40-sth german here, currently working through a very similar problem, which is why I'll use a burner account.

1. Extending professionally with a background in BI reporting and analytics, it's easy to get freelance work in germany. Build a CV, send them out to agents (I can highly recommend etengo¹, because they are transparent/open-book on the pricing for client and freelancer) - they'll do all the boring and tedious sales work you don't want to do. Keep in mind, that freelancing has its own stress factors (mainly instability and not being part of a team), which can aggravate your depression.

2. Enhancing your tech skills is easy nowadays, there are enough resources online. Play around with one or two interesting new skills as you see fit, put them into practical use with some toy project and write it down as a 6-month "failed startup" in your CV.

3. Therapists in germany are organized in semi-unofficial networks and will often refer you to collegues, if they feel that it's urgent and can't help you directly. Some networks offer a few out-of-the-order consultations to bridge the waiting time.

4. There's different levels of depression. It's vital that you are honest about them to yourself and to healthcare workers and use the emergency services, if you are feeling on acting on suicidal thoughts. They come in waves and while you might be just "a bit down" at times, a wave can drag you into acting on suicidal thoughts at other times.

5. German healthcare professionals do NOT have the direct authority to "institutionalize" someone for having suicidal thoughts (read that too often here). The only exception is when you are an immediate and real threat to yourself or to someone else. The bar for a forced institutionalization is extremely high and they are required to check the necessity with a judge in regular intervals. What they WILL do is thoroughly check if you want to voluntarily stay at a hospital to get you out of harms way.

6. If you speak german, I can highly recommend taking a MBCT course at the Benediktushof in Holzkirchen². MBCT in general is meditation and mindfulness, enriched with psychotherapeutic elements from CBT. The Benediktushof is a former monastery and has a lot more courses for meditation, but the real benefit is getting out of your current surrounding and resetting yourself - it helped me tremendously, and silence never feels as loud and comforting as it does there.

7. Do not attempt to fix your life through a relationship, you'll just hurt yourself (talking from too many experiences here). You first have to fix yourself up to a normal far-from-perfect-but-not-depressive level, the rest will come afterwards.

8. Psychotherapy for depression is essential, medication is not - but there's a level of depression, where the latter is simply necessary for a psychotherapy to be able to work. If a therapist sends you to a psychiatrist to talk about medication, do it - even if your mind rebels against that.

9. While things like a regular sport schedule (and even if it's just taking a walk in a park for 20min) and self-help material will help you in early stages or mild forms of depression, they are no substitute for professional help in the later stages.

¹ https://etengo.de

² https://www.benediktushof-holzkirchen.de/kategorie/kw/bereic...

user:	burner77562
created:	December 19, 2022
karma:	3