Inside the Starbucks at CIA HQ(washingtonpost.com) |
Inside the Starbucks at CIA HQ(washingtonpost.com) |
I mean, yeah, maybe I'm being overly sensitive and care too much about torture, detention camps, pervasive surveillance, blatant disregard of the Constitution, illegal experiments on unwitting victims, and the other myriad crimes committed by these assholes, but this article does nothing to give me the warm fuzzies.
For a while you could tell those immediately by their lack of Starbucks mobile terminals to accept mobile payments, but that changed recently.
No matter if they torture and assassinate people, it is important for them that they are seen as protecting American ideals and all that. That sounds too abstract sometimes, so a little story about "oh look they are cool people just like you, drinking Starbucks" does that very well.
But I could be wrong. Maybe they are effectively untouchable, know it, and don't give a flap what people like us think. shrug
The benefits and pay are probably decent, but it seems like one could find a better job in the private sector. I guess the restrictions weed out a lot of people who aren't truly dedicated to the CIA's purpose.
At least harder than your average chat or photo sharing app.
Like "how do we keep our torture camps secret?" and "what happens if we given random people LSD or other psychoactive drugs?"
I'll pass, thanks.
I wouldn't call it a terrible place to work. The work is pretty fulfilling, and worth giving up checking Facebook on your lunch break for.
Imho, security is really interesting theoretically, but probably not to work with outside of the academic world.
I would have expected the baristas to be actual CIA agents in training. Barista is a job available all over the world. Starbucks itself has locations in 65 countries, covering most of North and South America, most of Europe, and most of Asia. They also have pretty good coverage in the Mideast and Arab regions. Map here [1]. Being able to be planted in a coffee house as a barista and pull that off without suspicion would be a useful skill for an undercover agent trying to monitor what's going on in an area.
Rumor also has it that the CIA has the highest-paid trash collectors in the world. (All paper waste is incinerated on-site, and is never touched by anyone who isn't cleared by the organization.)
And even if the writer suspected that, she wouldn't write that with her byline on the article.
>> There are no frequent-customer award cards, because officials fear the data stored on the cards could be mined by marketers and fall into the wrong hands, outing secret agents.
What? CIA agents don't like a real-name policy or their coffee consumption being mined by marketers? Who'da thought.
Jerry: This isn't a good time.
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back later?
Telemarketer: Umm, we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don't want strangers calling you at home.
Telemarketer: Umm, no.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.
[hangs up phone]
Or maybe do it inside-out: print the cups with some phrase on them and have paper that peels off with the same phrase to give to the customer. And do it across all the Starbucks stores. I'd like this: the number of times I have to explain "Hugh" [1] or get a cup that says Q or Hue or Hu is modestly annoying.
[1] That conversation goes like this, at least in my imagination: Me: Like Hugh Grant or Hugh Laurie or Hugh Hefner or Hugh Jackman or Hugh Brown. Barista: Who is Hugh Brown? Me: I am Hugh Brown and you are making my coffee.
I have an unusual name that people find difficult to pronounce and spell. Meanwhile, there are five Matts behind me who have each ordered different things. All six of us have to keep visual attention on the service area so we can identify our stuff when it comes out, because I won't know whose name they're trying to call and latte-Matt has been assigned the same identifier as sandwich-Matt.
It bugs me even more that stores adopt this as a mark of "friendliness". It's not friendly, it's presumptuous, rude and inconvenient. I'll happily chat to the staff and exchange names when it's quiet, but don't make them try and learn mine when they're flat out doing their job. Just give me a number, or call out what I ordered - both practices vendors have been following successfully for thousands of years.
I imagine that these people are paid pretty well for their positions, as they're not being paid for their skills; they're being paid for trustworthiness.
Pay no attention to the guy just outside the fence remotely rooting them all. Heh.
wait for it..'thanks, your ORDER NUMBER is #'
ta-da!
these kinds of social constructs are meant to be gamed, not taken at face value. i know people who give baffling names to baristas just for the fun of it.
also, every starbucks i've ever been to say the name you give them, and the order description when they call out for pickup.
MIKE DOUBLE ICED AMERICANO. JOHN SOY CAPPUCCINO. LINDSAY FRAPPUCCINO WITH CARAMEL.
I used to give an easier name to baristas (even though it turns out 75% of baristas can't spell "Colin" either), but once I signed up for a loyalty card it caused issues that my "Starbucks name" didn't match the one on my loyalty card, so I mostly use my real name now. Nowadays the baristas at my local have memorized my real name & my order, so it's no longer an issue.
Reflex/conditioning? I've actually had exactly this conversation with a Matt, and we came to the common conclusion that we should both use a name like "Zorro" that's unique and easy to spell. But I haven't trained the reflex enough yet: generally when asked for my name, I have no reason not to give it.
> They care about PR quite a bit
edit: fixed spelling.
But I am always tempted to give my name as Primrose Everdeen [1]
[1] http://hungergamesfandom.net/tag/i-volunteer-as-tribute/