Ask HN: It felt like dying

12 points by coley 12 years ago | 8 comments

Before it happened, you remembered looking at your stomach. There was a twitch. An itch? Maybe a pain. You're not sure, but it grabs your attention. Next, your hands and feet are sweaty and start shaking. This is usually the feeling that overcomes you before getting sick, but you've never had the urge to take off your clothes like you do now. It's hot and they're keeping you from breathing, holding you down, and constricting you. Your mouth has never filled with saliva this way before. That tingling in your feet and hands have never spread up your body and to your spine. You can't swallow. It's in your head now. Static starts to take over your vision and hearing, tunneling your perception and fixing it to a point. The only thing that matters now is staying awake. No one is here to help you, so you have to stay awake. Don't close your eyes. It feels like you're being torn away from your consciousness. Each second multiplies the force that is pulling your mind into this chasm of fear. At this point you are certain that you are dying. Your thoughts fill with worries and regrets, and then pleading and begging. These thoughts only help confirm that something is wrong.

The doctor told me I had a panic attack. I was hoping for something a bit more concrete - something that could be fixed. Not a diagnosis that the knowledge of, worsens that very condition. Now I have this worry that it could happen again at any moment, and like before, I'll be by myself when it hits.

Have any of you experienced anything like this before? Did you go to the doctor? Has it happened more than once? Have you felt one coming on, then successfully prevented it? If so, how?

I realize this type of behavior isn't helpful for calming me down. I also realize that HN isn't a medical community. I'm posting this here because this is the most mature and considerate public forum I participate in.

Thanks for taking time to read.

markhacker 12 years ago |

Yes. I never ever, EVER believed in 'panic attacks' until it happened to me. And when it set it off, it happened three times in a day. Horrid. Shaking, unbelievable, hyper ventilating, and so on.

The best thing you can do is speak to someone. Whether that's a friend, family member, or a doctor - talking helps. I didn't talk to anyone for ages, and that's when the panic attacks started.

Also (and this is hard depending on the situation) - try and reduce stress around you. If it's say, a bad boss, well unless you quit there's not much you can do, but you can do other things - reduce coffee, get more sleep, and find ways to unwind - a sport or something. I personally enjoy going to a coffee shop after work (to have a tea!) and catching up on some fun sites on the internet. It's my time, and I can be 'alone'.

Hope you get some help from either the comments on here, or someone close to you, or a medical professional. Even a counsellor can be of some help - just someone listening. Doesn't have to be a shrink.

meheartdags 12 years ago |

I've only had one really insane experience like this, but I've had hundreds of minor panic attacks. The key for me was learning to control it before it spirals out of control. The problem with panic attacks is that they're recursive and only stop when your stack overflows :-)

I've trained myself to exit() the second I notice my mind going down that path. I tell myself "DONT FUCKING WORRY. YOU'RE FINE. THE ODDS THAT YOU'RE DYING VS HAVING A PANICK ATTACK ARE REALLY LOW! NOW SNAP OUT OF IT!". One thing that helps me a ton is to reach for my phone and start reading Reddit or Hacker News or something familiar to engage my mind in something until it calms its stupid ass down. Sitting down helps too, just to relax myself.

The other thing that I found is that being tired is the biggest factor in my ability to control my mind. Being well rested is essentially a cure for me.

jkaykin 12 years ago |

Yes. I got my first one in March of this year, I felt like I was going to die. Thankfully my girlfriend was there to help me through it. After that, they continued happening and felt like they were random but they really aren't. You need to learn what exactly is causing them and learn how to keep stress out of your life. I completely eliminated caffeine and changed my diet (working on getting refined sugar out). You have to find what works for you and I definitely recommend seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist. You have done a good job by reaching out to this community, that's a huge step that many won't take.

Also, look into meditation and Ayurvedic medicine. Since it feels like dying and it is scary, read some buddhist writings on death and afterlife, it might change your perspective. Also, I tried an ayurvedic diet and could say it did somewhat help me but I do know people who had panic attacks, restlessness, anxiety, etc and they started following it and slowly, the attacks went away. Get more info here: http://www.chopra.com/community/online-library/tips/vata-dos...

Personally, I have just been very patient with it (you need to be patient with your body) and have tried to make it a learning experience. It's very hard to do but you just need to keep trying and once you have them, you learn that "oh yeah! This is a panic attack" and so you already know what's coming and how to stay calm. Our brain is very plastic and can be molded, it just needs time to learn. If you work at it, try to make it an eye opening experience and tell yourself that it is just temporary, because it is, then your panic attacks will go away.

