Why current social technologies might be keeping us from truly connecting

Why current social technologies might be keeping us from truly connecting(medium.com)

38 points by alex_lod 12 years ago | 24 comments

speeder 12 years ago |

I am very worried about this actually...

Today I was thinking about it, also about distractions, wasted time, and not enough time really idle.

I noticed that recently I am always using my smartphone, to read news, HN, Facebook or exchange messages...

Yet, my productivity is not good as I want, I manage to get bored on the internet, and the news don't really add anything useful on my life.

And regarding social connections specifically, the only person I see is my SO, the last time I visited a friend is about 10 months.

And the last time I spend more than one day with a friend, is about 10 years ago.

Today, after thinking about all this, I tried to not read news... It was really, really, really hard, and only lasted well for about 4 hours.

Then when I was going to drink some coffee, I forgot my cellphone, and as I sat on the table and tried to grab it, I felt VERY anxious and weird.

And I don't remember this happening in 2011 (when I still owned a internet-less "dumbphone").

I am deeply worried, and I dunno what to do, I want to be able to "waste" time idle, to let my mind think about interesting things, I already have a very vast amount of knowledge (since I learned to read at age of 3 I became a avid reader, my hobby in childhood was read paperback encyclopedias and dictionaries, also I could read popular scientific magazines in one day or two), but I feel I cannot do anything about it, because I am 100% of the time busy, when I am not working I am on Facebook, or cellphone messages, or some news site, or a forum... I am thus with my brain busy so much that there is no time to come up with something new, even work-related ideas usually I have when walking home (I don't dare flashing a smartphone here in Brazil, that is a quick way to get killed) or when I am using the shower (for obvious reasons, I cannot use a smartphone while on the shower).

ashwinaj 12 years ago | |

I totally agree. All this "connectedness" is BS, there is no substitute for meeting someone in real. It's a massive problem in the western world where there are loose family/friend connections in the first place, and on top of all this these "social" networks make relationships even worse. Honestly, how many of us really know their friends/neighbors anymore? And I'm not talking about small talk...

casual_slacker 12 years ago | |

Why do we continue to spend time on content that doesn't seem to add value to your life? I had to block myself from Reddit, it took months before I stopped instinctively trying to open it in a new tab. More so though, I was worried about missing something important, which is also the reason I hang around HN. Single feed ephemeral boards are a terrible medium for that.

grimtrigger 12 years ago |

I don't use social networks (unless you consider HN & reddit) but I think this article is way off the mark. This is especially obvious in immigrant communities where families in different countries exchange photos through facebook. My mom grew up in a small village in India and now talks to her elementary school friend online... thats pretty cool!

The author's argument seems to be "facebook is not a substitute for real social interaction", to which I can only say "duh!". I don't know a single person making that claim.

There's a lot of potential gripes with facebook, but I think the author got started with a clunky analogy and tried to make the article fit it.

fragmede 12 years ago | |

HN and Reddit are prime examples of a social network - and one that could only exist due to our technology. They're also a prime example of technology degrading connection to another human. Consider if we were having this conversation in person, there'd be more "real social interaction", and I'd be forced to note you as an individual, probably recognize if I met you again, and you'd be more to me than an 11 character username that doesn't consider HN and Reddit social networks, for better or worse.

Due to the limited format here, I don't even know if I've 'met' you before, nor if we have 'friends' in common - to jog my memory of where we may have met before, whereas Facebook at least gives me mutual friends.

If you're ever in a room and everyone is checking Facebook on their cellphone, then Facebook has substituted for real social interaction.

unimpressive 12 years ago | | |

>Consider if we were having this conversation in person, there'd be more "real social interaction", and I'd be forced to note you as an individual, probably recognize if I met you again, and you'd be more to me than an 11 character username that doesn't consider HN and Reddit social networks, for better or worse.

Let's keep things in perspective here. If it weren't for HN, you and the parent probably would have never met.

I don't see how you can degrade a connection that otherwise wouldn't exist.

katbyte 12 years ago | | |

>If you're ever in a room and everyone is checking Facebook on their cellphone

I don't know how many times i've seen people just constantly checking FB, twitter, etc in social situations instead of you know, actually socializing-_-

oblique63 12 years ago | |

> The author's argument seems to be "facebook is not a substitute for real social interaction", to which I can only say "duh!". I don't know a single person making that claim.

I don't think you have to make that claim explicitly to believe it or act on it at some level.

For example, how many times have you ever thought about calling a person, then decided it wasn't really that important so you just facebook/text/email/tweet them instead? Eventually, I would think you stop having that debate altogether and short-circuit the process to just messaging them through some asynchronous medium directly. Nobody would ever argue that it's the same thing, but the habit forms and inertia builds until eventually one method of communication has effectively supplanted the other. It would be so gradual you probably wouldn't notice such a paradigm shift in your life until you explicitly thought about it (possibly after seeing some of its after-effects). I could see that happening...

tekalon 12 years ago | | |

I would agree with this. I don't like phones and wish everyone would just text/email/facebook any communications. At the same time, because of this, I also don't feel the need to go out or socialize face to face as much.

dnautics 12 years ago |

real coke is not standard in the US because sugar is difficult to import. Most explanations for this center around the cuban Fanjul family - which has captured congress to maintain a sugar tariff against importing sugar from every country except for the dominican republic, where their refineries are.

