). Quote:

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Life is negotiation. The majority of the interactions we have at work and at home are negotiations that boil down to the expression of a simple, animalistic urge: I want.

“I want you to free the hostages,” is a very relevant one to this book, of course. But so is:

“I want you to accept that $1 million contract.”

“I want to pay $20,000 for that car.”

“I want you to give me a 10 percent raise.” and

“I want you to go to sleep at 9 p.m.”

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> Another book recommendation, "The Now Habit"

I've heard of this one, and tried a few systems. Right now I'm reading Getting Things Done, and I really like it so far. It emphasizes simplicity and developing a system you can trust so you have less running around wild in your brain.

I think my two big problems are:

1. Lack of writing experience generally; and

2. It's hard to explain, but I'm very much stuck in my own head. I do put myself out there, in personal life and professionally, but I tend to have this sickly feeling that grows until I delete my public profiles (professionally) and let most relationships go (personally). I guess I'm "Prone to isolation". This is a big problem in life, but I know I can't just easily solve it, I need to solve it by taking action in my life, like trying to work in my field. I can't wait until I'm perfect to start living and taking action, it's the action itself that will change things. But emotionally, I'm so twisted up that it's hard to get anywhere at all.

verdverm 167 days ago | | |

GTD is a system, The Now Habit is a mentality or mindset, not a system

I've actually never finished TNH because I'm back to doing things and having fun

skx001 169 days ago |

Start with this while I come up with a thoughtful comment of my own.

https://www.swyx.io/marketing-yourself

it_is_beautiful 168 days ago | |

Thanks, this is really practical advice. The consistency is difficult; for reasons not (fully) understood to me, I often isolate myself after a mounting internal pressure, described in this comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46139449

Don't feel you have to add anything more, but if you have advice not covered in the article, I would love to hear what you have to say.

throaweyprimy 167 days ago |

It sounds like you’re going through the motions and know what you need to do to achieve your goal, so what’s holding you back…?

As I type this out, it’s cathartic. I also know the work that needs to be done, can do it precisely and expertly, with sales/productivity knowledge in pocket; but, I’m still can’t get myself to start. I know it’s important.

The reality is that I’m afraid. Fearful it won’t work out. That I’ll get a “no” again. After pouring my heart and soul into something only to be rejected leaves some scar tissue. Or, I could put in one tenth of the effort because I think it’s hopeless. So the easier route for me is not thinking about it, and replying to a stranger on the internet.

That’s self-sabotage: unproductive, and hurtful and it fuels this cycle of self-hate. Instead, I’m trying to be more kind to myself and give myself the grace of that of a friend.

For one, it’s comforting that I’m in good company. Marcus Aurelius, the emperor of Rome, had this problem a thousand years ago.

“If you do the job in a principled way, with diligence, energy, and patience, if you keep yourself free from distractions, and keep the spirit inside you undamaged, as if you might have to give it back and any moment—

If you can embrace this without fear or expectation—can find fulfillment in what you’re doing now, as Nature intended, and in superhuman truthfulness—then your life will be happy. No one can prevent that.” - Meditations, Book 3

Why would he write this, if not to remind himself?

Good luck