(This is not a problem-solving rant this is a I need to release my thoughts cuz no one in my life understands rant)

Not sure where else to turn to but I'm extremely embarrassed to say we're nearing the 1 year anniversary of my Feb graduation (*course 6*) and I'm still unemployed, to the dismay of me and my family. I've applied to hundreds of jobs, tailored my resume with tech folks who regularly hire, tailored cover letters, gotten referrals, spoken to relevant connections in my network, done really well in interviews, all to no avail. The feedback I've received from asking employers who rejected me is never something wrong about me, just that they found someone else with pre-existing experience in that particular industry or tech stack. How am I supposed to compete with that at an entry level? And the longer I go without work, the worse it gets in the eyes of employers. I have two internships from back in undergrad as my "work experience" but that's it, one at a known company and one at a startup. My personal projects were not super intensive unfortunately, but I'm not sure how much that's affecting me at this point. Given the way things are going in the world, I remove certain tech sectors from consideration, but I really don't think that should be a handicap.

I knew the job market was bad going into it, but recently, I've genuinely fallen into depression. It feels like I was sold this lie that the MIT name would open doors previously inaccessible to me, but nothing seems to be helping me land a job. Sucks more when I run into old friends who can't even hide their shock that I'm still unemployed. So I have to pretend this is just a gap year and all part of the plan. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I might never work in industry as a *software engineer or in tech*, and that sucks! Maybe it's already time for a career change, I don't know to what. I never felt too good about myself at MIT compared to others and so this all feels like proof that I'm not skilled enough to work in my chosen field.

I can't even do my hobbies with all this free time because I spend a lot of it applying to jobs, doomscrolling, and sulking. I am really grateful that I was able to move back home with my parents. I think they were happy to have me back for a bit. But now I'm starting to feel like a drag and burden, especially as the *middle child sister* who’s just… there. I feel like a firework that exploded in bursts of color (everyone ooed and ah-ed), and then... nothing. I'm considering starting some volunteer/side projects, but persistently, in the back of my mind, is this voice telling me I'm worthless because I can't make any money. I am a failure.