The buddhists would say that expectation and attachment are the root of suffering, and to completely let go of them is the only way to transcend the pain of being.

I don't know if I'd go that far, more like the middle way or Aristotelian golden mean.

I think to an extent there is some inevitable pain in wanting for something that is not yet there, but that doesn't have to be the primary emotion. It's like in relationships or flirting, if there's no friction at all, it's not compelling, it's boring.

But the underlying thing that makes these relationships worth it, just like pursuing your aspirations, is less about the outcome and more about the process of growing and learning. Or optimally, it should be. Paradoxically, a focus on the process and engaging with it sustainably will oftentimes get you closer to the end goal than excessive goal focus and beating yourself up for the whole time you have not yet reached your goal.

The tragic part of aspiration is that often those that are ambitious are also incredibly critical thinkers, and are thus not as able or willing to count the small wins and gradual progress that comes from a sustainable approach.

We also have a tendency to move goalposts, so that by the time we achieve an original goal, we already have the next ones lined up. So the feeling ends up being inadequacy and disappointment.

"Why am I never meeting all of my goals? There must be something wrong with me..."

"There's always something left to try to crack at the end of the day, and until I figure it out I can't let myself off the hook."

This can lead to burnout, cynicism, and frankly a pretty toxic social life.

It's been a process to be in the paradoxical state of constantly wanting to improve and realizing the human constraints I have aren't typically existential flaws, they're just parts of the experience.

Pausing to assess my progress, optimally with objective data, to be able to come to a conclusion and adjust if needed allows me to "give it a rest" with the constant cross examination of self.

Over time, it becomes less constant. Over time, I've learned to appreciate my progress.

One of the big things recently is learning to appreciate myself for WHO I am rather than what I can do to "create value".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdjqZGzMGtE

user:	ragnardan
created:	May 17, 2024
karma:	3