You don't understand how the trick works. I am a person who fell for the bait thrown by info / "guides" sellers.2010-2015 - peak in my life of productivity. I was able to do damn a lot of things altogether. Fix challenging and complex bugs, implement modern and crazy stuff, etc.

And my hobby project (game) became popular. Unfortunately, I did not use any GTD / todolists, etc. Maybe a tiny todo program like qtodotxt because it's small, and I am too greedy to pay for todoist.

But since the end of 2015 - I have noticed how slowly I was starting to do smaller and smaller amounts of work. I was just sitting and can't push myself to continue with the previous speed of results. Not because things become more complex, but because I can't explain to myself what is going on.

More tasks on the todo, more things to do, more promises freaked off, etc. And after googling for a better todo tools, ads networks got my interest and started to offer through youtube and ads different promoted videos about GTD, matrix Gunzenhauser or how it is called, and other stuff.

Tons of really nice made videos, which work like popcorn for brains. Do X to get the Y result. Extremely easily explained things and procedures. I followed this bullshit and dug in because someone else was thinking for me, not me myself. I did not realize that at that point in time.

I think this is extremely important to bold: I was not ready to even try to think or understand that I want to job done not by me but by someone else. This is an important thing, please try to remember it, I will get back to it later.

In 2016 -> I started to learn different methodologies, follow different literature and books which do the same, and around the end of 2016, I got a strict understanding that this is business. Literally structured business which makes by themselves via tricks and manipulations with information and reasons <-> results relations which force idiots like me follow it, purchase more to get something that never will work. But you are forced to purchase and learn more because you can't make the thing work because it's impossible to make the thing/methodology work. Because the methodology sucks. Because it's made for business more. Like drugs -> while you read all of that bullshit and believe in that -> you feel good, when you trying to do something - you feel pissed off. And you face some kind of addiction.

God bless, I met some girl in 2019, which was suicidal, and was hospitalized and treated by psychiatrists. She told me -> "man, the thing that you have this is typical symptoms of depression, try to visit doctor."

I was denying that thing for damn a long time, maybe two years for sure. The problem with depression - is that the thing you can't beat alone. You will always go deeper and deeper to darker and more problematic things which impossible to cure yourself. That does not work like that.

Anyway, finally, when I worked in 2020 for only two weeks in the whole year, I strongly realized something extremely bad with me. I tried damn everything, just imagine everything that you can or who suggest you something: nothing helped. Literally everything (relax, changing work, changing friends circle, restriction of something X, doing something Y, whatever). Does not matter.

Just save your time and nerves - do not listen to anybody like me. So, in 2021, I slowly got a strong wish, like when you are hungry or want water, but that wish is about to die. This feeling follows you every single day, every single thing. If somehow you got a conflict / emotional problem -> boom, you wanna die. No, this is not a "pissed off" thing. This thing is about 3,2,1 - jump from a window. No jokes here. Crazy shit.

Anyway. Somehow after one of such days when I almost committed suicide -> I visited a doctor. Diagnosed with the latest stage of depression (it's when people kill themselves), and got offered to be hospitalized, and so on. I refused that, and I got pills to drink and talked with psychiatrists for a few months (until the war started).

So. What do I want to say to you? After starting to visit doctors who treat depression with pills + I tried to fix my problems with professional specialists in a clinic -> I started to feel better.

My libido because of pills -> goes down. But my intellectual potential -> go up in 2016-2015 years. I was able again, for almost a month, non-stop work, work great, did tons of a good job, and be productive.

I did not follow any tools, methodology, etc. I just had an inner power to do that. I got it back. Some kind of will.

So why do I write all of that? I hope my post helps many IT specialists like me (who feel burned) to understand those head problems -> it's common problems, and these problems are treated and help damn a lot to return back the previous level of productivity of your nature.

It will not boost you over your limits, but correct treatment will help you cure the source of your wasted will.

Just stop jerking for GTD / kanban / scrum / other bullshit. All of that shit does not work and should not work. Just abstraction, which will make life harder. If you feel extremely overwhelmed, can't do things in time, or lose your focus, or can't force yourself to work as you worked before ->, visit your doctor.

Pills are not costly, and treatment in the early stages too. And results - damn awesome.

user:	tamsaraas
created:	July 17, 2022
karma:	18