Quite a few misconceptions here, that I'm surprised no one else has picked up on.

>Awhile back I was this fat, neckbearded kid in my mothers basement coding and gaming. Realized I'm trash at interacting on the most basic levels with people. Lost all the weight, got strong, got decently good looking,

You took action! That is something to be proud of. So, so, so many people never take action. They think they can't change, they think that's simply the 'way they are'.

>Every outing I need to mentally and physically prepare for, I can't just "go out" and be with people.

Isn't this a bit obvious? Seriously, what are you expecting? Do you think a person that has used a computer a couple of times in their lives is going to feel secure & confident. Do you think they will know all the shortcuts, know what to do and when, do you think everything will come naturally to them?

Of course not! Using computers, just like interacting socially, is a _skill_. Skills take practice. Being a social butterfly is not "normal". What is normal is that people who practice a skill gradually become better at it. So accept that you have not put in as many hours into social interactions as some other people. But you can, and it seems that you're catching up.

>I don't really know who I truly am because all my mannerisms are borrowed from various people, movies, figures, friends. No movement or expression is my own and it's difficult to cope with.

Your "own"? Everyone takes the things they do and know from people around it. Just because you're doing this at a point in your life where you're consciously aware of it, doesn't make it "worth any less" or weird.

I'm only replying because I can identify 100% with what you said. I do the same things, micro-analysing what everyone else is doing? Yep. Feeling insecure around other people? Yep. Wanting to be alone? Yep. Not feeling "normal"? Yep.

I think the only difference is that I'm pushing to accept who I am. (I am who I am, there's reason why I am the way I am, and that's ok. Negative self-talk will harm, rather than help me.) There is no "normal". Everyone is insecure to some extent. You can become less insecure by practice whatever you're insecure at.

Go see a psychiatrist. They will be able to help you. If you're not opposed to them, psychedelics have also helped me (personally with some aspects of this)

Feel free to ask questions

user:	keketiko
created:	September 18, 2013
karma:	3