I spent many years without friends or close contacts during childhood.

Later I had one relationship, then another.

Since 2019 and until now I have again had no social contacts - zero significant others or people I could write / reach out to.

Apparently, because of the lack of social experience in childhood, I did not develop some important social skills, and I am very bad at forming connections and generally navigating social situations. I may also have avoidant personality disorder, and I am afraid of or avoid close relationships, sharing personal things, and so on. The need for such connections may exist, but it is literally impossible for me to realize it. In any case, I have spent years without any close relationships with people - no partner, no friends / significant others, and no contact with relatives. However, over time I have developed certain strategies and an understanding of how to live alone (which is what this post is about). Whether they will work for others I don't know. I will simply describe what helps me.

1. I start to feel psychologically unwell if I stay at home without leaving it continuously for too long - more than two or three days.

2. I feel unwell if I work remotely from home. Each time this has led me into very unpleasant psychological states. When I paid for a coworking space and went there to work every day, I felt much better.

3. I also felt much better when the work was done within a team or a collective. Not the type of work where you perform tasks entirely independently and interact with people at work only occasionally. My current job is like that, even though it is in an office, and for that reason I am considering changing it. I really need regular social interactions on job, and not these endless meaningless meetings but working together.

4. I feel better when I have a public place I can go to regularly besides work. At one time it was a cafe where I went to read. Now it is an educational institution where I go to work on study projects after work and on weekends. At some point it was a community center where I moderated a group.

5. Filling time with activities. If I suddenly have a lot of free time with nothing to fill it - for example during Christmas holidays or vacations - it is important to find something to occupy that time. I can travel somewhere, start a project, or simply fill the time with reading and watching things. I read quite a lot of books and watch a fair number of series during holidays and long weekends. So, escapism like this is not so healthy if done without measure for too long, but for limited time it also works.

6. It helps when there is a long-term project to which you dedicate your free time. Even better if you do it with someone. In this way I wrote a hobby operating system in my spare time over roughly a year as a learning project.

7. Language speaking groups or discussion groups can also help. They prevent losing touch with reality and with society.

8. In general, the ideal situation for me is when I come home only to sleep.

If you spend too much time alone, not among other people, and do not interact with them at all - even superficially or for practical reasons (work, study projects, language groups, etc.) - you can actually start losing contact with reality and "going crazy." In my view this is quite a dangerous state. However, these superficial contacts only help maintain mental stability and keep some connection with reality. They do not replace close relationships. The need for close relationships still remains, even after years. At least in my experience. But how to find or establish those close connections - I do not know. But this is a different topic. Not about how to live alone.

user:	rabarbra
created:	May 14, 2022
karma:	4