This was hilarious - so many of these I could relate too ... I've definately gotten in trouble because of the "snape don't lie to me" one and the woman typing in "nonesense" vs. Jim Carey reminded me how she calls what I do "typing in some codes", good stuff :)

If you have time for a girlfriend, you're doing it wrong. Shut up and code. And somebody get me the cap table spreadsheet. Quick, somebody put out the fire in the rubbish bin. What time are the VCs coming over again? What, there are customers waiting in the conference room?!?? Who the hell scheduled that meeting? Why is the build failing again!!!??? Where is Bob, Bob is the only one who knows how to configure the firewall! NO, don't let the VCs leave, stall, damnit, stall... Why can't I get logged into the CRM system? Is the LDAP server down again?!? Who are these people in the conference room, customers or the VCs? Salespeople? Who the f%!# let salespeople in? We can't buy anything, we don't have any money! Where did you put the VCs? No, I don't have cash to tip the pizza delivery guy. Why isn't that fire out yet? Damnit, somebody hand me a fire extinguisher. Answer that freaking phone! No, tell the Fire Department we don't need them. The SEC?!? What the f%!# do they want??? Are the VCs still in the lounge?!? No, we don't need Ghostbusters, send them away. And somebody get that goddamned goat out of here right now!