Ask HN: My father died and I need to find my path

9 points by c4kar 50 days ago | 14 comments

It's been 38 days and 6 hours since my father passed away. I was let go from my internship during the last month we spent at the hospital. I went to the hospital in tears and poured my heart out to my father. He told me something I can still hear ringing in my ears: "If, when I took the university entrance exam, I had the opportunity to get into the best university in the country, believe me, I would study day and night to get in. I'd find some way, study hard, and get in. Your profession matters so much. Having a good profession is crucial for your family's comfort and future." Those words became a pearl earring in my ear. After saying this, he kept giving me advice to pull me away from the uncertain path I was on.

And now he's gone. For the past two years, I've been studying electrical and electronics engineering in my country (Turkey), and this semester I noticed that my interest in computer engineering has surpassed everything else. So I've decided to transfer, and with God's permission, I'll be switching to computer engineering next year — but I still don't know how I should navigate this field. I don't know which technologies I should learn. There are times when I even wonder whether I should switch at all. My fears have started to grow that by the time I graduate, AI will have replaced everyone. [1]

If my father were here, I'd ask him. He'd find the best path for me, and I'd trust that it was truly the best. But he's not here anymore, and I'm alone. Along with my family, we're carrying on with our lives.

This summer, my father was going to find me an internship — that's what I kept telling myself. I had no worries at all back then, but right now I feel like I'm drifting in a void, and I need someone to show me a path. I thought maybe someone on this forum could point me in a direction. My father's words keep echoing in my ears, and I want to have a good profession, just like he said. Maybe you can help me.

[1] https://ai-2040.com/?choices=plan-a-root#playbook-insider-pov

Text was translated from Turkish with GLM-5.2

andsoitis 50 days ago |

> If my father were here, I'd ask him. He'd find the best path for me, and I'd trust that it was truly the best.

you have to find your own path because YOU are responsible for your own life.

c4kar 48 days ago | |

Yes, you are absolutely right but it's really hard when you are 21 years old and your father is the literately most wise person you know in whole city.

tolerance 50 days ago |

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.

Brother you know about as good as I know that whatever is intended for you to achieve and earn in this life is wholly independent of you or myself or anyone else and Who that Power belongs to.

Be thankful for having a father who set you off in the direction that you hoped was best for your professional future. I'm confident in you that you've taken the time to sit and think about where you truly want to go next. What if you aren't indecisive? What if you know exactly what you want to do and where you want to be next? Whatever the outcome is it can only be to your advantage as long as you want to believe that is the case!

c4kar 48 days ago | |

Brother, you know what? I actually have absolutely no fear about the future. Wallahi i don't. I firmly believe that if Allah has taken something from our hands, He surely has the power to provide for us in return.

But still, when it comes to my family -who are a sacred trust left to me by my father- I feel the heavy responsibility of needing to choose the best possible profession. I feel deeply obligated to work hard and provide for them. And of course, since we are human and have our own nafs, a profession that merely puts food on the table just doesn't feel like enough... unfortunately

tolerance 48 days ago | | |

I think you will be fine. Allah willing. It sounds like you have good intentions at heart. I hope that if you follow it you can find a balance between what's best for you and your family and the type of work that you desire for yourself.

May Allah make this all easy for you. Ameen.

gus_massa 50 days ago |

Sorry for your loss.

It's hard to know what to say, because each person is different. I hope this old link helps a little https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27323430 (263 points | May 2021 | 95 comments)

In particular there is a link to "The wave": https://old.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend...

And "The Box": https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27325968

I also like https://www.astralcodexten.com/p/idol-words that is a fun story with a interesting discussion about death in the middle.

---

Back to your question: Too many career changes are bad, but no change may be bad too. I think the AI doom scenario is exaggerated, there will still be plenty of task to translate human level requirements to computer level implementation, nobody is writing assembler now but there is stil plenty of work. But nobody can be sure about the future.

How easy is to transfer there? How many courses do you keep/lose? Is there some subbranch of the degree that share more curses?

[Hi from Argentina! Transferring here is easy, but my guess it that in a similar situation here you would lose like 1 year. Probably a good trade-off if you really want to change and your family can sustain the cost. Sometimes a mandatory course for a degree in an elective course for another so it reduces the delay.]

c4kar 49 days ago | |

Thank you for your support and links.

