Ask HN: What do I do with those employers who stopped replying to me?

5 points by wishiknew 11 years ago | 13 comments

So I'm looking for a job and I'm starting to gather quite a few email addresses of people who've been dicks to me…

One has interviewed me a few months ago and told me things like "great feeling, I feel you're motivated, hit me up in a few months and we'll hire you". I wrote to him as expected, never got an answer. I called a few weeks ago, he said he'd call me by the end of the week. I called once again after that, his secretary told me he'd call back. Nothing ever since.

Another has interviewed me on the phone for thirty minutes and told me his company was interested in hiring me but I had to do a test project first. So I woke up one Saturday (I was working full time at that point) and spent a day working on said project. I sent it and was told it would take two weeks to get a reply since the guy who was to review my project was on vacation. Three weeks later, I ask for some news. No reply. Two months later, I ping back: no reply.

Another is a friend's acquaintance. He's a freelance entrepreneur. We ate pizza and discussed about working together a few months ago. He basically told me "yeah, call me when you're free and I'll introduce you to the tech I'm using". I write to him and he says "right now I'm working on this and that, what about you? When do you want to come?". I tell him and get no reply.

(I have more examples in mind but have to stop here because of the length limit.)

For a few months I didn't care much, but I'm slowly starting to understand that most companies are just like that, rude and unrespectful. If you don't like me, why do you make me believe that you're willing to hire? And what does it cost you to tell me 'no'? You're not busy to the point where you can't do this. So yeah, what do I do with those addresses? Spam lists? Fake outstanding applications where the fake candidate never replies to them?

RogerL 11 years ago |

Glassdoor. If you interview with an established company you can write anonymously about your experiences. I'm amazed at companies continue to not care about how they treat people when everything is public these days. And this is not 'getting back' at the company, it is helping people. The first thing I do when an offer to talk shows up in my inbox is scamper off to Glassdoor - it is very revealing and helpful.

BWStearns 11 years ago |

I just finished up a job search and I ran into the same thing. I think everyone does. Hiring is a hard process so it's not terribly surprising that not many places do it right (I do not claim to have the answer on how to do it right but non-responsiveness is certainly something to avoid).

One reason that I suspect for the silence isn't that they're actively snubbing you or ignoring you but that the person doing the hiring might be doing development as well and if they need to spend an hour interviewing or an hour coding a feature they'd rather work on the feature. I feel like this is particularly likely at startups since they don't have excess manpower. Even in larger companies it might be that they want to move forward but it just keeps getting deprioritized from above and they don't want to tell you to move on and lose you since they still hold on to the delusion that they'll successfully reprioritize it.

I wouldn't retaliate (though I understand the desire for vengeance... er justice :), though as RogerL suggested Glassdoor might be a good route. If it starts impacting their applicant pipeline then they'll start being more responsive.

MalcolmDiggs 11 years ago |

I'd say that step 1 is not to take it personally. I don't want to excuse their behavior (I've experienced the same thing), but in general, you've just got to grow a thick skin and learn to move past it.

As someone who has been in this industry awhile, I can assure you: You'll cross paths again and tables often turn. They'll get what they have coming to them, karma will take of it, you don't have to worry about that.

You can't control other peoples' behavior. If I were you, I would focus on you. Try to be your best self, and leave them with a stellar impression of you. Someday, it very well might pay off.

And if they're really being a douchebag (to an extreme or offensive level), you should tell them so. Nobody is above being called-out for their bullshit.

wishiknew 11 years ago | |

Right now I don't see karma being particularly generous to me, that's what makes me bitter the most I think, more than these guys being unrespectful. I mean in terms of material life I know this freelance guy is making a fortune and constantly on vacation at luxurious places. I don't care much about money and abroad holiday, all I'm looking for is the money to afford a small studio where I wouldn't have to deal with relatives or roommates, and even something as simple as that is too much to ask :\

xyby 11 years ago |

Why continue to bother with those? What can you gain from it? It won't make the world a better place. Don't be bitter about people who treat you lika a "dick". They don't mean it. They just did not notice. We all have very limited attention to others. In the same time, you probably have been a dick to others without noticing it.

It will make the world a better place when you find a job where you are welcome and can work with people you click with. What is your skillset?

wishiknew 11 years ago | |

Well I'm sorry but some of those people are paid by companies to handle HR, professionalism doesn't look like an option to me. It is true though that I have nothing to gain in this. I'm a web dev with experience in front-end, back-end and system administration. I'm looking for any first job that will allow me to specialize in any of those fields.