One more piece of advice: Don't live with the fear of having another panic attack. I did and that's what caused me to have even more. I know it's hard to do but in actuality, it's a downward spiral. You fear having a panic attack and then you have another one and then once it goes away, you continue to fear having another one and then you have another one (you get what I mean). You know the saying by FDR: "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Stay positive. Stay clear-minded. Get enough sleep. Make it a learning experience.

My email is in my profile, please reach out if you want someone to talk to.

hedonist 12 years ago |

I wouldn't say it felt like dying, but yes, I once had a very strong panic attack with symptoms like this.

It was actually helpful (in retrospect) to consider the experience in terms of a temporary glandular over-reaction of some sort. As in, not "aww look how broken and pathetic I am to be all curled up in a ball like this", but rather, "look at what a complex feat of engineering I am, and look how helpful it is of my body to warn me and signal me when I'm exposing it to stresses it doesn't like very much."

So you might want to look up the terms "cortisol surge" and "adrenal fatigue". And also look into that magical chemical known as serotonin, and how it works as a cross-regulator among various cognitive and strictly physical subsystems in your body. Mind you, I've had no formal medical training, I'm just saying a bit of self-study and serious research might be helpful here.

As to how to prevent them: that's a touch one, because everyone has different trigger thresholds, and (despite what big pharma would dearly like for you to believe) there are no magic bullets.

But personally I've found a sustained, low-key meditation practice to have surprisingly positive long-term benefits. When you strip away the paranormal- and pseudoscientific baggage around it (which are really just that), what it comes down to is (1) basic common sense awareness of how mental and emotional stress works in the body, and in particular, how it correlates with physical stress; (2) how easily we fall into "monkey-mind" patterns of reacting to stressful situations, rather than simply detaching from and (mentally) walking away from them, as it were; and (3) how the same natural tendency of our minds/bodies to learn counterproductive reactive behaviors, can, over time, be used to "unlearn" them, and with surprising efficacy.

But in general -- increased awareness of how our minds and bodies aren't really separate things, but different manifestations / aspects of the same, unified (and beautiful) thing; couple with a realization of how much potential we really have (despite all of our past mistakes, and all the crummy things other people do to us, or say about us), can really help quite a lot.

moocow01 12 years ago |

Yes. Ive had them previously many times and went to the ER the first time - I had a collection of terrifying symptoms that made me think I was having a stroke.

You'll likely need to genuinely stop fearing the symptoms of having a panic attack to get rid of them. When you feel anything like that coming on work on knowing you really are ok and its simply your adrenaline / panic response out of control - do not try to stop it, you will just cause yourself more panic. Nothing bad will happen to you despite how awful and unbelievable they feel - go with the flow but yes they feel like death. Try to learn to enjoy them as crazy as that sounds - focus on how amazing it is that your body can do all that stuff just from an adrenaline response. I know that sounds odd but its a perverse backwards way of getting them to stop. Its the only path out that I know of.

(Also as a side note from talking to docs - despite absolutely feeling like you will pass out panic attacks do not actually cause one to pass out or lose their mind. I know it feels like that but let those concerns go when you have an attack.)

trvd1707 12 years ago |

My ASPIE son is quite familiar with panic attacks and I got use to dealing with him when he has them. After I lost my other son to suicide I had a very complicated grief, felt into profound depression and had panic attacks in the beginning. There are medications you can take to control your panic attacks. I tried some and found one that worked for me until I didn't have them anymore. My son always refused to take any kind of medication, so we had to use some behavioral training to help him identify what triggers a panic attack, when it is starting and how he can mitigate them, shortening its duration and avoiding worse consequences. Because of him being aspie, I have his support network that is made of very few people, informed about panic attacks and how to deal with him when he is having one. If I was you, I would look for a good psychiatrist that can help you pinpoint the origin of your panic attacks, if they are related to another condition (depression, for example) and look for options to treat the condition. Also, seek your support network, family, friends, spouse, that can help you.

kio 12 years ago |

You don't mention the trigger that brought on the panic attack but just in case you overlooked the obvious I'll mention coffee. Excessive coffee especially on an empty stomach brings on anxiety attacks in many people myself included. If your in a stressful situation or environment the effect may be magnified. Here is a short article you could read on coffee's effect that mirrors the conditions you described. http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=50... I wish you the best.

foobarbazqux 12 years ago |

Read up on the various forms of talk therapy used for treating panic attacks and pick one that you like the sound of. Don't keep seeing a therapist that you don't like.