Self-help has never helped anyone. If it did, there wouldn’t be a massive industry waiting to prey on the people who are desperate for help.
During time of war and uncertainty, self help takes on the form of Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
We are conditioned beings, we respond to the macro environment and dynamics.
>I hate to inform you, but this doesn’t work. I’m also thrilled to inform you that this doesn’t work. You can stop picking up a lot of boulders.
Really reminds me of Oliver Burkeman. Take https://www.oliverburkeman.com/never for a start:
I might be stuck with certain inner disturbances forever [...] It turns out my really big problem was thinking I might one day get rid of all my problems, when the truth is that there's no escaping the mucky, malodorous compost-heap of this reality. Which is OK, actually. Compost is the stuff that helps things grow.
Ferris is a self-help book author, and while I kinda get where he's driving at, it also feels like he's just doing the same thing again, but meta - overconsumption of self-help book is like a dog chasing its tail (or a snake giving himself a BJ?), here's a solution. I'm somewhat surprised it's just an affiliate link blogpost instead of a whole book.
Tim Ferriss has always been good at identifying the next trends in the self-help space and positioning himself as an expert for trending themes. I think he might be acknowledging that self-help markets are saturated with all of the life extension influencers trying to one up each other with their protocols and supplement stacks.
This might be a trial balloon to see if this topic has legs for another book or product.
In my self-help journey I came across meditation which ultimately led me to altruistic-based practices. So can't relate.
> A focus on improving the self usually first requires finding problems with the self
Oh I got in there the other way around. I wanted a few things out of life socially speaking but society was blocking me somehow. So I went out to investigate why that is and then studied it all and then solved my own problem. In order to do that, I had to improve myself as I wasn't connecting well with the world. I'm much happier with how I do that nowadays.
I think it's worth it to be ok with everyone being a little bit in the same boat of wanting to self-help, then becoming enamored with buddhist ideas, then grappling with everyday being just another human. In whatever order.
I'm sure you mean well but just kinda irked me that you immediately put in the effort to "nope can't relate"
I see time and time again that posts insinuate that there's no other point of view, and I think that highlighting one perspective is enough to show that this (as in the article) isn't some mathematically perfect piece of advice.
In part that's because I see the message of the post way too often and I haven't seen my message around that much. It's just to counterbalance it. I don't think the message of the post is wrong per se, but to me it comes across as such a strong statement of "this is how it is" that I want to say equally strong back (as one vote of the general public) "nope, can't relate, here is briefly why"
Frankly, even superior. Too many people frame own feelings and individual experiences and general universal or even rational truths.
so, the self help didn't help and he passed the problem on his readers. Great!
And I have learnt a ton of lessons from self help books like the one I mentioned above, Arete, "how to make friends and influence people", Atomic Habits and others, without looking to fix any unhappiness, flaws of myself or whatnot. Was just curious what other, more experience people have learned about life that I can learn without having to wait 20-30+ years.
That value likely will decrease with age and experience, but is still nice to consciously acknowledge and even reflect on, again after the lessons have been absorbed in whatever ways they have been absorbed, adjusted, or rejected.
Wherever you go, there you are. :)
In Tibetan Buddhism, there is a lojong slogan: "Self-liberate even the antidote". It refers to exactly this -- the practices we use to get away from bad habits may themselves become bad habits. Rather than embarking on an infinitely recursive run of trying to stop self-improving, just don't be black-and-white about things.
One source (of many): https://medium.com/kaitlynschatch/lojong-practice-journal-se...
I don't say 'self acceptance' because that's often described as a necessary precursor to changing whatever we find difficult to accept about ourselves.
Good point! I wish I wrote that, haha.
love it.
existing
It’s the relationships, stupid
Maybe I have to climb Maslow’s pyramid to be compatible with those?
Everybody is adventurous; each in their own way. You can invite people to your personal adventure, and be part of theirs, for as long or short as it serves the both of you.
Everybody is adventurous; each in their own way.
Me: "Let's fly to Paris tomorrow!"
People: "Nah, I'm fine just doing what I did the last 3650 days. I wonder how I deal with this issue I have with my boss at work. That is enough adventure for me."
Me: "Trash the job! Let's start a startup!"
People: "Nah, that is not for me. The benefit-to-work ratio at my current job is just too good."
Ever since I read it, I’ve been more aware of when I am fixated on I and me.
It’s amazing. You can be completely “right” about a situation, yet still be fixated about the self. Escaping the box - terminology from the book - doesn’t change what’s real, but absolutely changes how you feel, and how your situation progresses.
Whether it is self help or blame or resentment, they are all in the box activities. There is another world- a better world.
My waking call was, ironically, another management book "The Management Myth" by Matthew Steward (I think), which just showed me the ridiculousness of it all.
