Dating Apps Are Dying

19 points by carabiner 6 days ago | 13 comments

Ironic. This is written from a women's perspective so it is giving the exact opposite issue majority of men have, which is they don't have much choice on the apps. I did notice however people were much more friendly on the apps in southeast asia (and no I don't mean 'those' people) even when you told them you are just passing through. So it is probably not just intrinsically the apps but the apps reflecting a certain side of society.

carabiner 6 days ago | |

I used dating apps in mexico and it felt like being back in the 2010s. This was with college-educated, bilingual mexican women. They were fun to talk to and responsive and wanted to hang out.

lambda_lord 6 days ago |

Pretty spot on. In real life, you have hundreds of micro signals that you evaluate attractiveness on, albeit on a shallow level. How they smile, the sound of their voice, the way they conduct themselves. The profiles on dating apps have ridiculous prompts, e.g. "two truths and one lie", "a dream home must include XXX" and you start to see the same photos a dozen times. In an effort to find "the one" you take mental shortcuts to reject someone.

I would say that dating apps take out the awkwardness of approaching someone in real life who isn't mutually interested. It can be socially devastating to ask out someone who you thought was showing interest but was not.

Social media can easily make someone look like a creep just to ask someone out. Before social media the awkward encounters would have largely been forgotten.

Finally, before dating apps, many people met their partner at the workplace. There are huge consequences (getting fired) for asking out someone who isn't interested, or if it doesn't work out. And we are much more aware of professional boundaries.

dude250711 6 days ago |

> "I can reject a profile in less than two seconds because I do not like someone’s hair or because he falls outside my preferred height range."

We need an app with weight/tattoos/debt/children filter.

herbst 6 days ago |

Coming out of a very long relationship I was shocked how things changed.

I never was a dating app kind of human, but it helped me to get out there and even find my last partner.

First I assumed it's me, I am old now. But I slowly realized it's more than that, other people are old now too and yet it feels so distanced. It feels so different. It feels dishonest and fake.

But is it really much better in reality? Aren't we getting more and more distanced either way?

iammjm 6 days ago | |

> But is it really much better in reality? Aren't we getting more and more distanced either way?

Yes, and yes. We are getting more distanced, but clearly the online/digital interactions are amplifying this in an extreme way. Like the idea itself that we are both talking to a bundle of plastics, metals and electronics and everything we say is mediated by this THING between us, that's as distancing as it gets. But it still is possible to just talk to people "out there" in the real world, but since it's less common and happens less often than it used to, I think we kinda lose this as a skill because we are out of practice, and its not just us but also "them". So I think the real-life interactions nowadays need some more engineering to set up the conditions for them, but at the same time people are desperate for them and craving them

TFNA 6 days ago | | |

It has also become more intimidating to interact IRL since so often women say online, "I don't want men to use public places and meetups as a way to meet me." Now, those women may be unrepresentative and a sign of how social media elevates extreme views, but it is nevertheless very discouraging.

herbst 6 days ago | | |

That's the weird paradox. Never have been so many people been alone, never have so many people lived alone. And yet it seems so hard to connect.

I mean sure living in Switzerland doesn't make that more easy for sure, but the general issue doesn't seem to be a local one.

circumcised 4 days ago | |

Online dating changed recently. Match Group acquired 40+ dating apps and essentially turned them into slot machines. The old days of connecting with people on OkCupid are gone.

My fear is a new dating app will be developed and also acquired by Match Group.

TFNA 6 days ago | |

It's not just old people and my heart bleeds for young people now who are fucked compared to how we had it. I am moving back to a university town that 10 years ago had a lively cafe and live-music culture where young people would readily strike up conversations with others they noticed were regulars, and sometimes relationships were sparked. People still living there tell me that no longer happens and is not socially acceptable; young people are now desperate for opportunities to make friends, and for relationships they don't see any alternative to dating apps even though everyone despises them.

herbst 6 days ago | | |

Yes. Everyone says things like "go there, you'll meet people" and the reality is, yes you might meet people but on a very different level than you did 10 years ago.

I am mid 30 (so not that old) but the reality in dating does make me feel very old right now.

wodenokoto 6 days ago |

While I agree that dating apps encourage superficial engagement and that the app provider goal is to have you use the app, while the users goals are essentially "getting off the app", the main downfall of dating apps are fake profile and profiles promoting paid services (paid dating, paid sex, paid whatever)

circumcised 4 days ago | |

the main downfall is one corporation acquiring 40+ dating apps and tweaking algorithms to addict people. now they are collecting extensive data on all users