Interesting that this came up. Last weekend, I was at a coffee shop / bar type place with a friend and we got talking about body language. We started people watching and noticed two separate people in the place: both males, both alone.

The first man, I decided, was waiting for someone and was very clearly uncomfortable with the idea that he was sitting alone in a public place. His right leg was shaking rapidly (my right leg started doing the same thing as I watched him) and kept giving off signals that could only be interpreted as a mixture of anxiety and outward gestures to let people know that he was waiting for someone. He also kept taking out his phone, fiddling with it, and putting it back away. I was behind him, so I noticed that all he was doing was compulsively flipping back and forth between the home screens on his iPhone. Sure enough, a woman with whom he seemed well-acquainted with showed up five minutes later to join him, and he calmed down.

The second man had no scheduled guests beside his waiter and was calm as could be. He just sat, unoccupied, and enjoyed his meal and coffee alone while mildly observing his surroundings. He even noticed me glancing at him and offered a smile as if to say that he knew what I was doing. I smiled back.

The reality is, and this was one of the points of the article, that I hadn't even noticed either of them until I had intentionally given myself a reason to.

Halfway into my fourth year in college, I developed a major funk that led to me failing several classes. My dad took me out to lunch one day for a "what are you doing with your life?" talk. He had been very strict about schoolwork and grades when I was younger (and throughout much of my college career), so I was expecting to be badgered and threatened with his vision of my bleak future if I didn't turn things around. After listening to me explain what was wrong, he was silent for a bit, then suggested that I take a semester off school and go to Europe. He had been planning to send me there as a graduation present, but figured that it might snap me out of my blues and refocus my attention on school. I took his offer, and spent a little over a month backpacking around western Europe by myself. It was wonderful...the experience lead to me learning to socialize with strangers, navigate foreign countries, communicate necessities through language barriers and generally enjoy my own company, which boosted my confidence considerably. I treasure many of the memories from this trip, and would heartily recommend that anyone with the inclination travel alone at some point in their lives.

I would extend this and say start doing more things alone without technology.

It's about building trust with yourself, believing in you to be able to not only survive any situation, but to thrive.

We use people and technology as a social crutch and it limits our understanding of ourselves.

I hitchhiked throughout New Zealand by myself when I was 18 for 6 months and although it was a little uncomfortable and even scary at first I learned to trust myself and I built a huge amount of confidence that I still carry with me today.

Put yourself in situation where you have to trust strangers and in those authentic interactions you will see that humans around the world are really beautiful and loving and learn that it applied to yourself too.

My recommendation even for a weekend is to pack a small carry on size backpack with no electronics (phone, laptop, etc.) and go somewhere that you have never been in a way that you have never traveled. Hitchhike to Yosemite and find a place to camp and a fire to share.

I'm on a work gig away from home and have been spending most of my free time alone. I like it and end up in these situations on purpose, but after few months it starts to feel a bit strange. I usually try to go out to do things as I feel happier about it than staying in. Some things like museums and art galleries are nice to do alone, but most things city has to offer are culturally meant to be done in groups or together with someone.

I do get conscious about it every now and then and things like eating in a busy restaurant weekend nights can be uncomfortable. Or going to see a gig and then getting very bored while waiting between bands.

Sometimes I see great things or I fall deep into my thoughts and get some new insights, but don't immediately get to share them with anyone. When I get back home after half a year or so most of my friends comment that the time just flew by. They ask me what has happened and it's difficult to explain. It's like nothing happened to me, but for many many times.

A judicious combination of solitude and social interaction is key. I've long had to battle the problem of leaving social events early because it was just too easy to stick around until something was over, only then feeling guilty afterward because some of that time could've been better spent doing Math or working on a project/program. I like to do these things not because I'm a recluse, but that these activities are enriching, align with my goals, and just happen to be individual/solitary activities.

While it would be nice to travel (as others have done, which is great), go to beer/food festivals and concerts this summer, I'd rather be reviewing Vector Analysis, Linear Algebra, and Quantum Mechanics to get ready for the Fall semester so that I can be ready with the material in class. This isn't to be taken as an absolute. But for right now, it's the right thing to do, and to do anything to the contrary would be a poor use of my time and lead to more guilt and anxiety.

