Adapting to this and considering it normal is bound to lead to other issues that we end up blaming ourselves for, because it is possible to cope and do better within the framework so it feels that any lack of progress there is an individualized failure

I've been doing daily meditation and starting to notice my moods and feelings more. On top of that, I've been reading up on CBT techniques and trying to re-frame how I talk to myself. This helped me really understand what was happening.

Anyway, one day I had some chores I told myself I "should" do. I kept on putting them off as the day went on. I was starting to feel bad about my inability to accomplish these tasks. I just couldn't start them.

Eventually, I realized I was looking at it the wrong way. It wasn't that I "should" do them or that I was procrastinating. ("Shoulds" are something you can rephrase for yourself to reduce guilt and shame.) I looked deeper inside and realized I had been working too hard lately and what I really wanted was some leisure time. Those tasks didn't need to be done that day. They were something I wanted done, more specifically, I wanted the outcome. But they weren't essential to be done that day. I was just guilting myself into accomplishing them right then and there. I was too much in a "get shit done" mode but it was burning me out.

I ended up leaving my house to do some fun things, which is what my body needed. Later on, I had some more energy and was able to accomplish some of the chores anyway.

Then when I rephrase it as "I have to make this clearer first", or "what's a first step to learn how to do this" or so, I stop procrastinating.

It sucks, because when I was younger it was also often too late at that point to just rest or recover enough to do it, and knowing this was going on would cause anxiety that would make the rest and recovery harder. Trying harder, to your point, would just make me hate myself and get more anxious. But not trying at all, depending on the amount of time left, might not have been an option either.

As I’ve gotten older, regulation has gotten easier - sleeping enough, getting enough exercise, integrating all the various experiences and emotions so things don’t get as ‘stuck’ all help. Which helps me see situations like this in advance, and help avoid them by properly taking care of what is going to be blocking me before it blocks me.

In my experience there are some different forms of "don't want to do". One kind operates at the subconscious level and seems to be to do with whether my brain perceives the thing as fitting in with some logical plan, or being consistent with reality as perceived. For example, "write tests" seems like a reasonable task. However if the kind of test requested seems like it isn't really doing much of anything to assure correct operation of the system, I'd feel resistance to complete that task. otoh if these were what I believe to be solid useful tests, I'd code away with enthusiasm. Basically, if asked to do some crazy s*t, I tend to procrastinate much more than if I'm asked to do something legit.

Well, that's like 60% of life, even if we live it on "our own terms".

I hear ya on the rendering. This systems sketch was by me, for me, but I published it with minimal effort just in case it might help someone else. It probably would've been better just to publish a link to the model than to embed it, though.

As for the content, it's ad hoc, albeit not entirely without evidence. It's based on a bit of self-study (e.g., autoethnographic observations of my own thoughts and behaviours and passive reading of the psych literature on procrastination).

The centrality measures shouldn't actually be there... Long, boring story short: they're an artifact of some systemic leverage analysis [1] I was doing on a more involved model[2].

Last, I'd love to see those cognitive models. From what I've found, we understand a great many of the pieces of procrastination, but it still takes work to put them together for any one person's situation.

[1]: http://openresearch.ocadu.ca/id/eprint/2888/ [2]: https://embed.kumu.io/fc78b8660224a57734e0bb6c52cebbd8#anxie...

Still, while I thought it'd be a major driver for more responsible behaviour, it didn't give me any solutions, and I didn't magically stop.

Alas, procrastinating by playing with the kiddo sure is fun!

It's more scalable, you see, you just need to wait until the wave has passed before the autoscaler is warmed up.

I have been trying to actually take a real break when I get distressed.

Say you've been procrastinating for an hour, and you only have another hour before you need to stop for the day. In the moment, it feels like you can't "waste" fifteen minutes on a break because you just wasted an hour. Truth is, though, it's better to spend fifteen minutes doing something to calm the emotions down and then get a productive 45 minutes in.

It takes practice, but like all good habits, the benefits compound over time.

[1]: I really like Sarah Schlote's work explaining interoception of stress and emotional regulation. https://equusoma.com/the-ponyvagal-theory-updates-to-the-neu...

Re: visualization — it's a problematic trope that imagining success helps. Apparently visualizing failure, and especially the consequences of failure, can be more motivating. Andrew Huberman provides a pretty good summary of recent research on the subject.[1]

[1]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1F7EEGPQwo&t=3573s

Something is better than nothing.

Is it really important that it is perfect? Who really cares?

What do you win by doing this imperfectly (time - to achieve other / more meaningful things, or to rest, or to spend time with people you care about, or for your hobbies)

What do you lose by doing this imperfectly? Not much usually.

Who will notice? Probably nobody.

In the grand scheme of things, why bother anyway?

What are you trying to achieve? This task perfectly, or this task is just a something you need to do to get paid so you can have a meaningful life?

If people do care for a specific aspect/corner, they'll tell you anyway.

They probably prefer seeing something earlier so they can give feedback, so you can achieve an even better result, counter-intuitively.

