Ask HN: How do you remember names? I just went to a conference and it was bad. I forgot the names of people I met not more than 15 minutes later. I felt terrible that I didn't know their name while they knew mine. Do you all know of any good tips for remembering names? |
[0] http://www.amazon.com/You-Have-Amazing-Memory-Life-Changing/...
This isn't a technique I read about somewhere, it's just what my brain has been doing at least since I was 7 and learned how to read and write.
Typically when I try to remember someone's name, I'll see the first letter of their name in my mind and it's enough for me to recall and say/write their name. Other times if I'm having difficulty remembering their name, given some time (5-60 seconds typically) I can generally recall their name by reading the image of their written name I originally memorized. Often this reading is more of a hint towards a the concept of a common name I know of (like Alex, John, Maria, etc) meaning I don't need to recall and read it letter by letter. While if it's a more uncommon or obscure name (like Agnomemnonas, or Urania) I generally have to recall and read it out letter by letter.
Personally I think it ties into the fact that I memorize everything in a visual and three dimensional way.
I tend to have conversations about how people remember names, specially with new people I meet, and as far as I recall, I've only met one person who memorizes names in written form in their head. However a lot of people I've met tend to not remember people's names till they see them written on paper/screen, so they'll try to write people's names down at some point if they don't get a business card with the person in question's name written on it.
The secret to remembering people's names is to actually care about them. This is why I can never remember people's names. :)
Imagine you've been told that your favorite programming language has some new useful features, recent examples in multiple languages include lambdas and list comprehensions. Guess how long it will take for the new feature's names and syntax to be permanently branded onto your brain cells -- ten milliseconds?
People who actually care about other people have the same reaction to meeting someone new who they might like or find useful as a professional contact -- that person's name is instantly and permanently branded onto their brain cells.
But if you've spent your professional life in abstract pursuits -- mathematics, science, programming -- it's very hard to make a transition to giving people's names enough importance to remember them. But guess what? People from the humanities have the opposite problem -- they can't remember an equation or a scientific fact for more than a few seconds.
A professor of ichthyology once said, "Every time I remember the name of a student, I forget the name of a fish."
Alternatively before parting ways, I'll try to say their name again for good measure or be honest and ask them for their name again and let them know I have a terrible memory
Example:
Bob: I'm Bob. Nice to meet you!
Me: Hey Bob, I'm Hans. What brings you to the conference?
I think most of the time I reflexively say some appropriate greeting without thinking too much about it. By using the person's name, I force myself to insert something new into an otherwise mechanical response.
For example, if someone's name was Mike, I would picture them singing into a mic (say, at karaoke). Then, if you can't remember their name, try to recall what you imagined them doing. Once you get into the habit it is fairly quick and doesn't disrupt introductions.
"Yeah, Ellen and I were just talking about the merits of [subject here]"
However, that only works with 5-10 people, not a large group.
Best of luck!
1. First, look at the person. Remembering someone's name helps a lot if you can remember one thing about them. A lot of people don't have a very memorable face, but most people have something about them that's unique: do they stand with hips forward, wear velcro sneakers, have a beard, walk with a limp, have working-man hands, crow's feet next to their eyes, a specific hairstyle...? "That guy, Nick" becomes "That guy, Nick, who's tall and thin and has a really easy-going smile who holds his head back on his shoulders a bit and tends to wave his hands when he's talking." Now Nick's a unique person to you.
2. Listen to the person. Remembering someone's name is even easier if you can remember two things about them. Why are they at the event? What do you have in common with them? What gets them excited? Don't try to remember their life story, instead pick just one thing that stands out for you and associate it with the physical person and their name. "That guy, Nick, who's tall and tin and has a really easy-going smile who holds his head back on his shoulders a bit and tends to wave his hands when he's talking, especially when he's talking about Python. He does some geocoding work that I don't really understand."
3. If you really really want to remember someone, make contact with them. Not necessarily physical contact (like a handshake, not my favorite thing), but join in on the conversation, make eye contact, have a couple of words back and forth.
This also trains you to pay attention, and as others pointed out, inattentiveness is probably a big part of why it's so hard to remember people you've met. It's easy to just glance at someone and not commit anything to memory, and that's probably what happens most of the time.
Finally, when there isn't stuff going on, I'll spend a few seconds going through everyone in my head. If it's less than an hour since I've met them, I can usually work out any details I've forgotten. I have a kind of mental yearbook, and I go through it: "face & name & bio, face & name & bio, face & name & bio, face & ... blank? Wait, their name was Dave something, he liked embedded systems programming, he had a common last name, oh yeah, Dave Smith..."
It's the pop quiz effect: you're more likely to remember something longer if you've had to recall it at least once since committing it to memory.
edit: Oh, and don't be shy about forgetting something about someone! Being stressed out because you can't remember someone's name can make it a lot harder to remember the next person's name. And, odds are, they don't remember your name either, so being up-front about forgetting can put them at ease too. "Hey, we met just a while ago, we talked about ______, I can't for the life of me remember your name though."
If you have to try to pay attention your not doing it right