At 33 with many goals has made me realize that time management is essential, and not investing in those goals will result in repeated failure and frustration.

There's no shame in doing things alone and saying no to group activities. It's all about Opportunity cost and the scarcity of resources. That resource being time.

I do quite a few things alone, myself and I do generally tend to have a good time. In some cases, I actually have a better time than I expect I would with others.

I like to go on drives into the middle of nowhere, usually deciding what turn to take when I take the turn. Some other person would just be sitting in the car blinking as I thought that one dirt road with no one on it was /the best/ turn to make at this second.

Or, I'll go to the zoo, and take photographs; but, that's not something that's very fun to do with other people. I fear they'll get bored as I decide to sit by a single animal enclosure for the next two hours, just waiting for the creature there to do something photo-worthy.

I also often go out to eat alone. I have weird feeding schedules, and sometimes I want to eat somewhere nice, so ... bleh. I actually don't feel too bad about eating alone, but sometimes it could be quite a bit more fun to do it in a group.

I do prefer to see movies with friends, though. There's the discussion about the movie immediately after seeing it that I quite enjoy.

I also prefer to participate in extreme sports with others. Maybe not going with them the whole time the extreme sport is happening; but, there is safety in numbers in an activity that you could literally die from.

..

Long story short, for people that haven't done things alone for the awkwardness reasons. I encourage you to try it. It can be quite a lot of fun, depending on the activity.

I get the premise of the article, but not sure I entirely agree. A week or so ago I went to a live music show at a pub, I got up for a minute to go to the washroom, and when I came back someone was taking my chair from the table. Not such a good feeling. Stuff like this happens sometimes when people go to restaurants alone, I guess.

Maybe the important thing is to do things alone if necessary, but try to form connections with people. Human beings are social creatures, and we all need some form of interaction. Like my dad's mother-in-law told me, "Don't get too used to being alone." I asked her why, and she didn't really give much of an answer, but as I've grown older, I see the importance of friendships and relationships.

I'm writing this from Panama on a solo trip I'm on. I get more vacation time than my wife so tend to go on a couple solo vacations per year. It's great. I can work as much as I want, make my plans on the morning of each day, and spend a week walking miles with zero small talk.

The only drawback is having to occasionally justify to friends why I don't bring a friend along (aren't you lonely? Aren't you bored? No). Probably a lot like the dog and pony show vegans have to put on when they meet someone new (don't you miss the eggs and cheese?)

I go out in NYC alone all the time, on weekends, for fun - Mostly I do it because my friends are doctors and cant go out because they are on call - I wish I would have realized much sooner how much fun you can actually have - at a bar, alone on a Saturday night in NYC

I think there is a stigma attached going out alone though - I have random people ask me if I am alone and seem surprised by the answer. I do a lot of other stuff alone also, such as eating a restaurants, walking, etc. Going out alone is the most fun because there is alcohol involved.

Moral of the story: You can still have fun, but if you have a girlfriend, wife, or good friends, it's definitely better than doing things alone (IMO)

The beginning of an article showcases a photo of a man eating by himself and is captioned: "Not as sad as it looks."

Well, wapo, that depends. If the other two extra plates of food next to him are for imaginary friends it puts a totally different twist on things that might be sad after all.

I'm a big fan of solo bar meals. Anecdotally and informally, I'd say at least 1/3 of the time a stranger or group will initiate conversation with me. Overall it turns into an active social occasion for me >50% of the time.

Even without active social interaction, I find people watching to be very enjoyable anyway.

> But other people, as it turns out, actually aren't thinking about us quite as judgmentally or intensely as we tend to anticipate. Not nearly, in fact.

^This... I'm European and when I've visited USA / Silicon Valley (w/o knowing many people there) I have gone alone to hackathons, clubs, meetups, conferences, and many other places... and I've enjoyed it even more than other times I've gone out with friends. Doing things alone is powerful specially for making new connections, if you have the right mindset, even when you're in a foreign country.