To answer your question just like in Argentina, it's quite easy to transfer here in Turkey too. I'll basically lose a year. To be honest though, this whole year was spent at the hospital and home basically so I ended up failing most of my classes anyway. I just tried to focus on the courses that are common with compsci so I could transfer those credits over. So yeah, I am okay with losing a year under the circumstances

enragebait 50 days ago |

Your difficulty may be rooted in psychology.

Many do not like discussing “psychological temperaments” because they are not “scientific enough”, though you yourself are of a culture who can recognize that even science does not adequately explain everything.

By standards of psychological temperament, it would seem that your father was “introspective” and you are “extrospective”. In brief, those who are “introspective” live life referring to a map within themselves, and those who are extrospective look to external signs for their bearings. As we are social creatures, it is not unusual for ourselves (and our families) to have mixtures of psychological temperaments as they complement and cover for one and other.

You should not be too worried about getting the right technology or specific focus. You should worry about being competent and diligent. Keep yourself organized, follow through, don’t give up even if you aren’t sure. Especially if you aren’t sure. Check the market, look for the statistical average and also the leading edge. Focusing on the average is job security, focusing on the edge is a bit more exciting and specialized, if you are an overachiever. If you’re not an overachiever don’t try to be! You will likely only be discouraged and fail.

I suspect electrical engineering will be much more in wide demand in the future than computer engineering. You could focus on something combining both, like telecommunications or satellite or data centers infrastructure as these are combined disciplines which are growing in demand.

Being thorough, well organized, and driven to completion will be the successful trait no matter what you do. FOMO is a trap for young minds. Competence and capable will be the most desired skill whichever technology used.

Good luck!

thorin 48 days ago |

My father worked in signals, first in the armed forces and then railway signals and telephone lines for his whole life. When I was young I was interested in Electronics, but not too great with them. I did study a degree in Electrical and Electronic Engineering but preferred the computer parts of the course and have since then been working in IT for nearly 30 years. I can understand how your fathers advice is important, but you also need to do something you can enjoy and succeed at.

I would say with your background don't worry too much about which technologies to learn. Things are changing fast so try and instead develop an engineering mindset, which will serve you well whatever you do.

He will guide you, but you also need to make your own path. Good luck in your journey.

NotParth11 48 days ago |

i am sorry for your loss

k310 50 days ago |

My father was an artist, and was completely clueless about what I was doing, but was very supportive. He was not an outgoing person, but later got into local politics, and that experience taught me a lot about people (and ethics). No matter what I was doing, or you will be doing, really basic psychology is at work, as in communication and persuasion. He also got me started in music, which has been a wonderful hobby all my life. For all I know, specific career advice might be rare. He wanted me to be a dentist. I found science and tech more appealing!

And things change! My Dad grew up in a world of newspapers (He was a commercial artist) and telephones pre-dating rotary dials, vacuum tubes and no transistors and such. Things really change, even over a short period, as you note.

My own college education was in physics, which essentially prepares you for every job other than physics. And since service intervened, I hopped on the aerospace job train, in optics, electronic engineering and eventually, computing, around the time when you could actually build and own your own.

I never had any mentor, so to speak, and I understand your desire for one. I hope you do find one, because a mentor can share experience and wisdom that you would otherwise learn the hard way. I sure did.

But ask what is enduring in all this change. I tell young people to become electricians, because power generation and distribution are essential. In your case, electrical engineering. and since computers run everything, your interest in computing will be important. I needn't remind anyone how vulnerable power control systems are when sloppily programmed.

And if it all falls apart, people in remote communities will always need electricity from solar or whatever, and cost-effective, reliable systems.

Here in California, communities who didn't long ago set up their own power companies, negotiating with suppliers directly, are paying a terrible price for the monopoly or duopoly which burned entire communities with outdated equipment and forged safety records. We are paying for the renewed infrastructure whose budget went to shareholders and executives instead. Unfortunately, switchover takes time, and it's just too late for many. Nearby Fresno has the highest total electrical costs in the U.S. [0]

Well, just my two cents. To be honest, I was (and still am) a Jack of all trades, adapting to various job opportunities, from aerospace, to education, finance, sales engineering, and whatnot.

Seek good advice, and build your basic competence (as I did with physics) and confidence. We are all problem-solvers, and the ability to bring in ideas from outside a specialty can pay handsomely.

And avoid forums other than Hacker News. They are overrun by bots.

[0] https://gvwire.com/2025/05/09/fresno-pays-the-most-for-elect...