Besides all this, I think I achieve this by not caring so much and not tying myself personally to much to the task. And by thinking about the outcome. Perfect often leads to worse outcome, and is relative to only you anyway because other people care about other stuff than you.

Of course, it is still important to achieve the task correctly, but as perfectionist we usually need to take a step back.

“Just as vicious circles were at work to entangle him more and more deeply in his neurosis, now there are circles working in the reverse direction. If for instance the patient lessens his standards of absolute perfection, his self-accusations also decrease. Hence he can afford to be more truthful about himself. He can examine himself without becoming frightened. This in turn renders him less dependent upon the analyst and gives him confidence in his own resources. At the same time his need to externalize his self-accusations decreases too. So he feels less threatened by others, or less hostile toward them, and can begin to have friendly feelings for them. Besides, the patient's courage and confidence in his ability to take charge of his own development gradually increase. In our discussions of the repercussions we focused upon the terror that results from the inner conflicts. This terror diminishes as the patient becomes clear about the direction he wants to take in his life. And his sense of direction alone gives him a greater feeling of unity and strength. Yet there is still another fear attached to his forward moves, one which we have not yet fully appreciated. This is a realistic fear of not being able to cope with life without his neurotic props. The neurotic is after all a magician living by his magic powers. Any step toward self-realization means relinquishing these powers and living by his existing resources. But as he realizes that he can in fact live without such illusions, and even live better without them, he gains faith in himself.”

Perfectioism is a complex topic. I highly recommend the book “Perfectionism: A Relational Approach to Conceptualization, Assessment, and Treatment” by Gordon Flett, Paul L. Hewitt, and Samuel F. Mikail. It won't magically solve the issue, but it will help you gain understading and awareness of the unconscious forces within you keeping perfectionism at work. I believe that awareness is the beginning of change.

Edit: six pillars of self esteem is the name of the book

Probably realizing that even if you live up to your expectations you'll always be a nobody, especially in a world that is about to be populated by 10+ billion humans.

If you think of all the 'greats' : Newton, Einstein, Galileo, Leonardo, Alexander, Aristoteles, JFK, Gandhi...the world was much smaller back then and yet their death was absorbed by the rest of humanity in a nanosecond or even less. The half mast flag and months of grieving imposed from above are just that, people will keep eating and laughing and drinking and partying behind closed doors, not out of respect but out of fear of prosecution.

An other way to talk yourself out of it is to understand that whatever you are after is a great goal indeed, and the self will be elated when you reach it, but the self will be even more elated if you reach it with the minimum effort, and so by thinking about it too much and ruminating on the paths to the goal you are going to automatically deny the 'minimum effort' bit and thus end up with a sub-optimal path due to excessive preparation

This can giving yourself a fixed amount of time for something and declaring it done when time's up (think "pencils down" at the end of a test) wherever you're at.

Though my favorite, even as a mental exercise, is described in one of Eric Maisel's many books on creative anxiety - prepare to make an omelet and right before you put the eggs on the heat, throw in the shells, cook as normal.

There's a section on perfectionism in my book "Rebuilding Blocks", here's a snippet:

"Artisans of many ancient cultures intentionally placed flaws in their works. Whether Persian rugs, Amish quilts, or Navajo pottery, these flaws are marketed as a humbling reminder that they were human and perfection was limited to the gods. Gods who don’t need to get wares to market or have bills to pay. Humans run out of raw material, time, energy, and patience. These restrictions should focus our minds on achieving our largest, most important goals and a few, small flaws are a small price to pay for a conclusion....Perfection doesn't deliver"

https://arunkprasad.com/log/unlearning-perfectionism/

doing this way I am not working on a dozen things trying to be perfect. rather each work feels just like a coding exercise.

having said that even getting into this mode is a challenge. you get carried away. you make love with your side project. you get attached.

The other reason I can't compare them is because once I tried Kumu, I never looked back. Kumu is wonderful. It looks simple enough, but once you dig into the advanced features and the extensive documentation, you can really learn to do amazing things with it. I've used it for many years now for many clients.

But see again point 1. It isn't made to be a systems dynamics modeling tool, so simulation and analysis features you might expect to find might be missing.

My suggestion is to choose a problem to work, create a free model, and start messing around. My guess is that you'll find Kumu great for initial sketches and non-dynamics models, but you'll probably want to go elsewhere for simulation work.

I know that goes for every disease, but the internet likes to paint ADHD medications for ADHD people like it's a literal cure-all.

In regards to stimulant efficacy, I would love to see the effectiveness rate over a time span greater than a few months to a year. I would like to see 10 and 20 year long studies (I understand the difficulties).

Anecdotally, the medications help, but I would consider them to be like a low dosage of painkillers for a burn victim -- better than nothing.

> (I) the freedom to move away or relocate from one's surroundings; (2) the freedom to ignore or disobey commands issued by others; and (3) the freedom to shape entirely new social realities, or shift back and forth between different ones.

these are proposed as more meaningful ways of evaluating how "advanced" a society is in its liberties. which is interesting for reevaluating current conditions, (post agriculture, large scale) human societies of the past (that may have been dismissed as primitive before), and for imagining where we can go from here.