Recommended vid: "Going Out Solo: How to hit the clubs alone and still have fun"

Description: Going out solo isn't something to be ashamed of or even afraid of. Sometimes your friends aren't willing but if you're on a mission to better yourself socially you wouldn't allow that to be an excuse. If you need a little encouragement on where to start I have some pointers for you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ftq0bzu2D1Q

  > Recommended vid: "Going Out Solo: How to hit the clubs alone and still have fun"

The downside is you have no one to recount the experience with later on, you might tell people about it but no one will ever understand what it was like unless they were there with you.

I often find myself doing things alone. I took a trip alone to New Orleans and went to have brunch at this popular restaurant. The line was pretty long and lots of people waiting outside. I went up to the host and she asked how many people were in my party, I responded, "just me." She said, "follow me this way."

So one thing I've come to realize is that when you go to a restaurant alone there's usually zero waiting time for seating, that's a plus. :)

I definitely need to do more of this.

Personal anecdote time: About a year ago a band I like (which also happens to be a side project of members of my favorite band) was playing in my city and I was trying to find friends to come with me, but none could or wanted to. I spent a few hours beforehand agonizing over whether or not to go alone but I finally decided "screw it, I'm going." Got to the club, band came on, played a kick-ass show, and after I went to buy a record at the merch table I spotted the singer (also one of the core members of said favorite band) hanging out by the bar just talking to people. So I went over and said hi, shook his hand, told him how awesome the show was and was generally a starstruck idiot the whole damn time.

None of that would have happened had I decided not to go alone, and it seemed silly in retrospect that I spent so long agonizing over the decision, but I was definitely grappling with a degree of social anxiety. But now it's something I do all the time. The key was convincing myself that no one actually cares if you're at a concert by yourself.

I think that's true of a lot of other social situations, but sometimes it's a hard mentality to internalize. Kind of weird how much we care about strangers' perceptions of us.

"describe their findings: that people consistently underestimate how much they will enjoy seeing a show, going to a museum, visiting a theater, or eating at a restaurant alone."

Very true. If you're halfway serious about art, you should not go to Museum with anyone, but by yourself. Museum viewing is intensely solo activity.

Theater though, you're held captive to the seat for 2 hours, so it's more about what you do before and after, that people have reservation about.

For whatever reason there is a social stigma attachted to being alone. I'm single and in my early 30's I recently spent six weeks travelling around South America I had a great time but when speaking to work colleagues about the trip the first thing I usually get asked is some variation on "Who did you go over there with?" It immediately gets really awkward when I say somethig like "I travelled by myself."

Can't say that this has been my experience. I moved to the other end of the country 2.5 years ago and still haven't really formed a social group. I started off heading out and doing stuff on my own, but it gets pretty depressing pretty quickly, and definitely isn't as fun as doing the same things with others. I now don't really do public things on my own at all.

I love my own company. As in really really love it and I have found that I end up meeting completely different kind of people when I do things alone.

When I first moved to SF 17 years ago I was going out to eat alone quite a lot, this was before the smartphone so instead of technology I took a book instead.

I have a lot of friends so it's not a question about that. It's just that solitude brings out some interesting perspectives on life.

I've found snowboarding to be an amazing activity to partake in alone. I'll take a mid weekday off and drive to Tahoe (I live in CA) and most resorts dont have lines at the lifts.

At my own steady pace, I'll get somewhat lost in the woods. Total silence and just the trees and snow. Maybe sit down and take it all in. I find these trips to be the best vacations and often I don't stay more than a day.

It is kind of sad that so many see doing things alone as a shameful thing, or atleast odd.

I'm sometimes self-conscious about it too but mostly (I feel) because of other people's views, not mine.

This video did the rounds a few years ago, and I think it nicely captures the sentiment of doing things alone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

Like many others, I travel a lot by myself and I feel totally comfortable with it. I wouldn't go as far as saying it's a better experience, but it's certainly better than being stuck at home waiting for an hypothetic traveling companion. And there's a sense of freedom and independence that is somewhat rewarding.

However, I feel really awkward by myself in a bar (unless there's a show of some sort). I really feel like a loner desperate to meet other people. Interestingly, I have no problem if I'm waiting for someone.

I just moved to a new city a few weeks ago and have started going to music shows weekly. Shared experience is a great way to connect with new people, not just enjoy something together with friends. I just met a new friend yesterday, and have had nice conversations and interactions with a number of other people that either turn into just a nice one-time experience or a potential friendship.