6d0debc071 11 years ago | |

> Don't be bitter about people who treat you lika a "dick". They don't mean it. They just did not notice. We all have very limited attention to others.

It's easy enough to write down in your diary what needs to happen and when, and your attention for others is not strained by doing so - after all, you are on the phone to them.

Being a dick isn't active malice, it's just not caring about other people.

jhwhite 11 years ago |

I've gone through something similar.

Back in 2012 this happened:

>I interviewed for a job in Austin. I had 2 phone interviews, a 7 hour in person interview with at least 10 different people including the CIO, VP's, directors, and team members, then a follow-up interview with a senior person. Then I hear NOTHING again. I call for a follow-up and leave a message and they don't return my call. So I just assume they hired someone else. I just get a call from a head hunter trying to fill the position that I interviewed for. Obviously the company is still looking and glad to have some closure (I apparently wasn't what they were looking for) but kinda disappointed that they didn't call me to tell me themselves.

A friend of mine got a little fired up about it and replied to my Facebook post:

>I think that is ridiculous! Sometimes I wonder who raised these people because it is NOT hard to send a couple-sentence email saying "Thanks for applying. We have chosen another candidate. We'll keep you in mind in the future." Heck - I'd rather get an email saying "F-U" than NOTHING. I know "they" think there are sooooo many applicants that they don't have to show people common decency, but it's JUST PLAIN RUDE. The reality is you may be looking for a job from them right now, but one day they may be wanting your business or looking for a job themselves when they get laid off or fed up; their company may be bought by one you own or even just work for; they may be on the "needy" side of the equation one day, and you won't forget how poorly they behaved. What if you weren't right for this opening, but they want you for something else in the future? Or what if they thought you weren't perfect, but they just never find perfect and decide they DO want you? Do they just think because you need a job you will completely forget about all of that? Even if they never need anything from you in their lives, I don't know how people sleep at night knowing that people like you are out there, just wondering what happened, at their mercy. {O.K. Apparently, I got a little fired up.} I don't know...fine if they don't want to hire you; fine if they don't have time to spend hours telling you what would have made their decision different; NOT fine to not respond at all. Period. Silver lining: Just be glad you DIDN'T get hired because you would have found out what they were really like when it was too late!!!

wishiknew 11 years ago | |

Ahah, your friend is fun in the way he's passionate about this. But I agree with him on absolutely everything he said. Thanks for sharing your story, too, at least now I know my interviews were pretty short compared to what I may have been through!

JoeAltmaier 11 years ago | |

A friend that will rant on your behalf is solid gold.

chipsy 11 years ago |

Either go tit for tat or don't waste any more energy than necessary. I've mostly encountered situations where there's bad-faith negotiation, in which case I either walk or (if I'm in the advantageous position) actively make the process more tiring and frustrating with delays, bumping the quote, etc.

People, in general, have trouble sticking to promises surrounding interpersonal plans. This is not just a business thing, it's a "I can barely deal with the world" thing. People have their issues, and operate at the selfish, reptilian level the majority of the time(regardless of self-image). Rather than call them jerks for behaving like what they are, figure out how to tame them instead. That's the most noble thing you can do.

I'll use ample amounts of time to socialize and give advice. But when it's time to discuss paid work and livelihoods are at stake, I cut out the flake-outs really quickly. Filtering and hedging happens at the stage of these early meet-and-greet communications: If they say they're interested, do they also indicate that they'll work to reach you? If they want to schedule something, do they actually give date and time options? Red flags of effort/reward can appear all over this stuff. If they want you to do a test project and the scope and spec indicates some possibility of theft of work, either walk or design in a (non-destructive) time bomb that forces them to contact you again to negotiate payment for a fix.

I got introduced through a mutual friend to someone who had a minor programming job - something so trivial that outsourcing would actually be the appropriate choice, but I gave him a quote anyway. He got back to me almost an entire month later with a vague voice mail message saying "uh, tell me when you're downtown next so we can meet." I haven't replied - because in those two interactions, he's signaled a lack of research and poor ability to efficiently move things forward. It might be for a friend, but for the money, it'd take too much of my time to get to the invoicing stage relative to other things I have going. If I have to meet him again, I'll point him to eLance.

b0o 11 years ago |

Instead of being mad, you should be glad for having dodged multiple bad employers/partners because sometimes having a bad employer/supervisor is poisonous to your work environment and will lead you to hate your work and burn you out.

wishiknew 11 years ago | |

Yes, this is something I've been telling myself. Somebody who's disrespectful at this point will be painful to work with. However, I nevertheless need a job so that I can get on with my life, you know? Being on pause and watching time go by without knowing where I'll live in one month's time sucks.