Hawaii no longer produces sugar cane, it's not economical (neither is pineapple; golf and tourism have taken over) and northern sugar beets only produce white sugar, not molasses.

HFCS is the "cheapest alternative" because its production is effectively subsidized by congress as well - from corn tariffs, etc. To a certain degree the evolution of HFCS as a sweetener can also be traced to prohibition, when corn mash could not be used for whiskey and alternative uses for the high carbohydrate content of corn were explored and subsidized.

speeder 12 years ago | |

Corn subsidies are from even earlier than prohibition, someone here on HN posted once a detailed article about this subject, seemly the first laws about sugars are from 1700s

fusiongyro 12 years ago | |

Yeah. The article might be making a good point, but with such a large, distracting, and loaded analogy standing in the doorway, getting to the meat became a little insufferable.

decasteve 12 years ago |

I'm much more optimistic about it. To be connected to every corner of the globe in near real time, not to mention connected to people and robots in outer space. I'm connecting with fascinating people in my local community as well, talking about an ever diverse set of topics.

My biggest concern about connectivity is in the school system. Kids get a connection to the world through the internet but we cut them off from their local communities by placing them in a bubble--the physical school building.

CraigRood 12 years ago | |

My concern isn't really the 'connective-ness' of these networks/web in general. It's the 'reward' system and instant gratification via the 'point systems' - re-tweets, karma, Likes etc. The way we interact with these networks is entirely based on gaining more 'points' and using them as a measure. We are almost going back to the playground where if you did something funny and everyone else laughed, regardless of its worth you would do it again. There's no substance, there's no real value, It's your hourly 'fix' of self worth. I try to avoid the game, It's not only dangerous but I would also consider it depressing in that you start measuring your own worth against someone else because they got a better reaction - playground again.

grimtrigger 12 years ago | | |

Bingo. It's embarrassing how good it feels to get a bunch of "likes" and how much of the conversation gets slanted that way.

jackschultz 12 years ago |

I feel like if you make the effort, then it isn't an issue. Call people instead of texting, do the upside-down phone thing when you go out to eat or have drinks with the people you just called to hang out with. If you "go off the grid" every once in a while, I think you'll find that the world doesn't end.

The key here is effort though. It isn't easy to meet up with people when you can just use the internet to communicate. But if you really are worried about the effects technology has on your life, then effort shouldn't be an issue.

I guess you can blame the technology, or you can blame yourself.

fragmede 12 years ago |

The closing jab at Mexico is just a jab, but I feel it bears explicit mention - while vising Mexico, many tourists won't have a native cellphone plan, and thus won't be connected to Facebook/whatever, leaving you to actually connect with those you're on vacation with.

(Yes, wifi exists, but it's not ubiquitous.)

dschleef 12 years ago |

This link is an artificial construct designed to provide the superficial result of a real article.

thibauts 12 years ago | |

I once thought it was at hackers' core to look behind the appearances. Core values and myths are long gone, buried into memory traces of hidden places that never met the instant share button.

Zikes 12 years ago | |

I wouldn't have expected my own thoughts on the article could have been summed up so cleverly.

jameshsi 12 years ago |

whoa, this is exactly the motivation behind a current project (just posted a ShowHN thread actually!), centered around collaborative time capsules. One criticism we've come up against when we tell people we're interested in building an experience around social time capsules is that it's not consuming or addictive.

I'm optimistic in thinking that social services make it easier to connect, but I'm not sure many are designed primarily for true, intimate connections. A saying I do like though is that "Facebook is only as good as your friends list," so maybe at the end of the day it's still up to us as individuals to put forth the effort in creating meaning.

benched 12 years ago |

I have a friend who posts to Facebook several times per day about where they are and what they're doing. Only a few years ago, this person used to be my closest friend. Now, we are distant, and I feel this Facebook usage is part of that. I am under the impression that this person feels their social needs met, and their social 'obligations' discharged, by regular status updates. They are 'connecting' to everyone they know continuously. Meanwhile, I feel I hardly know them anymore. But I know exactly where they are and what they are doing at any given moment. This person has also told me that they feel they have become friends with certain people they only communicate with on Facebook. That doesn't seem like a real friendship to me. I should add that all of this communication is 'public' in that it is all visible to all the people in these friend circles. That too seems strange to me. How many personal things will someone say in such mixed company? And, indeed, the communication seems far more banal and superficial than what I am used to. It is almost painful to read.

My friend feels very differently on the subject, and that itself is part of the reason for our drifting apart.

Zikes 12 years ago | |

Sometimes people drift apart, not all friendships last forever. It's entirely possible the same thing would have happened with or without Facebook.

Regarding your feelings towards their new "friends", you've no right to question their friendship or its value. Those are real people on both ends, no matter the means in the middle, and you should respect that. All of my best friends I've met online by way of various sites. We've only seen each other in person a handful of times, yet they know me and I know them better than anyone whom I interact with face-to-face.