Sporting events and music shows are, I've found over the years, great things to go alone to. It might be a bit intimidating to start talking to a group of people, but approaching someone who's by themselves (or even a small group) can lead to a nice conversation or potentially something more lasting.

"We end up staying at home instead of going out to do stuff because we're afraid others will think they're a loser."

Perhaps a bigger contributing factor may be that many US citizens simply have less disposable income these days. If you are living alone in a high cost of living city (such as DC where the WP is HQ'd), you most likely have much less money to spend on bars, restaurants and movie theaters.

Fortunately, DC has many free museums, parks, trails, etc where you often find folks doing things in groups, pairs and alone without any stigmas or high costs.

I've found myself in a similar situation, I think. I'd like to do some travelling but I find myself getting hung up on money and overall I just don't know what I would spend my time doing. What did you do once you arrived in a town or city? I really would love to have an idea of what one would do in a situation like that.

this is a great story - and i hope some day if i have a kid i can do this for him also - i studied abroad (alone) by choice (not because of my grades and it was a wonderful experience that I would never trade for anything

It amazed me recently in a trek in the Hymalayas, there were some younger trekers, listening to music on iPods / iPhones the whole way, plodding along, they didn't even seem to notice the spectacular scenery. I am assuming it was just another facebook post to them.

I don't know how to camp or maintain a fire. Would you still recommend it?

I suppose, like so many things in life, dosage and quality matter in our social interactions. Having trouble forming connections with people, or having had key connections broken in a short time, can result in significant hardships. On the other hand, I've known far too many people over my life who suffered to varying degrees almost directly as a result of being unable to be outside of a "relationship" for any period of time. For many of them, I suspect that even one good episode of learning that it's OK to be on their own would have been life changing.

> Not such a good feeling. Stuff like this happens sometimes when people go to restaurants alone, I guess.

I go alone at restaurants pretty often, and what you described (more or less) only happened to me once: after I had finished my meal I went to the restroom. When I returned I found out that the book I had left on the table was no longer there. I asked the waiter about it (this was a fancy restaurant, where I go once in a blue moon), and he told me that the Italian tourists from the table next to me (some self-important shmucks) had told him that I had gone away for good, without paying.

Anyway, other than that eating out alone is pretty nice. I generally have issues with eating food in front of other people while talking and socializing (apart from very close people, like family or SO), so in this way I can eat whatever I like at whatever pace I want. Plus, I have like 4-5 or restaurants to which I go pretty often and is always nice to see that the people from there know you pretty well. May be because of the larger than average tips I leave at the end, or because they feel that I look strange eating out alone :), I wouldn't know, is nice all the same.

And about your relatives' piece of advice: In general is true, but is way, way harder when you find out that you are (and have been, for some time) alone by yourself even though you had been surrounded by all sorts of nice people who supposedly should have cared for you (family, close friends, SO etc).

Leave your jacket :-)

"dad's mother-in-law" ... odd way to say "my grandmother" ?

> I think there is a stigma attached going out alone though - I have random people ask me if I am alone and seem surprised by the answer.

I've been doing things alone a lot since I moved to another city. And it really seems weird to the people I talk to.

"Are you waiting for someone?"

"No."

"Are you alone?"

"No. Look around. There are so many people here."

I think the article is quite correct with the spot light theory. People are way too concerned about what others might think. So it actually seems to be a good thing that I mostly don't care about that.

One downside for me is that – I asked a random stranger about that – it seems I don't look approachable. She said, it seemed to her that she needed to say something smart to me rather than just asking me if I want to have a drink with her. I haven't figured out what the reason is but I would really like to change that.

>> I think there is a stigma attached going out alone though - I have random people ask me if I am alone and seem surprised by the answer.

This is the hardest part to combat, especially at a bar when there's no attraction (say, a sports game) on. There is such an intense expectation for group social activity in nightlife that makes it very hard to go solo.

For this reason, I almost never have a good time going out to a bar by myself so I'm surprised you enjoy it. Theatres and restaurants, on the other hand, I have much better luck with.

Ive done the same in NYC but never truly enjoyed any of those alone experiences