I'm 50.

I've been building hardware and programming since I was 18.

I live in the Santa Clarita, CA.

College was touch-and-go. It was always going too slow for me. By age 20 I was working as an engineer doing both hardware and software. At age 24 I had saved-up enough to buy my first house. I had a good career and was soon making over $100K per year doing the stuff I really enjoyed.

I eventually started a tech business in my garage. Within three years it grew out of the garage and into a good size industrial facility with a dozen employees or so, in-house SMT assembly, CNC machining, low volume manufacturing, etc.

As is the case with most businesses, there were ups and downs.

The economic implosion of 2008 caught me in a perfect storm that ultimately led to killing the business after a two year gut-wrenching attempt to save it any which way I could. At the end of 2010 I had to capitulate and let it die.

Three years later. No job. I've sent out hundreds of applications. Very few call-backs. I've even lied and implied I have a degree just to see what might happen. No difference whatsoever. I had a recruiter tell me I scare the shit out of people because of the experience I have and the number of roles I've played, from rank-and-file engineer to founder/entrepreneur, CEO, CTO, etc. And, he also said, reality is I cannot water-down my resume because my life is all over the Internet in one way or the other.

The good news is that my wife is more than able to support our family and we've been OK. No urgent financial needs at this point.

The last three years have come with a lot of soul searching on my part. You go from knowing you can tackle any project anyone could care to place in front of you to thinking you are absolutely worthless. You navigate this imaginary line back and forth over time. Back and forth.

[continued in part 2 due to 2000 character limit]

user:	promptcritical
created:	December 5, 2013
karma:	27