And I read it probably closer to two decades ago.
I liken it to jiujitsu in a way. When I first started and knew nothing, I needed a lot of instruction and of course then practice. After years of that, I can now take a simple tweak to something I've been doing for years and suddenly it's much more effective. Finding those tweaks is the challenge, while also avoiding chasing silver bullets or bouncing to new thing after new thing and never getting good at something.
In Africa there is the concept of Ubuntu "I am because we are". Identity and personhood arises within community, rather than being constructed indivudually.
I think we need to differentiate between self-help in the modern sense, and viewing the self as a continuous process of engaging in meaningful activities, within community, with purpose that helps cultivate virtue. i.e "Becoming"
When self-help is treated as only individual optimisation, without any ultimate end it risk becoming self-referential.
Philosopher Charles Taylor describes a similar shift with modernity that he calls "Disengaged reason" [0]. Where reason is disconnected from moral frameworks, that once helped orient us.
The deeper issue may be Self-help/Improvement that is often not contained within these larger frameworks of meaning, that answer:
To what ultimate end?
[0] https://www.academia.edu/26548899/Disciplinarity_and_Islamic...
previously discussed here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46743214
also here:
https://www.linkedin.com/posts/ismaildhorat_a-new-world-does...
I'm happy that he has gone beyond the "book / author of the week" format and this blog post is most welcomed.
Relationships are crucial, especially ones that help elevate yourself or, at least, keep you on a stable level instead of dragging you down.
> It was never the pyramid.
> It was never the optimization.
> It was the people around the fire.
On this post he says "it was the people around the fire", in other posts you have to find happiness in yourself and not depend on others for your happiness.
People seem to lose all their common sense as soon as somebody trots out easy-sounding-without-effort-for-the-price-of-a-book soothing advice to solve all their problems.
Meanwhile the real "self-help" exists in plain sight in the domains of Philosophy and Psychology coupled with an understanding of Neuroscience/Biology.
People should checkout Hindu Philosophies of Samkhya and Yoga, Buddhist Philosophies of Japanese Zen and Tibetan Lojong, Greek/Roman Stoic Philosophies of Epictetus, Seneca, Cicero, Marcus Aurelius.
On the Psychology side checkout Self-Determination Theory, Applied Behavioural Analysis and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
On the Neuroscience/Biology front checkout the importance of circadian rhythms/diet/exercise/sleep along with needed essential minerals/vitamins/etc.
That will give you all the information you need to devise your own workable self-help regimen.
A critical footnote got lost in the shuffle. In his later writings, especially notes compiled in The Farther Reaches of Human Nature from 1971, Maslow added a sixth level above self-actualization:
Self-transcendence
It means going beyond the self—seeking connection with something greater, such as service to others, nature, art, or the divine.
Why is it important? Well, for one thing, as Tony Robbins put it at an event long ago: “‘I, I, I, me, me, me’ gets to be a really fucking boring song.” But it’s not just a boring song; it’s dangerous to your health. Self-help [can be] dangerous precisely because it easily becomes self-fixation.
"It was cold out, but none of us were cold."
"In that moment, there was nothing to do. Nothing to improve. Nothing to fix. It was perfect."
"We’ve all seen it. Clear as day, you can see the goal post at the top: self-actualization. LFG! It’s time to journal and 80/20 myself! Pass me a shaman and some modafinil. That’s the mission. That’s the point. Right? But hold on."
"Because at the end of the day—and at the end of a Montana night—the point was never yourself. It was never the pyramid. It was never the optimization. It was the people around the fire."
very different from actually good writing, as in literature. art.
Nothing against Mr. Ferris, just very clearly happen to come across these "i'm trying really hard at good writing" styles in influencer type blogs.
I am not suggesting that this isn't his writing.
What I was wondering was whether these are the elements of style that LLMs have picked up.
From what i gather, openAi particular flavor of response is from reinforcement learning, these PMs are intentionally gamifying it. just today literally every reply was followed with "… want me to show you the one trick you can implement to avoid…"
was gross.
and then goes on to superior-ily talk about selflessness.
When you frame "talking about own feeling and experiences as arrogamt, because it does not pretend generality, you are being wrong. Nothing in what I said implies superiority complex or arrogance.
And frankly, your twist is fairly manipulative sleazy bullshit.
“NO is always a YES to something else.” - Marshall Rosenberg
None of those adventures involve pyramids or startups, but a lot of courage, energy, and dragons.
I wonder how much you know about what people consider their own adventures, and how many they have had to face. Like divorce. Or sudden loss of job. Real world stuff.
But I also think it is worthwhile to look for other adventurous people with whom I can share my own interests.